'AITA for not inviting my friend's husband to dinner because he eats too much?' UPDATED
"AITA for not inviting my friend's husband to dinner because he eats way too much?"
My friend has been married for a year now to her firefighter husband. She is the only one in the friend group that is married. I usually host dinners every couple of months and we are going to do a late one for the holidays on Friday. I usually invite him but money has gotten tight due to the holidays and he eats so much. I understand why but it always results in my having to double recipes or I run out of food.
So this time I told everyone that I want to just do a girls night. This means my friend's husband is not invited. If he isn’t there then there is enough food for everyone without double recipes.
She called me up asking why I am doing a girls night, I told her the truth that I can’t afford to make double for dinner and her husband eats a lot. She called me a jag off and now she is telling my friends why. Everyone is split and no one is offering to help with the food bill.
The internet had a lot of thoughts.
PossessionMinimum862 wrote:
Is he insisting on more food? You also didn’t need to tell her the real reason if you didn’t want to and you’ve probably made him feel sh#$ty. Tbh if money is tight maybe don’t host dinners? Or ask everyone to bring a dish? Then you have to pay for less yourself and they can double up their own recipe.
YTA and should probably have just told the group it’s getting expensive and you are happy to host but bringing dishes/contributing to the cost would help instead of singling out one person and making them feel guilty for eating but I understand times are tough and money is tight for everyone so it can be really difficult so I do feel for you in that sense.
OP responded:
He eats two to three servings. He eats more than everyone else so if I don’t double it, some of girls will be hungry if he gets his fill since he will eat it all. Other option is he is still hungry which seems to be a no since that happened the first time and everyone was upset.
BlueRoyal99 wrote:
NTA and your friends are the AHs. They know you're tight on money but still want to host a dinner yet don't offer any money. F#$k them. Yes, your answer came off as insensitive but real friends are allowed to tell the truth without getting butthurt.
tamij1313 wrote:
I absolutely believe you! My husband has three nephews, who act like they’ve never been fed at every family gathering. They shove their way in front of everyone once the food is all out, and after they have gone through, it looks like a swarm of locusts has decimated every dish.
After a few of those incidents, I quietly went around to the moms with small kids, letting them know the food was ready so that they could make plates for their little ones first. Then I would go to the older people and let them know to go get their food. This worked really well and insured that everyone had a fair shot of getting a little bit of everything.
Every once in a while, the boys would realize that people were getting in line and I would stop them and let them know that we were going in groups and that their turn was coming up soon and I would let them know. These were not young kids either and far too old to not be aware of how selfish/gluttonous their behavior was.
It might’ve been rude to say why the firefighter wasn’t invited, as she could’ve just stuck with the girls night reasoning. Or just turned it into a potluck like others have suggested. If your friend and her husband don’t bring much to the potluck, then you could always pull the “Ladies first” card and he can go last and have whatever’s left over.
Mountain_Ad9526 wrote:
NTA. OP says he eats 3 servings of stuff. That’s rude a** behavior. I wouldn’t invite him over either.
After receiving a lot of support, OP jumped on with a short update:
Edit: I will give the group the option to Venmo me some money or change it to a potluck. Never mind I will be canceling it.
Well, it sounds like this got resolved.