Woman won't let friend bring BF's kid to her birthday; is told she's 'discriminating.'

There is no one-size-fits-all precedence for birthday parties.

Some birthdays are large yard parties with people of all ages, kids running around, the more the merrier. Others are celebrated with a handful of close friends at a black-tie-style restaurant. The vibe and plan can truly run the gamut depending on the birthday person's wishes. At the end of the day, that's what it should all be about: the birthday person celebrating the way they prefer.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for telling her friend she can't bring her boyfriend's kid.

She wrote:

AITA for not allowing my friend to bring her boyfriend's child to my birthday?

I am 30F and my group is 27F-33F for the most part. For reference, nobody has kids, and the only one dating someone with kids is Kenzie (33F). Kenzie is dating Jared (35F), a single dad who has a (5M) son, Ned. Ned's mom has addiction issues and isn't really in the picture. I booked my 30th birthday weekend reservations at my favorite hot grill restaurant.

I'm splashing out and paying for everyone, including our beer, and for the two cabs there and back from my place (most are crashing at my place, some people's partners/friends are picking them up). This was planned months ago. A week ago, Kenzie said Jared is going out of town for a work trip, and she will be watching Ned on my birthday weekend. She asked if she could bring Ned to my birthday.

I said no. There's a hot grill, we're going to be drinking (enough to need cabs!), and frankly, I don't want a kid at my 30th. Kenzie said she'll stay sober and pay for Ned's meal, and all I have to do is move the party away from the grill (which I already reserved) to a regular table to keep Ned safe. I still said no. The whole point of the restaurant we're going to IS the grill.

Kenzie is now blowing up the group chat saying that I'm 'discriminating against her because of her family status.' Fam. Kenzie has been dating Jared for three months and this is not a child-friendly event. Frankly, I'm shocked Jared's trusting his kid to her for the weekend (no shade to Kenzie, but three months wouldn't be long enough for me to leave my cat with someone).

AITA for refusing to move my party away from the grill and not allowing Kenzie to bring Ned to my 30th?

The thread quickly filled with comments across the board.

Any-Strawberry-9395 wrote:

NTA She doesn't have to come. Simple. Easy. End of!

EDIT WTF Jared is leaving his kid with her after 3 months? That ain't right!

And OP responded:

I KNOW RIGHT. THREE MONTHS. Kenzie is a good person but OMG.

Careless_League_9494 wrote:

NTA. Speaking as someone with four kids, it's super weird that she wants to bring a five-year-old to a thirty-year-old's birthday party, where they know people are going to be drinking excessively. Your friend doesn't have a familial status. She is not a parent. She is the babysitter for her boyfriend who is a parent.

Also speaking as a parent, it's super weird that they've only been dating for three months, and not only has she already met his kid, but that he's leaving her alone with him for the weekend.

IamIrene wrote:

NTA. Kenzie is asking for a whole lot of concession for a party that isn't about her.

'Her family status' - after three months of dating?? Just...yikes. O_O Is she usually this delusional?

Don't change a thing, stick to your guns, your adult's only party - your rules - literally. You'll find out that Kenzie isn't really a friend and maybe that is a really good thing to find out now. Wowza.

Johoski wrote:

NTA. Just keep your cool about it. Kenzie is making some red flag choices, and it's important to remain centered with people who are unstable. Kenzie is unstable, evidenced by her behavior in group chat.

It sounds crazy, but a great way to deflate these dramas is to validate the source of the drama while maintaining your boundaries and when possible, offering an alternate choice to disappointment and angst.

These things happen, sometimes people get double-booked and have to decline an event. I understand that you'd like to be with us as planned, and I would too. Unfortunately, bringing Ned means that I would have to change these plans and I am not going to do that. I'm sorry you won't be able to make it, but I hope that you and I can get together soon after this weekend and do something fun together.

CommunicationUsed420 wrote:

NTA. Parenting means giving up 'fun' nights out with friends to take care of the child. I don't think Kenzie is ready to be a parent.

OP is definitely NTA, but it doesn't sound like Kenzie already got herself in over her head.