'AITA for telling my pregnant sister I don’t want to help raise her kids?'

"AITA for telling my pregnant sister I don’t want to help raise her kids?"

I’m 30F. My mom is 65F. My sister is 38F. My sister’s son is 10 months old. She’s basically a single mother. She works a full-time job, and is the breadwinner, and is also the parent who takes care of the baby the most. The father only works part-time as a waiter to focus on his “art” (making music). He says he can’t look after the kid because he’s tired after his part-time job.

They are struggling with money and have downgraded to a smaller apartment to save on rent. My mom has been giving them money every month and buying them baby stuff. Me and my mom (mostly my mom) have been helping her take care of the child. She spends a week out of the month over at their apartment to help take care of the baby. My mom comes home and I go over there for the next week.

We have been alternating like that. It’s taken a toll on my mom’s mental and physical health. I also don’t like it because I feel like I should be focusing on my own life. My sister is pregnant again. Me and my mom are horrified that she is keeping it. She also announced that she is breaking up with her boyfriend and that he isn’t going to co-parent.

My mom is nearing retirement and told me she doesn’t want my sister and her kids to depend on her. My mom said she mentally, physically, and financially can’t help my sister with raising 2 babies. I also did not sign up for this responsibility. So we set some boundaries with her and told her we won’t be helping as much and if she keeps the baby she needs to figure out the child care by herself.

My sister got upset and complained to her auntie (my mom’s sister). Now that side of the family is calling us selfish. Are we the AHs?

The internet had lots to say.

BeautifulPhantom1 wrote:

The selfish one is the sister that cannot support her own child who then turned around and chose to have another one. You and your mother don't owe her child care or money. The man that was on the other end of child creation is the only one who does. If she's leaving the father because she gets no help anyway, she might want to sign up for low income housing as well.

They should be able to hook her up with low-income daycare at the same time. You and your mother should be out living your own lives. Feel free to tell your sister I said welcome to motherhood, adulthood, and the consequences of your choices.

SushiGuacDNA wrote:

NTA. Your sister is crazy entitled for thinking that you and your mom owe her free child care. Without even asking! That's crazy. I mean, some amount of help when the child is born feels normal and friendly. But it sounds like she wants you to be her life-long child care solution for free. What about your life! When does that get to happen?

atealein wrote:

NTA, if the rest if the family thinks you are selfish, they should totally volunteer to help instead.

Heartless1988 wrote:

NTA - Time to thank that side of your family for volunteering to step in for you and your mother with all the babysitting needs your sister has.

SatelliteBeach123 wrote:

NTA. Your sister is the one being selfish. She's pretty much demanding that you and your mom sacrifice your own lives for her and her kids. She knew her "partner" was a loser and yet still got pregnant with another baby she can't afford and can't take of. That's completely on her and she needs to figure it out. You DO have your own life to lead and your sister's life is not yours.

OP and her mom are NTAs, but OP's sister and absent baby daddy are.