'AITA for kicking my BF’s female friend out of my Halloween party because of her costume?' UPDATED
Hi everyone, I'll cut to the chase. I (19F) had a Halloween party over the weekend. I invited my boyfriend (21M) and a bunch of our friends over, including his girl best friend. I will call her "Agatha". My boyfriend and I had decided to dress up as Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater.
If you haven't seen the costume, the guy wears a shirt that says Peter Peter and the girl dresses as a pumpkin because... well you know! I was pretty excited just because I thought it was a funny and cute costume.
Agatha texted me the night before the party and asked what my costume was going to be! I explained the couple's costume my boyfriend and I would be wearing and she replied that should would probably just come as a "sexy cat".
Fast forward to the night of the party, everyone is having fun and it's a nice time! Well, it was... until Agatha walked in dressed as a pumpkin. She went over and hugged my boyfriend. I swear the room went silent. I was pissed. I asked if I could speak with her privately and we went into my bedroom.
I asked why she chose that costume since she knew the details of the joint costume between my boyfriend and I. She said she didn't see the big deal and thought it would be a better group costume.
I told her I didn't think it was funny and I would prefer that she change. I offered her a witch costume that she could borrow for the night. She turned red and started to yell that I don't get to control what she wears. I told her that she was disrespecting my relationship by insinuating that my boyfriend and her hook up. She kept screaming about how it was funny and I needed to lighten up.
I ended up asking her to leave. She stormed out of the house and I returned to the party. The mood had shifted and the night felt ruined. My boyfriend agrees that she crossed the line and is planning on cutting her off completely. BUT a few of our friends are saying that I was being dramatic and I should have let her stay. I guess I'm just wondering...am I the @$$h@le?
Do you think she was overreacting? Or would you have done the same thing if you were in her (pumpkin-y) shoes?
Here's what top commenters had to say:
GladCondition1199 said:
NTA, you weren’t dramatic at all ! It seems like she just wanted to ruin your couples costume, you were doing the right thing on talking to her and she just didn’t heard you at all ! So it was good taking her out of your house. It’s nice your boyfriend support you
IndividualBee4569 said:
NTA, she over stepped by doing that. She clearly knew you'd be bothered and she may have more than friends feelings for your boyfriend. I'm wondering if there was ever a sexual relationship between them at one point. Jealousy is an ugly monster.
No_Consideration1244 said:
NTA. She knew exactly what she was doing. I'm glad your bf is supporting you.
Top_Dog4843 said:
Yeah, this is weird behaviour. This is giving guy's girl energy – best friends with your boyfriend and secretly not okay that she can't be his priority or number one girl. Wonder if they used to do matching costumes before you came along.
And Scout78604 said:
NTA. In no way would adding more pumpkins improve the "group" costume...it's called a couples costume for a reason...and it certainly would come across as he also eats her pumpkin...you took her to another room to talk, you offered an alternative costume...
She refused to listen or change...and while she's not wrong that you can't really tell her what she can wear, you 100% can kick her out of your place. Happy your boyfriend is standing by you.
Well, four months after her original post, she shared this absolutely wild albeit not completely shocking update:
Well…I have an update! I meant to post one a few months ago but I really needed time to process the events that occurred after this whole ordeal. I’m glad I waited though, because you all need to hear this one.
Many people pointed out that my boyfriend must be sleeping with Agatha since she went absolutely bonkers for seemingly no reason. I thought since he immediately took my side and blocked her on everything that you were wrong.
Well, it was me who was wrong. It turns out that Agatha and my boyfriend have been sleeping together for MONTHS and they were just really good at hiding it. Until she decided that she didn’t want to be his “mistress” anymore.
I found this out when I was at his house and hanging out in his room. He was showering after a workout and I heard this vibrating noise. He had taken his phone and mine was right next to me so I couldn’t figure out what it was. I opened his bedside table drawer and found a second phone.
My gut told me that something wasn’t right, why would he have a second phone? It didn’t take me long to guess his password (1234, really?) and my fears were confirmed.
There was a missed call from Agatha. I looked through the messages and found out the truth. Not only had they been sleeping together, she recently found out that she was pregnant. This was the reason she pulled the stunt on Halloween. She was trying to force his hand. I also saw that he was messaging other girls as well. I was completely devastated.
After his shower, he found me grabbing all of my belongings and putting them in my bag. He asked why I was leaving and I told him because we were finished. I threw his phone on the bed and he looked like he was going to vomit. He started pleading me to hear him out but I didn’t want to hear it.
He could have all of those other girls, I didn’t want him anymore. He followed me out of the house shaking and crying, he even followed me all the way out to my car trying to block my path. I went over the grass around him and didn’t look back.
He sent me a long message about how he never wanted to hurt me, that he wanted me back, and how he was using his work phone to text all of these woman so I wouldn’t find out. That was helpful! I sent his boss a nice little message about how company property was being misused and I saw on LinkedIn he no longer works for that company anymore.
He is blocked on everything now. I hope him and Agatha have a magical life with their baby. Oh! I heard through the grapevine that he got one of the other woman pregnant too! I’m glad I dodged that bullet.
As for me, I am currently in therapy working on my trust issues and learning how to love myself again after this situation. I have been putting myself out there again and have cut contact with anyone who knew what was happening behind my back. Thank you for all the love and support!