'AITA for refusing to call my niece anything else but her chosen name?'

"AITA for refusing to call my niece anything else but her chosen name?"

My (27F) husband (33M) and I are currently taking care of his recently orphaned niece (8f) with the plan to later adopt her. Her first name is Kelly and middle name is Ann (fake names) but she prefers to be called Ann and has been that way for a few years now. She introduces herself as “My name is Kelly Ann ___, but you can call me Ann.”

My sister (29f) is 8 months pregnant with her first child and several months ago found out it’s a girl. She has always wanted to name her daughter Ann and is excitedly telling everyone. Upon learning of Kelly Ann’s situation and how my husband and I plan to adopt her, my sister told me a few days after that we should start telling Kelly Ann to call herself Kelly instead of her middle name.

She said 2 Ann in the family will be confusing so Kelly Ann needs to get used to being Kelly. My husband said she was being ridiculous and if anything it’s her baby that needs renaming because Kelly Ann has been calling herself Ann for years.

My sister argued that she has announced her baby’s name many months ago and we only planned to adopt Kelly Ann recently, so we should be the one making her rethink how to call herself. I joined my husband’s side and told my sister Kelly Ann can call herself however she chooses to. My sister and her husband called my husband and me AH for stealing her baby’s name, so AITA?

The internet jumped on with plenty of thoughts about the name debacle.

owls_and_cardinals wrote:

NTA. No one should have to choose a different name. I know a few families with cousins who share a first name and it's not a big deal. If your sister doesn't WANT to have two 'Ann's', then she shouldn't use it, but expecting a child to adopt a different name than she's been using just because she (the sister) has decided to use the selected name is entitled and mean to say the least.

Your sister and her husband are being absurd. a) there is not really any such thing as 'stealing' a name, especially a common one like 'Ann' (which I realize is fake but presumably you chose similar fake names for this post) and b) Kelly Ann has been alive for far longer than their child and has been using the name for longer too.

Out of curiosity, if you were to LATER adopt an older child into the family who came with the same name as one of their kids, would they also expect you to change that child's name? Ludicrous!

coastalkid92 wrote:

NTA. (Kelly)Ann has an identity that she's forged for herself with her preferred name. It doesn't matter that you decided to adopt her following your sister's name reveal, it would not be fair to disregard her preference for the sake of an unborn child.

There's also no rule stating that there can't be more than one Ann in the family. There could be your Ann and your sister's Anne with an e. No one stole anything. (Kelly)Ann came with her name to you already, she's not a puppy you took home from the shelter and renamed.

PictureTakingLion wrote:

NTA. Your husband is right, Kelly Ann has been known as Ann since before the baby is even born. Also, it’s really not that weird to have multiple people in the family with the same name. My friends have kids that share names with other family members, they don’t get confused, it’s perfectly fine and normal.

One thing that nobody can take away from you is your name. Kelly Ann’s name is Ann. Your sister can’t take that away from her no matter how much she likes the name.

BBQQuails wrote:

NTA. The girl has been calling herself Ann for years. It’s established. Your sister is being a major TA here for 1) gate keeping a name and 2) try to dictate how your niece should identify herself.