'Just found out my husband has a secret family when his other wife knocked on my door.' UPDATED
"I (F32) just found out that my husband(M36) has a full blown secret family because his 'other wife' (F29) just knocked on my door."
I thought that I had a pretty happy marriage with "Jonas". We have been together for over 11 years now and married for 9. We have twins (f8). Jonas works in a branch of business were he spents 3 months outside and 3 months at home. During this time he will visit us and we will visit him. It is I convinient but he earns really good. So good so that I needn't work if I didn't want to.
During all those years I have never suspected him if cheating. He was always "super honest" with me and would even tell me about attraction to other people he felt. So this comes all of the blue for me. Jonas is away on a business trip for the weekend. A woman knocked on my door. She introduces herself as "cherry". When I asked her what it was about she broke down crying.
I took her in and after calming her she started to tell me this story about Jonas. Apparently she and Jonas have been together for over 6 years and have a little boy (3)together. We were both fooled because he keeps his life there completely separate from our life here. He has 2 different sets of social media accounts.
And as his parents sadly passed away in a car accident 15 years ago he didn't have to introcude either to them. At first I was livid and screamed at her. Till I calmed down as she was just a victim. Apparently chery found out my(our) husband has an apparemment that was paid for by the company (were he would take me if I visit) trough some bank statements.
She searched his keys and went snooping. There is were she found out about us and decided she wanted to tell me the truth after thinking for over 3 months about it. We both cried our eyes out together. Cursed out Jonas and now she is sleeping on my couch.
She is not legally married to Jonas as he sold her the "I don't believe in marriage Spiel". The only legal spouse he has is me. I know I have to divorce him but maybe I just need some extra advice and a little husband roasting. Also should I keep in touch with chery and should we introduce our kids?
What do you think she should do? This is what top commenters had to say:
civex said:
Talk to a lawyer first, please. Don't do or say anything that might jeopardize your rights and claims during a divorce, if you choose that path. Best wishes.
HalfBloodBureaucrat said:
Had a friends dad who did this for over 13yrs before getting caught, and as he was doing it between countries he managed to get legally married in both Countries. To OP I watched how hard this was on my friends family when they found out about his dad's "other family" and am truly sorry this has happened to you.
Please follow everyone's advice and stay calm and cool until you've saught legal advice. Don't let him know it's coming until he's been served. My friends mum did not do this and let's just say it did not go aswell as it should have.
aulton1968 said:
If getting legal help is going to take time, then both you and Cherry should stay cool calm and quiet, so that you can set the pace with your legal team. Hopefully he doesnt get a bunch of angry texts from Cherry tomorrow and start making moves, getting his own legal team ready and securing financial assets.
[deleted] said:
The only problem I can see with staying friends with Cherry is she may be resentful when you get alimony payments and she doesn’t. But you two share an experience. You owe her a lot for telling you the truth. And it has been said that “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.”
When you sue for divorce and she sues for palimony you can work together by providing information to each other. If your kids and her kid can bond as relatives then that is a good thing. Having allies in the world is a good thing. I would say you should try to work with her.
Update from OP:
Thanks for the few helpful advices I have gotten and screw you to the people making fun of me or calling me a troll. I honestly thought that someone would listen to me here but I guess it's if I wanted that I needed to have better grammar and a less crazy story.
Thanks for the people that did tho. Cherry has left and I will pick up my kids from my sister's right now. I will be leaving the house for a few days to get my ducks in a row and begin legal proceedings
More relevant comments:
Hi! Cherry came with a butt load of pictures and videos to prove it to me. Of course I first thought that that was some crazy woman that wanted to ruin my marriage
So me and my daughters send Jonas weekly letters in the mail as a fun activity. She found the letter stash at the entry and took our address. He has friends and co-workers. But as I said he lives two separate lives. Yes that's also a part I don't quite understand. He is 3 months with me, 3 months with her and then the cycle repeats. He just lives 3 months at a time with one of us.
No his profiles are both private. On the one he uses at our town he uses his first name "Jonas" for the second town he uses his second name, "Henry" so that if you search "Jonas last name" only that profile of him Wil pop up. Plus both his profile pictures don't have a pic of his face but pictures of a landscape with a tiny him and a picture of our dog. Same with Instagram