'I caught my fiancé texting a married woman who was at his "all guys" bachelor party.' UPDATED 2X

"My fiancé got caught messaging a married woman during his bachelor party."

I need advice. My F26 fiancé M27 and I are getting married this May. He had his bachelor party over the weekend. Well, last night I was doing his eyebrows and be fell asleep. He was snoring something hilarious, but I didn't have my phone to take a video. So I picked up his phone. While taking the video, a message popped up. I wish I was joking. From a married woman with kids he used to work with.

The text read, "so glad to have been apart of your bachelor party ♥️." I was confused, because it was an all guys event in the middle of the woods. I admit, curiosity got the better of me and I opened it. My mistake, but I genuinely didn't think I would find what I did. They had been flirting, really heavily, the night of his bachelor party. He was egging on her on to come.

Saying he was sad she wasn't there. She in turn, said things such as, "the Mrs. wouldn't like it if I were there." "I would have stolen you away from the boys, they wouldn't have liked that." To which he responded, "would you now?." She then said, "our last shot." To which he liked with a heart.

I told him immediately what I saw, and apologized for snooping. However, I was really uncomfortable with this. Even if he was absolutely trashed, I still did not think it was okay. He denied it being flirty for a while, saying the last shot thing was in reference to alcohol, but given the context I don't think it was. He has since apologized for disrespecting our relationship and is asking me for another chance.

What do I do? I love him so much, I still do. But I am hurt. He says he's never met up with her, and that they just started flirting out of the blue, but that makes zero sense to me. Any advice? Should we call off the wedding?

RELEVANT COMMENTS:

Charming_Big2092 said:

An honest loyal man wouldn’t be texting another woman and sending flirty messages. Especially not begging her to come to his party. The only person he should have been texting and begging was you. I think you need to blow this woman’s life up. Text screen shots to her husband and let the dominos fall.

Then take a couple days away from him. Not as a punishment or stonewalling him but to really think about what you want and he needs to figure out what his priorities are. Is it you? Or is it sneaking flirty text to another woman because what he did constitutes as cheating.

OP responded:

The bad thing is....they got close because of my cancer. I recently battled a very rare stage 3 cancer. In the earlier texts, she's comforting him about my diagnosis. The most recent text I saw, was from a day ago. So, they were still texting even after his bachelor party.

MiserableCaregiver64 said:

The universe is literally telling you not to marry this man. You were supposed to pick up rhat phone at the exact time you did and saw that message.

I would still leave the man who I thought was my soulemate if I saw messages like that. He has cheated the second he texted her. He was literally thinking about her in that moment and messaged without a second thought about you. They have definitely done the deed, but even him messaging, I'd say bye!

OP responded:

The really crappy thing. I looked at the time stamps. While he was texting her this, he was texting me about us having babies, and how much he loves me.

Deleted Commenter said:

I hope you’re healing well. Then getting close while you were sick is a major red flag. Men are statistically more likely to leave and/or cheat on their wives when they’re sick. You do not deserve a man who uses your illness to cozy up to another woman and then start begging her to come to him while he is drunk. He is for the streets and I hope you realize you deserve so much better.

OP responded:

Thank you. It's been a very rough road. He said during the confrontation that she was a friend to me because she kept in touch with him through out ny treatment....(tiny violin playing). I've never met the woman. This just all feels so wrong. I'm heart broken.

A day after her original post, OP shared this first update:

First of all, thank you to everyone for all of the support. It has been a rough 24 hours. I did not think this would blow up the way it did.

Unfortunately, this is very real. And even more upsetting this is not the first incident that has made me wonder. Back when I was in recovery after treatment, I was finally able to be intimate with him. I was not in remission yet, but my doctor gave me the go ahead. I wanted to, it's very important to me in a relationship. Whenever I would initiate, he would push it off. Say, hey, let's try again next week, etc. After a long discussion, he asked to sleep with other people.

I was shell shocked, and I decided to move past it. But now, seeing these messages, I know that was not random. The fact that during the confrontation he asked for a second chance, stating he'd be more faithful and more loyal is enough.

Cancer drastically changes your view of yourself. For so long, I thought I was just lucky to have someone who stood by me. I now know that is the bare minimum.

Currently, I am at my parents, taking some time away. It's over. When I get back I will be ending it.

I will post again to let everyone know how it goes. Thank you reddit ♥️

Then, two weeks later, she shared this second and final update:

These past few weeks have been the most challenging in my life thus far. This will be a long update, so Morgan, friends and reddit fam bare with me. I broke up with him. The wedding is official off and I am single for the first time in years. When I broke up with him, it was so hard. Not only was he expecting it (good) but I also again, asked why.

He said that over these past five years, he has always been in the mindset of the grass is greener in regards to out relationship. And now that he does not have me, he says his life is incomplete with out me. I call bullsh!t. To me...I do not think he really knew what he wanted. Which makes it even more painful that I knew exactly what I wanted, and needed.

He did fulfill most of my expectations for our relationship, I will give him that. He proposed for Christ sake, apparently with wanting other people in mind. A true gut punch. Most nights, I cry myself to sleep. It's been very confusing.

I contacted his friends who were at the bachelor party and even provided them with the screenshots I took. Maybe a little petty, but I wanted them all to know the truth of what happened. Most are very good guys and are pissed as hell at him...some are not even talking to him. Apparently, he was with them the whole night, but who am I to truly know. I also do not want to think about that too hard, nor should I have to.

I have definitely reached the point where I am angry. Someone I loved betrayed not only me, but our relationship in such an easy fashion. He would have never told me if I had not found the messages. To make matters worse, they were still messaging even after the uber "flirtatious mistake," so he can kiss my booty. Is it wrong I am mad that it appears not many people are reading him the riot act?

I did not send a message to the woman's husband. I stalked Facebook however, and it now says she is single. On my end, personally, I have accepted a new job as a barn and boarding manager for horses. Morgan, horse girls unite! This allowed me to have a place to move, and get away. I've found peace here with my horses. On February 13th, I made it to my one year in remission mark. I am healing. Finally.

Although I am heartbroken, and angry, being here with my animals, and with the comfort of my friends as allowed me to start finding peace. Not just in this crappy situation, but given everything I have been through mentally and physically this past year, it's time I focus on loving myself.

Thank you to everyone for the love, support, and encouragement. You all helped me be tbe bad ass woman I needed to be. Much love, stay healthy ♥️

RELEVANT COMMENTS:

sikonat said:

Horses will be healing. It seems the real cancer was your now ex fiance. I wish you the best and hope you find someone who loves and values you. And the scum that was your ex gets sh!tted on. I’m petty though so I’d leave a public comment on her Facebook that all her friends commented on so they’ll see it to say that you know she was having an affair with him and he’s all hers now.

OP responded:

She must be a really gross person to use my diagnosis to get close to him. Apparently, she initiated first contact. Never met her in my life.

KobilD said:

Have you blocked him everywhere yet?

OP responded:

I'm starting too. Everything happened so fast that I had so many things going on at once. From moving, the starting the new job, canceling vendors, etc.