'AITA for leaving my husband for a Christmas trip to Hawaii with our kids?'
"AITA for leaving my husband for a Christmas trip to Hawaii with our kids?"
Every year my family spends our Christmas in Hawaii. We’ve done it every year since I can remember and it’s a fun family tradition for me. After me and my husband had kids we had to reorganize our family Christmas plans because his parents wanted to see our kids for Christmas, so we decided that we would celebrate Christmas with his parents on New Years and go to Hawaii for actual Christmas.
This is the system that worked for us until last year. Last year his dad passed away around this time of the year and it hit him and his mom hard. For obvious reasons we didn’t go to Hawaii.
This year we planned out what we’d do for the holidays early. We’d do Thanksgiving with his mom, and we’d do Christmas in Hawaii since me and the kids missed out last year. Things were going well until right before our flight.
About a week out, he said he was unsure. He said that he thinks it might be better that we stay. He said he really wanted to spend Christmas with his family and felt like his mom really needed it.
I was unhappy about this, we made a plan, we saw her last month, and we already had my dad buy our tickets and hotel, so it would be incredibly unfair to me, him and our kids for us to not go just for his mom, who we’d see a few days after we got back anyways.
We got into an argument about it and I proposed that me and the kids can go to Hawaii and he can stay there with his mom. He decided to do this but he was very clearly upset that I wasn’t going to forgo my family’s Christmas tradition and seeing my family just for his mom.
So now I’m in Hawaii watching and wrangling the kids by myself. While he’s home alone. He hasn't texted me or responded to me much. When I call him he only talks for about 3 minutes before wanting to get off the phone with me and talk to the girls. AITA?
Here's how people judged OP:
ItsCharlieDay writes:
YTA just because at end you are COMPLAINING about being in Hawaii on xmas.. You mad because hes taking care of his mom instead of watching kids for you?? I thought it was a FAMILY trip, isn't there family to help with kids?
liarliker OP responded:
His wife and his children should be his priority.
mynamesaretaken1 writes:
You husband and children should be your priority.
liarliker OP responded:
As a mother my kids are my first priority, and then my husband. He as the man of the household should prioritize all of us first. I prioritized my daughters, they wanted to come see their other side of the family and come to Hawaii.
I thought we agreed on something that was reasonable and now he’s pissed at me. It’s not fair
gene-pavlovsky writes:
So in his shoes, you'd leave your mom, who lost her husband (your dad) around this time of the year, to celebrate her first Christmas alone?
liarliker OP responded:
It’s not her first Christmas alone. The funeral was a week before Christmas Day. End of discussion.
innundatedwithbros writes:
YTA. I’ll be honest, you sound like you suck.
Your husband is very clearly depressed. This is his first Christmas without his dad and you are supposed to be part of his support system. Yeah it sucks but sometimes you make sacrifices for the people you love. That may include cancelling the Hawaii trip.
Have some empathy. When your dad croaks do you think he’ll leave you alone to deal with it yourself?
liarliker OP responded:
It’s not his first Christmas without his dad. Last year the funeral was the week before Christmas and we had to cancel plans because the funeral was the day of our flight. This is his second Christmas without him.