Man with insect phobia called 'psycho' for sealing friend in bug bombed car. AITA?
"AITA for not letting my friend roll down her window in my car filled with bug spray / toxins?"
agent0range_
I was at a kickback with some of my close friends 2 days ago. At the end of the kickback my friend (I’ll call her J) asked for a ride home as her original ride had to leave early. I was totally okay with this, but I was worried about her being in my car.
I have a very bad fear of bugs. Because of that, I bug bomb my car every season (every 3 ish months), fill it with mothballs, spray every inner/outer inch with Ortho max and use a chlorine diffuser placed on the dashboard.
I understand that my car is a gas chamber on wheels, but my reasoning is that it’s better to cut my life by 3-5 years compared 50 years in a deadly car accident. (I almost killed my myself multiple times endangering myself and others due to bugs in my car.)
Doing all this seemed to stop all bugs from appearing, I haven’t seen them for 2+ year so I do this religiously. I let J know beforehand to see if she was okay with all this, warning J of all the things I did to the car and even letting her “test” the inside of the car to see if she was ok with it.
She said it’s all good. We also made the agreement that she won’t roll down her windows. She told me that’s fine, as the ride home is only about 15 minutes.
As we were on the way, J mentions that the smell is worse than she thought it would be, and asked if she could roll down the passenger window. I told her sorry but no, and brought up that we agreed to have the windows up.
About a minute later, she just rolled the windows down. I panicked and rolled them back up. Then she started telling me that she’s getting dizzy. Now this is where I feel like a real AH.
I think I slightly gave in and rolled it down about 2mm of space. It was sunny outside, and I was afraid of potential bugs coming in. I dropped her off and J called me a weirdo psycho.
I understand that this is not normal, but when choosing between a friend vs phobia, my mind automatically goes to my phobia. I absolutely despise my fear. As I am writing this down I definitely feel like an AH. What do you guys think?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
DriverAlternative958
NTA. Your friend was aware of your phobia and still decided to gaslight you by accusing you of being a “weirdo psycho.”
If your friend can’t see how what she said is vile, I’d suggest finding a better friend.
mizfit0416
You need professional help dear. Sorry but YTA.
Confident-Try20
YTA.
"she started telling me that she’s getting dizzy."
This is where your an AH... You may be okay with putting your life at risk but when you start to put others lives at risk that's crossing a line and she clearly didn't realize what exactly you put inside your car.
owls_and_cardinals
YTA. I understand it is your car and your choice, and that you did a good job making sure she understood what the car ride would be like but look, she didn't know until she was in the midst of it just how bad it would be.
Holding firm at that point was inappropriate to me, not to mention just driving with the window open would have been super low-risk. For some number of minutes out of a 15-minute drive, you were really that fearful of a bug getting into your moving gas chamber of a car? Did you want her to PASS OUT over this?
If you're going to be like this, the only answer is to never, ever give someone a ride because frankly it is unsafe for other people to ride with you. I think this 'solution' you have may work for you but is a bandaid on an irrational fear and you should see a professional for it.
dreadfullytruthful
I would have purposely thrown up in your vehicle as you parked in front of my house got out and left you to clean it.
Kaycapo
YTA. I know you have a fear, but Jesus Christ. You need to do something about this fear. Maybe go to therapy? Or something like that to help you get over it, or at least not be as scared.
AKlife420
YTA, you need to get yourself some therapy. This isn't ok for you or any other potential person that rides with you.
Old_Bug4395
YTA, you really need therapy for this phobia if it can cause you to be in a car accident and you're filling your vehicle with poison in order to avoid dealing with it. by the way, it's probably a lot more damage than 3-5 years off your life.
jmbbl
Have you considered therapy to manage your phobia?
The OP responded here:
agent0range_
I attempted to once, but it was a form of a exposure therapy and I couldn’t handle it past certain stages. It was getting expensive too… by looking at all the comments I should consider attempt 2.
Separate-Bowl-4595
Soft YTA but you should really see a psychiatrist. Your quality of life will get progressively worse as you continue to poison yourself and damage internal organs. You should see a general physician as well and get blood work. I have to imagine you're experiencing at least headaches and nausea.