Woman ruins stepsister's life by 'telling the truth' about their childhood. AITA?
'AITA for exposing my half-sister's lies about our childhood?'
OP's story beings:
I (24F) have a half-sister (27F), we'll call her Taylor.
My dad had weekend visitation with Taylor at our house until I was 8, and it was the worst. She bullied me really badly any time I saw her, to the point that I would scream every time my dad even mentioned her coming over. Even if we were kept apart, she would break my things, upset my pets, and tell lies about me. Every week her mom would end up in the kitchen screaming at my parents.
Taylor's mom died when she was 11. Her mom didn't have any family able to take her in, and nor did my dad. My dad was the only one who could get custody. When I was told about this, I freaked out. Screaming, crying for hours, calling my grandparents and demanding to live with them, all of it.
My mom wasn't willing to have Taylor in the house on that basis, and I'm pretty sure she said she would move out if my dad pushed the issue. Taylor ended up being sent to boarding school the next year, and she would go to stay with other members of my dad's family during breaks.
When I was 14 my parents divorced, and I would see Taylor every few months at my dad's during school breaks. I'd learnt to stand up for myself and she'd grown up so there was no bullying, but we'd bicker - she was hostile and I never backed down. I didn't see her much after she went to college, and then I went to college far away as well.
We now live in the same small city (I moved here in March). It's the kind of place where everyone from each generation knows or knows of each other. I had never encountered Taylor socially and never mentioned knowing her, but I had met her boyfriend and his friends are part of my larger social group.
The other night, I was at a party, and Taylor and her bf were there as well. We made eye contact and waved, but she pretty much avoided me all night. During the night, our mutual friends asked how I know Taylor, and I said we are half sisters. They all looked super uncomfortable and I pressed for an explanation.
Basically, Taylor's been telling everyone that she was homeless as a kid because her stepmother and half-sister hated her and demanded she be shipped off to boarding school and made her dad ignore her. Were it not for the fact that it was obviously going to come out sooner or later that we are related, I probably wouldn't have bothered to set the record straight.
As it was, I'm going to be around these people for a long time, and I didn't feel I should have had to walk around burdened by the weight of her lies. So I told the group the context. I also told them it wasn’t true that I told my dad not to finance Taylor’s business when she was 20…because I didn’t. That was pretty much the gist of it.
Note from OP after reading the comments:
Just to clarify what I actually said to the friends. I explained that the reason my mom didn’t want Taylor to live with us was because of the bullying, and that when they split my dad still didn’t have Taylor live with him, and that I only stayed with him on weekends (Taylor told them I moved in with my dad so that she couldn’t).
My mom didn’t say to send her to boarding school. What my mom said was, Taylor is not living in this house with my daughter, if that means we split, then we split. My dad didn’t want to be a full time parent by himself, so he stayed with my mom, and since he didn’t have any other family Taylor could live with for various reasons, he sent her to boarding school.
My dad never cut contact with Taylor. He visited her at school (it was about an hour away) and sometimes he’d see her at other relatives’ places during school breaks. When he moved out, Taylor would occasional spend the day and maybe one break a year at his place.
The reason I moved to this town is because my boyfriend lives and works there.
OP continued...
She called me yesterday to yell at me. Apparently she's being ostracised from the group, her relationship is in trouble, her career opportunities are in jeopardy, etc. I don't see how any of this is my fault because she's the one who lied, but according to some people I should have been a bit more gentle in my retelling of the facts because it's her 'experience' and I've basically blackballed her.
Here's how people judged OP:
ESH. Her account of being homeless because her stepsister and stepmother hated her and wouldn't allow her in their home was essentially the truth. The adults in that situation should have done much, much more to create a better situation for you both.
You didn't deserve to be bullied or terrorized in your own home, but she was YOUNG, clearly had awful parenting, and she needed more too.
Realizing you didn't look great according to Taylor's account, I definitely think you handled it poorly. You moved to her city, joined up with her friend group, and when telling your side of the story en masse, you should have been more gentle and even perhaps more neutral - acknowledging you were BOTH CHILDREN when all this went down.
Honestly, despite sounding like a bit of a s***head as a kid, I really feel bad for Taylor because she was by all accounts abandoned by her family and is now on the outs from a large friend group.
obesetacobell asked:
Why did the sister's social and professional life blow up so spectacularly just because some newcomer moves into town and disputes her story by saying 'actually she was homeless because she bullied me on the weekends when she was 10'.. it doesn't disprove what happened and it still makes OP look kind of bad. YTA.
Opening_Kangaroo_652 OP responded:
It’s a very small community. She got her job because of one of the friends, her uncle is the big boss where Taylor works. I don’t think she would get fired over this but this town is a very clique-y who know you type of place, so I guess it doesn’t bode well for her to not be speaking to the person who got her her job.
ZephyrGrace writes:
I mean.... siblings from blended families are different to manage. But there is therapy. It would have only been a few years. And who knows you two might have actually grown up and been the best of buddies.
Her bullying behavior might have been a jealousy aspect or a cry for help you don't know. She made up her own story to cover the fact that she feels like she was abandoned and thrown away. YTA.
Opening_Kangaroo_652 OP responded:
She made up a story, and I should have just pretended it was true?
brackenbu said:
… it was true. You did hate her and your mother didn’t like her which is the reason she was sent to boarding school.
Opening_Kangaroo_652 OP responded:
“Ally died in a road traffic accident. It was a drunk driver”. “Ally was the drunk driver”. See how both are true but context matters?
CharmanderSkinSuit writes:
YTA. Her story is true, your mom made her dad abandoned her, which wasn’t your fault. But to act like your not on the wrong side of history here is insane.