'AITA for trying to make my husband's family feel guilty for insulting my family?'
"AITA for trying to make my husband's family feel guilty for insulting my family?"
BG: I was an affair baby though it's complicated. My mom was not married, she was actually divorced from my sister's bio dad but they were back together and had my sister. Mom treated him like crap.
He left her and then I was born a few months later. When I was 6 months old my mom got arrested. The man I have known as my dad my whole life, sister's bio dad, did not want us to grow up apart so he took me in.
My bio is a POS. He had a son after me and was trying to use him to get to me. Dad tried to help us have contact but bio showed to be not a good parent and so dad reported him to CPS. Dad ended up adopting him too.
So the three of us were raised together. My sister the only bio of dad's but us not caring because he treated all three of us the same.
I am used to comments about me not being dad's real daughter or how he only adopted my brother because he wanted a son if he had to raise two girls (where we grew up people were nosy, gossiped a lot and were unafraid of being mean).
But I have always loved that the people closest to me never saw us as less of a true family and never said those hurtful things. I'm married and my husband is one of those people who was never awful about it. But his family were confused the first time they met us and we were clearly not a bio family.
They expected me to have my husband's dad walk me down the aisle at my wedding, have said how sad it is I never knew my dad, and many other comments about not having a real parent.
My husband and I took a break from them because they would not listen to him and stop saying those things. They apologized and we had just started being around them again when they said our future children would at least have two grandparents.
My husband said our kids would have three. They brushed him off. So we were done again. But I was so mad that I really leaned in on what they were saying.
I pointed out how terrible it is to have a dad who loves his kids regardless of blood and instead two criminal parents would have been better, parents who would not be good to their kids, and I went into details about just how bad things would have been with bio and how fed up my mom is.
I wanted them to feel bad for ever implying the man who saved my brother and I and who raised us was less our parent. And it worked.
They were mad though and said on top of depressing everyone I was an a@$hole for trying to make them feel like s$#t. My husband thought it was amazing because it really stopped them in their tracks.
But now I feel like I might have gone too far, especially with the anger his family showed. AITA?
Let's find out.
usedmark7911 writes:
Your real Dad, the man who loved and raised you sounds like an amazing person. He more than makes up for you and your husband’s crappy birth parents. NTA for explaining the reality of the situation to your in-laws. Sorry if they don’t like having feelings I guess?
nimbupani200 writes:
You can also see how the cycle of bad parenting breaks right? Having had such an amazing dad, it seems OP has grown to be a confident woman, unafraid of speaking up for people she cares about.
She has also found the person who is unafraid to stick up for her. If Freud is right and we marry/want to marry someone who is like our dad, OPs dad paved the way for her finding a wholesome man. NTA
ectof writes:
NTA, how wonderful that you had a dad to love you and take care of you and your siblings when your bio parents were not able to.
This is a very lucky situation that doesn't happen often and you should be able to celebrate it with your family and loved ones instead of being made to feel bad or having to defend yourself or your dad.
Your husband's parents don't seem like great people so maybe you can cut ties and if you and your husband are ok then he and your future kids can keep a very basic relationship with them (if your husband's parents can be civil). Please remember this: you don't have to suffer just because you married their son.