Woman lies to family members to see whose been leaking info to parents; sister is hurt.

Protecting yourself from invasive and manipulative people can involve some extreme measures. At times, the measures can feel so extreme they go too far. Luckily, the internet is always here to give an outside perspective on any situation.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for temporarily lying in order to find out who has been leaking information to her parents. She wrote:

"AITA for temporarily lying to family/friends to trap a flying monkey/enabler?"

I (36f) have been NC with my narcissistic emotionally abusive parents for a year now. I changed my number ages ago but they someone had given them my new number as they recently attempted to make contact. I'm only in touch with four "mutuals" (my sister, my aunt, childhood friend, and cousin who is not the child of the aunt in question).

Before I changed my number again I wanted to trap the rat (tell each one of them a lie and see which one gets back to my parents) before changing my number so I don't accidentally give it to the rat.

Remember these are all lies; I told my sister in having an affair (warned husband of this ahead of time he's in on it), told my aunt I think I might be a lesbian (parents are very homophobic), told childhood friend I think I'm pregnant, and told my cousin I'm moving back to my hometown (near where my parents live) for a job.

Didn't take long, three days later I get a text from my mom about how excited she is I was moving back and it's the perfect time to "bury the hatchet." Cousin...BUSTED. I had changed my phone number and cut off contact with cousin and gave the other three my new number, and told them the situation that these were all lies and I had to catch the rat to see who was giving info to my parents.

Aunt and childhood friend understood, but sister (while she wasn't the rat and never told parents) thinks I "went too far" and is upset with me for lying to her and is insulted I think she'd betray my confidence. I told her I had to do this to protect myself from people who were leaking information. AITA?

People were fascinated by the situation.

Jbwest31 wrote:

NTA. But just imagine the alternate timeline where your parents found out you were moving back home due to your husband kicking you out because of the lesbian affair you had but were still pregnant with his child. Woo boy.

E_III_R wrote:

NTA for telling unique lies in order to catch the rat. But YTA for choosing the lie to tell your sister that you're having an affair! That's a big thing to have to roll back on, where all of your other ones were deniably undoable "I'm not pregnant. I lost the job to the boss's nephew. I think I just really like the dress she was wearing and got confused."

Your sis will have gone through a lot of divided loyalty stuff for you already, so asking her to choose you over your marriage after already choosing you over your parents is too much.

angiehome2023 wrote:

Gentle YTA. You caused stress to your sister by saying you were having an affair. If my sister told me this I wouldn't sleep for days! She didn't deserve that. She had to think about if she wants to continue to associate with a cheater. If she wants to tell your husband. Just apologize and move on.

shadowfeyling wrote:

YTA. Why go with the affair lie? That one is the worst out of all the lies. If my brother told me he was having an affair it would break my heart and stress me out horribly. Like questioning if I could even talk to him again. To then be told it was all a lie to test my loyalty.

I would be pissed. You likely caused her a lot of emotional pain. Again I'm not saying you should not have tested her, I just think you should have picked a milder lie to tell.

Broad_Respond_2205 wrote:

The only thing I don't understand is why you used three harmless stories (two of them was just "thinking") and then one really awful story. What do you think that she felt, when she was told that her beloved sister did such low morale deed? Why did you had to put her through this? Why not think of another "I think that" story?

I think that's part of the reason why the aunt and childhood friend didn't really care about it. ESH, as in you, and obviously your parents and cousin.

GWeb1920 wrote:

YTA for the lie to your sister and Aunt. Both those lies have significant effects on other people in your life. Especially, your sister is in a moral dilemma on whether to tell your husband or participate in your affair. The one to your aunt isn’t quite as bad as there is no moral dilemma whether to tell but it’s still telling her your marriage is going to end and is based on a lie and that’s fairly stressful for her.

While the verdict isn't fully unanimous, it does seem like OP is TA for how she handled this.