Office drama ends in tears: Employee regrets not warning friend they're getting fired. AITA?
"AITA for not telling my friend our boss was planning to fire them?"
Glum-Drop4250
My friend (we'll call her Ellise) and I have worked together for nearly two years at the same company. Recently, our boss started sharing remarks, disguised as "being worried" behind my friends back. Things like "Did Ellise stop taking their meds?" "Has Ellise seemed more bitchy to you lately?"
(Context: Ellise is relatively open about their mental health, not as much specific diagnoses, but the fact that they are mentally ill and struggle with that, as well as being on antipsychotics.)
This put me in a pretty uncomfortable position, being asked to share things about my best friend and their mental health to my boss who I know does not actually care.
Despite this, every time I was asked, I was honest. My friend had been struggling a little more at this time, specifically with insurance covering med costs, that sort of thing.
I didn't think Ellise had been doing anything out of the norm, although they were admittedly not great in the role, nor customer service in general (as my boss would say, snappy, impatient and rude with some customers).
After a couple months of this behavior from both my boss and Ellise, my boss started gently suggesting that I nudge Ellise to "find a new job they'd be happier at" I chose not to share this with Ellise at the time because I thought my boss was just being dramatic as she frequently was, and I felt it would be inappropriate coming from me.
Two days later, Ellise calls me crying, saying they just went into work and immediately got fired. Am I the AH for not sharing this with my friend? Am I wrong for not confronting my boss all the times she put me in uncomfortable/inappropriate scenarios involving my friend to begin with?
Here were the top rated comments from readers after reading the OP's story:
Illustrious-Tap5791
YTA. Like big time. Not only did you not tell her. You also shared her private information with a boss you knew was after her.
UnequalPenguin
"Despite this, every time I was asked, I was honest."
You're the AH for sharing private, privileged information with your boss. You wouldn't even need to have lied, a simple "Not to my knowledge" or "I don't think so" would have been enough. YTA for that.
The OP responded here:
Glum-Drop4250
That’s fair, i have definitely been a bit of a pushover in the past, especially considering i feared getting fired after that too.
Interesting_Flow730
YTA. You had several opportunities to help a friend out and do the right thing and, at each one, you chose poorly. First of all, you never should have shared your friend's medical information with your boss. That's not your information to share, and that's no business of the boss.
Second, you're an asshole for not encouraging your friend to find a new job when it was clear that a termination was coming. You didn't have to tell her that she was on the block, but you could have advised her to find a new job.
IchiUno1
Yes, you should have told your boss when she started asking questions about Ellise that those type of questions to you were inappropriate; she gets paid to manage, so she should go ask Ellise herself. And the same goes for her asking you to "nudge" Ellise. No, you should not have told Ellise. Live and learn. I will say NTA, but now you know better.
Confident-Try20
Uhh, I'd say YTA.. What make you an AH is you talked about your coworkers medical history, to someone other than her about things that didn't include anything about her work. You should have told your friend that your boss was asking seriously personal and invasive questions and, with the way Boss talked about OP's coworker, you should've told her Boss talked about firing her.
"the boss started sharing remarks, disguised as "being worried" but never actually asking her, "Did Ellise stop taking their meds?" "Has Ellise seemed more bitchy to you lately?"
Despite this, every time I was asked, I was honest. My friend had been struggling a little more at this time, specifically with insurance covering med costs, that sort of thing.
Boss is not legally, nor is it any of his business, required to know about any medical history and the fact he relied on someone else to tell his employees that they were being fired and he wanted you to do it OP... This is disgusting behavior..
ShadowCoon
100% YTA across the board. The very first time your boss made comments or asked about personal/private matters regarding to your friend, you should've gone straight to HR or your boss' boss.
And failing that, at the very least, you should've said "it's incredibly inappropriate of you to be asking me these things; if you have questions about her, you need to go speak to her. Please do not ever bring this up to me again, thank you."
And I don't know how you can say that you didn't warn your friend about your boss' intent to fire her because it "didn't feel appropriate coming from you," yet you didn't hesitate to share her personal information when prompted before, which was unquestionably FAR more inappropriate.
Apart-Ad-6518
ESH. You because it was very wrong to share your friend's confidential medical info with your boss. Your boss for involving you, as opposed to addressing any performance or other work related concerns confidentially and directly with Elise.