Siblings snaps at sister who plans to skip friend's funeral because of 'ghosts.' AITA?
Going to a funeral usually doesn't top the list of "fun things to do" with your time. But they're an undeniable part of life - or more accurately, death. While avoiding facing death seems like the key to a happier and more upbeat life, it's an impossible task, and can create major rifts in your life long-term.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, the OP asked if they were wrong for telling their sister if she misses their friend's funeral, she'll blow up her relationships down the line. They wrote:
"AITA for telling my sister if she doesn’t go to the funeral due to her fear of dead people she will blow up all her relationships?"
My sister and I are pretty close and we were friends with Kat. Kat recently passed away and her funeral viewing is this weekend. My sister Sammy, has a fear of the dead. She strongly believes in ghosts and even has trouble with any meat due to her beliefs. I called her up and told her I can pick her up to go on Saturday since I knew she was having car trouble.
She informed me she will not be going. I asked why and she told me she can’t be around a ghost. I asked if she was joking and told her she can just stand in the back but everyone is expecting her to go. We are close friends with the family. I told her she needs to go or she will blow up all her relationships including me.
She said that won’t happen and I told her that family will never forgive her and I don’t think I will either since we have known her for years. She hung up and I got a call from my mom for making her cry and being a jerk for telling her what will happen if she doesn’t go.
Redditors gave OP an honest piece of their minds.
HeirOfRavenclaw wrote:
Yeah, YTA . Regardless of how ridiculous her fear is, it’s not your place to decide what she does and does not attend. She doesn’t want to go so you threaten her relationship with you? You’re going to stop talking to your sister because she didn’t attend a friend's funeral? Sounds like she's not losing much tbh.
She can pay her respects in a way she is comfortable, and doesn’t have to attend the funeral to appease you. If people are willing to “blow up their relationship” over this, they weren’t people worth knowing anyways. YTA.
Wonderful_Ad_6089 wrote:
YTA. Everyone grieves differently, and many people don't go to a funeral for numerous reasons, sometimes because they are in shock or denial, and going to the funeral makes the whole thing more real and more painful than they can handle in that moment, especially if they were really close to the person who died. Funerals are for the living, not the dead, Kat knew how Sammy felt about her.
What do you think Kat would say if she knew you were trying to b*lly Sammy into going to a thing that would be scary and traumatic? I'm going to guess that this is just your grief coming out. That you know Sammy will love you no matter what so you feel like it's okay to lash out her with the anger you can't lash out at Kat for.
It's okay to be mad that Kat is gone. And sometimes it's easier to focus on smaller upsets, like Sammy not going to the funeral, than it is to have to really look at the big thing that's upsetting us. I'm sorry for your loss. Please let Sammy grieve in the way they feel is best for them. There will be plenty of others who will be at the funeral to grieve with you in that way.
fuzzy_mic wrote:
Sammy is not the only person who has issues with funerals and particularly open-casket funerals. People know this and are very forgiving behind it. YTA for assuming you know what others will think/do and using that to bully your sister into attending.
mossfae wrote:
I'll go against the grain: NTA she's being f&*king ridiculous IMO.
WalkingHoZey wrote:
NTA. We all have to do things we don't want. Funerals are also there for others to support each other. If this will impact her relationship with others she needs to know.
Clearly, the internet is divided on this one, we'll need the opinions of some ghosts with WIFI in order to get a clear verdict.