Woman snaps after BIL's kids trash house; kicks them out; gets told 'you made us homeless.'
There's nothing quite like the circus of extended family. Love them or hate them, they're likely to be in your life on some level, so figuring out what boundaries you need in place and how to navigate conflicts is the best way to guarantee smooth sailing down the way.
Of course, like most relationship management, this is far easier said than done. Particularly, when people are living through times of emergency.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for kicking out her brother-in-law and his family, making them homeless, after they trashed the house.
She wrote:
AITA for kicking my BIL's entire family out, which made them homeless, after they slowly destroyed my home?
My husband's brother, 35m, his wife, 26f, and two boys (4 & 3) moved in with me and my husband (both 30) last month because they got evicted. I never wanted them here in the first place due to past issues, but after speaking with my husband, we decided for the sake of the young children to give them a place to stay.
Before they moved in, we set some ground rules such as my BIL must be actively job searching and that they must RESPECT our space and clean up after themselves. Unfortunately, in the past month, they have begun to slowly destroy my home and my space without giving two s#$%s. First of all, my SIL is an extremely picky eater so their family doesn't eat with us. Fine.
BUT they never ever clean up after themselves, constantly leaving dirty dishes and pans, crumbs, food stains. When I tell them to clean after themselves, they begrudgingly do but it's never a job well done. Last week, one of the boys had peed on my very expensive couch which I ONLY found out about after smelling piss when I was watching TV.
SIL is stay-at-home but she's more like stay-in-her-room, doing god knows what while her two children run rampant around my house. In the last three weeks, her boys have 1) colored on their bedroom walls 2) trashed my living room with their toys 3) knocked over half of my plant collection. Their whole family has turned my house into a f@#$ing zoo while contributing NOTHING.
I've not been able to comfortably live in my own space for the past few weeks. My husband could sense my frustration so he told me he'd have a talk with them and hire a maid to clean our house. Things got a little better UNTIL...yesterday, I get home early from work and their family's gone. Good, I think, peace and quiet for a few hours.
I decide to go take a nap in our bedroom ONLY TO FIND THAT MY PRECIOUS VASE THAT MY MOTHER HANDMADE FOR ME WAS SHATTERED ON THE GROUND (I lost my mom when I was a teen and it is one of the last handmade items I have from her). I immediately knew it was the boys because there were toys inside my room and their tablet was on my bed.
I was so angry. I ended up calling my husband, explaining the situation, and told him that they would not stay another day in our house, no questions asked. Then I went around the house picking up their dirty clothes, toys, papers, etc, and threw them outside onto our lawn. When they came back, there was a huge confrontation between me and them.
I listed all the disrespectful things they'd done and that because they'd met NONE of the conditions outlined when they first moved in, I wanted them off my property by midnight. I called their kids untrained dogs. They screamed back calling me heartless, cruel, evil, saying I'd make them homeless. Well, they did end up leaving after I threatened to call the cops.
Husband is fully on my side but I can tell he feels a little bad. MIL called me, upset, asking me to take them back in after I 'forced them to sleep in their car' last night. AITA?
This whole messy situation inspired a lot of responses from the internet.
rigbysgirl13 wrote:
No. You are not the AH. If m-i-l is concerned, she can take them or buy a motel room. They've s#!t all over your hospitality and it is no coincidence they were gone when you got home. They knew breaking that vase was gonna be bad news. I am so sorry this happened to you. Definitely not the AH, but your m-i-l and husband are teetering into AH territory.
They need to support you in this. Is there an artisan who might repair the vase, or create something from the pieces?
Fairmount1955 wrote:
MIL can take them in. NTA, being family doesn't entitle anyone to no boundaries and destruction of property. They don't seem capable of managing their lives or making an effort to. I'm glad your husband at least stuck by you.
dessertshots wrote:
NTA. The only AHs here are those family members who sad idly by as a 30-year-old financially insecure old man impregnated, a 22-year-old woman, not once but twice. I feel bad but MIL should take them in or something.
SingleBat5604 wrote:
NTA. I can see why they were evicted from their last place. And 3/5 is old enough to know not to draw on walls and not urinate on furniture. The kids are feral and Bil & Sil are leeches. Your place was their last chance before homelessness and they even screwed that up.
Interesting-Wonder12 wrote:
NTA. A month is more than long enough to come to your wits end with someone disregarding your hospitality. You had a moment of clarity while you were home alone and they still managed to ruin it.
If they didn't come up with a game plan for this to be a possibility over that month, that's on them. MIL should fund their trip to live with her or put them up in a motel/hotel, you've wasted enough time and resources.
Mas-Chingona wrote:
NTA. You didn't make them homeless; they made themselves homeless. And from the sound of it, this is a pattern with them. You didn't take them in to raise and it's not your problem. Don't feel bad and don't give it a second thought.
f@#kedfonances wrote:
There’s a reason why I refuse to take in my in-laws, and it’s this. I spent many nights on the couch just last month for refusing to store my BIL’s s#$t. I’d stored his shit before and it was 6 years and “we’re selling, I’m not taking his s#$t with us” for my wife to finally get the crap out. I’m guessing your husband is the successful one out of a family of poor folks and he feels “obligations.”
Clearly, OP is NTA, her in-laws need to take responsibility for their children and themselves.