'AITA for cutting my BIL off after he put my dead sister's dog up for adoption?'
"AITA for cutting my BIL off after he put my dead sister's dog up for adoption?"
I have known “Luke” since we were 5, a long time about 26 years. My sister was 18 when they started dating. I wasn’t thrilled but at least I trusted Luke, I’d never seen my sister happier…within a year they were pregnant with my niece (9) and the next year they had my nephew.
Recently, due to unattended mental health my sister ignored her diabetes and she unfortunately passed away (DKA, a serious complication of diabetes that can be life-threatening) it was hard on me and her children, we are still not over it.
Within a week all of my sisters belongings were gone; her jewellery, art work and clothes just all gone (I know any of my family would’ve had that stuff), but worse of all he’s rehomed her dog…she’s had Frankie for 11 years, she wouldn’t have wanted that.
My mother says it was the last blow and doesn’t want anything to do with him and in all honesty I agree, but Luke doesn’t have any family and he’s been calling me crying about how he’s struggling…how I’m the only family he has (I mean aside from his children?). I told him that him rehoming the dog was too far, told him to lose my number and blocked him.
It’s Christmas soon and he’s been texting and calling about how the children want to see me, how they’ve been struggling and need me - I said I’d be involved once the children are old enough to not be chauffeured by him and where I can interact separately.
Edit I asked if we can see the children without him being around, if I can text them etc and got told no, he won’t let me see the children without him and as they’re 9 and 8 I think it’s just controlling rather than worrying because they’re not small children
My husband thinks I should sympathise since I’ve known him so long and people can make rash decisions, that he’s depressed etc. I would’ve taken the dog. I would’ve taken her clothes or her pictures. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
BazTheBaptist writes:
YTA you're having a go at him for rehoming a dog that he clearly didn't feel capable of taking care of, meanwhile you are abandoning your human nieces and nephews. Is that what your sister would want, or would she only be bothered about the dog?
Radiant-Jelly1392 OP responded:
He didn’t feel capable of looking after? I would’ve had the dog! He knew that.
UsuallyWrite2 writes:
Oh gosh. What a horrible situation. I’m sorry for your loss. Everyone deals with grief so differently. It seems like he had to clear it all out to be able to stand up and move forward.
Why do you think he didn’t ask any family if they wanted the dog or her things? Have things been contentious? NAH really but I think you should try to do Xmas with them or at least meet up: the kids didn’t do anything wrong.
Radiant-Jelly1392 OP responded:
He’s always been very close/involved with my family, I don’t know why he didn’t reach out especially while all my family were in contact with him and checking on him.
Tekira85 writes:
I can't believe these other comments. Plus, the kids just lost their mom and he gave away the family dog?! That the kids had had their whole lives?! This guy is the AH. Plus, if he cared about the kids, he would let them visit or talk to you without getting himself in the middle
SithTheChangeWing writes:
I wholeheartedly believe that those children would have loved to have their mother's dog, who is a long time family member to them, nearby for comfort. But instead of losing one family member they also lost another because dad rehomed em.
sraydenk writes:
The dog makes sense to me if he’s struggling with grief. Right or wrong when you are struggling it’s another dependent. I love my pets, but when I had my baby I resented the hell out of them.
YTA you're having a go at him for rehoming a dog that he clearly didn't feel capable of taking care of, meanwhile you are abandoning your human nieces and nephews. Is that what your sister would want, or would she only be bothered about the dog?
He didn’t feel capable of looking after? I would’ve had the dog! He knew that