Woman rehomes deceased brother's parrot with uncle, mom tells her 'you made a mistake.'

Honoring the wishes of a deceased loved one can look a lot of different ways.

Sometimes, the best way to carry on their wishes is to acknowledge your limits and differences from them, and act accordingly.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for giving away her brother's parrot he left to her.

She wrote:

AITA for giving away my brother's parrot?

My brother Don has an African Grey Parrot. He fell in love with our uncle's parrot when we were young. He always wanted one and when he got a job where he could take care of one he got it.

Don was neurodivergent. He had trouble connecting with people. But he loved that bird. And it seemed to return the affection. Don didn't like to travel. Or leave his home.

Or do much besides work, play video games, collect Pokemon stuff, and interact with his parrot. I, on the other hand, try and get out of town whenever I can. I also use every second of my vacation time and PTO.

Don passed away just after New Year's. He didn't have a girlfriend, much less a wife. He did have a will and he left me everything. Including Ash his parrot. I don't want his parrot.

Trust me after listening to my brother talk about African Grey Parrots for the last 20 years I know more about them than anyone normal should. Including that they can live up to 60 years. That's would have been great for Don.

I on the other hand am not planning on taking care of any human children I have for 60 years. I talked to my parents to see if they would take him They said their condo doesn't allow pets.

I checked with the rest of our family and nobody wanted to make that commitment. I contacted a local bird rescue but they only take wild raptors. I tried the zoo. They do not accept birds. I guess there is a chance of diseases or something.

My brother loved this bird so I wasn't going to do anything stupid with it. Ash was actually growing on me. I was considering keeping him. Lucky for me and Ash my uncle finally got back to me.

His parrot had died a couple of years ago and since he is in his late forties he didn't adopt a new one. I gladly invited him over to see if he liked Ash. He told me that he and his old bird has met Ash.

And even been over to Don's house for a play date before. It was excellent. My uncle knows more about them than my brother did. And now I have that information stuck in my head. Ash went to live with my uncle.

I thought it was the perfect solution. Until my mom called to chew me out for imposing a bird on my uncle. He doesn't make that much money and birds are expensive to take care of I guess.

Not that it was any of her business but my brother left me a nice chunk of change. And an impressive collection of Pokemon stuff. I had already told my uncle that I would be paying for food and vet bills for Ash.

I even volunteered to birdsit him if my uncle needed and I'm in town. I know Don would want that. She still said that it was a bad decision to give her brother the bird. I probably didn't improve our conversation by giggling when she said that.

I honestly think I did right by everyone involved. But my mom disagrees. I need someone with no skin in the game to tell me if I'm missing something.

Edit

When I said normal I didn't mean neurotypical. I meant not obsessed with parrots.

Another edit.

I feel dumb. Of course, my brother named him Ash because of the Pokemon Trainer. I always thought he was called Ash because he was GREY. DOH!!

People weighed in with their hot takes on the situation.

SecretJealous4342 wrote:

NTA. You found Ash a loving home with an experienced person. You might have slipped into Y T A territory if you hadn't volunteered to cover the expenses for the bird.

Your brother would love to know that the person who inspired his love of that species was the person you entrusted to care for his Ash. I also snorted when you have your uncle 'the bird'.

MxBluebell wrote:

As a parrot owner, can I just say thank you for doing what’s right for Ash? There are far too many people who would just dump a bird out in the wilderness if they didn’t want it. That’s how I’ve gotten all of my foster birds that I’ve rehabilitated.

Granted, I foster small parrots, usually budgerigars, which are more “disposable” in people’s eyes than an African Grey, but still, people are unnecessarily cruel to parrots.

You did the right thing by not only finding Ash a home with someone with previous parrot experience, but by offering to financially support Ash to ensure his continued health. In my eyes, that’s going above and beyond the call of duty.

You’re right that parrots are a huge responsibility. Not everyone is cut out to be a parrot owner. In fact, I’d say that most people aren’t. There is zero shame in admitting that you’re not the right person for Ash to live with.

When you take on a parrot, that is a lifelong commitment— you have to be prepared to take care of that bird until death do you part.

That obviously wasn’t something you were prepared to do, so instead of half-a**ing the care of Ash or dumping him somewhere, you made sure he’s somewhere where he’s safe, loved, and taken care of properly.

That is a very noble thing to do, and I think your brother would be pleased with your decision. Your brother trusted you to do what was right for Ash, and ultimately, you fulfilled that duty. I do have one small suggestion, though.

Take time to visit Ash every now and then! I’m sure the two of you bonded a bit during his stay with you, and he’s been through a rough time with the loss of his human dad. A visit from you every now and then would do wonders for him.

It’d also be a great way for you to feel close to Don, since he was so passionate about Ash and birds like him. You don’t HAVE to do this, of course. But African Greys are as intelligent as small children.

Ash will remember you, and I’m sure he’ll miss your company! It would be wonderful if you could stop by and catch up with him every now and again!

DJ_Too_Supreme wrote:

NTA. Your uncle was interested in Ash, knew Ash before your brother passed away, and was willing to take Ash. What is your mom going on about? I’m sorry for the loss of your brother.

crockofpot wrote:

Absolutely NTA. Parrots have incredibly high social needs, and IMO it is borderline animal cruelty for people who do not understand/aren't motivated to meet those needs to keep them.

You did the right thing by recognizing you weren't equipped to take care of Ash and rehoming him to someone willing and experienced with parrots.

Your mom might have had a leg to stand on with the financial aspect, but since you have that covered that's not a good argument either. I think your mom is likely struggling with grief and her brain has latched onto this issue.

It sounds like OP did the absolute best thing she could do in this situation, and her mom is simply grappling with the complexities of grief.