Woman finds drawer of BF's 'trophies.' 'This is at best incredibly creepy and dishonest.' UPDATED

"I found my boyfriend’s 'trophies' and I don’t know what to do."

I (28F) have been dating my boyfriend (28M) for almost 6 years with one year long breakup after an issue with infidelity on his end. I gave him another chance and things have been going great.

We had decided to take things slow when we got back together (a little over a year ago), so we didn’t move in together right away and a couple months before my lease was up we started looking for a place. I was slowly starting to move some of my stuff into his place as my lease will be up a couple weeks before his and we won’t be able to move into our new place until that time.

With summer basically already here, I was getting my winter stuff into the little bit of storage I could in his apartment and stumbled across a drawer with two pairs of my panties that had long gone missing. For context, the drawer is one of those long and deep under the bed drawers. The panties were directly in front, you could see the red fabric clearly by only opening the drawer a couple of inches.

I asked him about it and he seemed embarrassed and said I had left them at his place when we broke up and that he would “use them” when he missed me or was “thinking” about me during his um…personal time. I might be an absolute weirdo for this, but I thought that was kind of sweet so I told him to keep them. He had said he’s never done anything like that before and he was too embarrassed to tell me.

Fast forward to moving day. He had to work that morning, but we had almost everything already packed and ready to go, so I was just supposed to stay with the movers and unlock necessary doors and stuff. He said that when he got done with work he would deal with the bed frame thing since it was so bulky and required power tools to take apart.

Everything got moved much more quickly than anticipated (we were just moving across our small town), so I thought I’d start the process of moving the bed frame.

When I pulled out the drawers I found, in the very back, 10 pairs of women’s panties (not including the two of mine in front) and a uniquely patterned pair of bikini bottoms. I quickly put the drawers back and reverted to the original plan and waited for him to get done with work.

I have not brought up finding the full contents of the drawer, but did sort of revert to my old 2AM-mental instability-spiral routine of online stalking the girl he cheated on me with a few years ago and found a picture of her wearing the bikini bottoms.

This was bad enough, but she was wearing them on a vacation that took place (or was at least posted) a weekend he was out of town for (what he told me was) work, and she has since then not worn them in two other bathing suit posts.

I have fully convinced myself that he’s cheated again despite only having a drawer of clothing items and an Instagram post that very well could have been posted long after the picture was taken.

No panties have been added to the collection, and I still haven’t said anything to him about it despite him asking multiple times if something is bothering me. I guess I’m asking for advice on what I should do now

Edit for both context and a sort of update: Her instagram post was captioned “over a year of being sunburnt” and was a kinda photo dump of multiple trips, with the time frame of our break up it’s a very real possibility that they were together while we weren’t and she is just now posting them (although it would have had to be literal days before we reconciled officially).

We live in a small town and my best friend is dating her (the girl my bf cheated with*****)’s brother, so I’ve enlisted her to dig for some info. I’ve also taken photos and screenshots which I intend to print out, and write up a sort of script type thing or notes to confront him.

It’s not lost on me that this is at best incredibly creepy and dishonest, and at worst dangerous and perverted. I have already started looking into alternative living arrangements (which is why I initially reached out to my best friend, and will be staying with her)

Commenters weighed in, and they all pretty much said the same thing:

luluzinhacs said:

Girl, what? You really need advice on what to do here? I think you already know, and just don’t want to believe it

redcore4 said:

You don’t trust him. How long do you think you can keep things going if that’s the case?

Horror-Reveal7618 said:

"When I pulled out the drawers I found, in the very back, 10 pairs of women’s panties (not including the two of mine in front) and a uniquely patterned pair of bikini bottoms."

He chose to keep them. He could have thrown the panties away. He should have thrown the panties away. But he's choosing to keep them. Why is he keeping them?

Dry-Crab7998 said:

"I gave him another chance and things have been going great." Things have not been going great, he got better at hiding his cheating. Take your knickers and leave.

And Far-Season-695 said:

Um break up. He’s cheated on you before and now it seems like he’s cheating on you again. Why put yourself through this cycle of hurt and distrust?

She then shared this update on the situation:

I didn’t expect this post to get as much attention as it has and I do really appreciate the different perspectives. I did text him saying that I think we need some time apart, and am currently sitting on my friends couch.

I messaged the girl asking if she and I could talk, but have not gotten a response yet. Previously when he cheated, she was under the impression that he and I had broken up and I have never been rude or angry towards her as she was lied to in that situation as well.

I don’t see this relationship working out because either way he has lied to me. Whether he has a panty fetish, is cross dressing, or whatever else has been discussed in the comments; when confronted initially he said he had never done that before. Either he was honest then and has since acquired the panties (with or without physically cheating again), or he lied then and that wasn’t the first time.

I’m not really sure what my next steps will be, because we still have 11 months in this lease, but I will be talking with the property manager tomorrow. I’m currently trying to figure out what the best course of action is as far as breaking up. Whether to have a conversation and laying it all out there, leaving him to figure out why I’m leaving on his own, or what.

I will say already did take mine back and tossed them in the dumpster. If I find out when she messages me back that he stole the bottoms from the other girl I feel it’s safe to assume he took them all without permission, and I will be discarding them.