Guy asks if he was wrong to put drink on friend's tab who said, 'don't worry about it.'
Money issues suck, especially when you're away with a group of friends and everyone else seems flush and carefree, but you're on a budget. No one wants to be in that situation, but hopefully with a good friend group you can get through it without anyone feeling bad.
In this post, a guy went on a birthday weekend trip with some friends, and had a misunderstanding that made his uncomfortable money situation worse. It ended up becoming a running joke, and now he's not sure if he handled it the right way. Here's his story...
Last weekend I went to a casino for one of my old friend’s birthday. It’s a weekend thing, we stay Friday night through Sunday morning
So Saturday night, our last night at the casino, I’m down $200 because my friends don’t let me stop gambling until they’re ready to stop gambling. I just want to lock my wallet in a safe at this point and leave the casino but we’ve got this dinner at a fancy restaurant booked and then reservations at a nightclub VIP thing after.
I just got the side salad and a water at dinner because I can’t afford any of this. Then we go to the night club and I just get water again. My friend says “why are you getting water here?”
I say I’m just gonna stay on the cheap for the rest of the night because money is tight now. He says “hey don’t worry about it”. I say “really?” And he says again “Yeah, don’t worry about it.”
I assume this phrase, when said in this context, means “I’m buying your next drink”. So I order my favorite cocktail, tell the bartender to put it on my friend’s tab, and go back to the dance floor. When the end of the night came and we were closing out our tabs, my one drink was on my friend’s tab.
He told the bartender there was a mistake because he didn’t order that. I reminded him that he said he was buying it for me. He said “I never said that. I just told you not to worry about it. Like, we’re on vacation. Life is short. Don’t worry about stuff like that.”
At this point I’m a little pissed because I would normally never buy that drink at that price given the current situation I’m in. The only reason I didn’t get water or soda was because I thought my friend was offering to paying for it. We got into a small argument there in the bar, but I dropped it because it was his birthday.
Days later he’s still joking about it in the group chat like “I can’t believe you thought I was buying your drink,” and I keep telling him it’s a d*ck move to say what he said without realizing that most people mean that phrase to mean they’re paying for it.
My friend group is weirdly split. People who knew about it that night seem to side with me, but people who found out later on are siding with my friend and saying I shouldn’t be putting drinks on other people’s tabs unless I’m 100% they’re OK with that. AITA?
Edits:
Getting a lot of questions about the “my friends don’t let me stop gambling until they’re ready to stop gambling” comment, so I thought I’d add on to that part. We were there from Friday night until Sunday morning and the plan was to play blackjack and games like that most of the time we were there.
Within a couple hours of showing up, I’m UP about $100 from when I walked in and I was content with that because it would’ve paid for my split of the hotel room. My friends then all started giving me sh*t for cashing out so early.
The comment that got me was from a different friend was “Why would you even come on a casino weekend if you’re going to stop playing on the first night? What are you even going to do for the next two days?” and everyone seemed to agree with that statement so I went and got more chips to avoid bringing people down at what is supposed to be a celebration.
I ordered a $9 Rum and Coke and tipped $2. I’m not a big drinker so this is my go-to cocktail for when I actually want to be more drunk than I currently am. I’ll normally order a Bud Light or something that’s cheap and terrible and just sip it over the course of several hours.
Where I was having a pretty bad night, I did want an actual cocktail, not just a light beer. So I got my go-to cocktail. I was just mad because normally I would not be willing to pay $11 for a rum and Coke at a place like that. They’re $6 at some bars in my area and I’m much more comfortable in that range.
I’ll concede again that I should’ve gone for the cheaper one, and I agree I’m an asshole for that. I just also think there’s levels to this and I don’t want folks thinking I ran up like a $25 tab for a single beverage
From the comments:
EcstaticComplaint733 says:
If money is so tight stay away from casinos....
BortlesApologist OP says:
I guess what I’m having a hard time explaining here is that I don’t feel like I’m getting invited to stuff with this group anymore if I start declining invitations. The casino was they only thing they were doing, it’s not like I could say “hey I’m going to skip the casino but I’ll meet you at the next spot.”
If I stay away from the casino here, I think I lose my position in this group and potentially miss out on a lot of other future events that I might have enjoyed.
Antisocialize says:
Why are you so desperate for the approval of these people who aren’t even nice to you? Help us understand. I feel like you’re probably young so I don’t want to be harsh, but these people don’t care about you. Why are you groveling to be invited to spend time with people who peer pressure you and make jokes at your expense? Real friends want the best for you.
BortlesApologist OP responded:
This is my oldest / largest group of friends, I’ve known most of them since elementary/middle school. I wouldn’t even really say I belong to any other groups of friends, I just have individuals I consider friends but outside of one casual hang out for a few hours every few months we don’t do much together.
If I lost my spot in this group I wouldn’t have much else to speak of in terms of friends, just family.
tigeetailz says:
You have a budget and stick to it. If you can afford to lose $100 once that’s gone then you’re done. If your friends don’t want you around if you’re not throwing money you can’t afford away then you need new friends
BortlesApologist OP says:
Yeah that’s probably the truth
harleybidness says:
NTA. Is this friend really a friend? You can do better.
BortlesApologist OP says:
I’d consider him an “old friend” in that I’ve known him for a long time. Not a “good friend.” If we met each other 10 years later I doubt we’d hang out