'My husband's co-worker tried to break up our marriage. It didn't go as planned.' UPDATED 3X

"To my husband’s female colleague,"

I know you look through this sub after you got advice here telling you to come clean to me about your “affair” with my husband, I personally couldn’t find a thread that fit the description, but could be the wrong sub or you deleted it, so if you read this and it sounds familiar then yes it’s about you. I have no plans of speaking to you in the future but I want to make a few things clear.

Yes I do remember when we first met at the Christmas party and you kept trying to get my husband alone to ‘talk’, you pouted so much when he refused I thought you would quack. Do you remember how all of his colleagues were friendly with me?

I remember when you approached my husband and I walking home from my birthday dinner, I’m pretty sure this was a coincidence but seeing my husband practically jump away from you trying to hug him was the highlight of my night.

I know my husband is sexy, of course I know, I married him and had kids with him, but I bet you didn’t know because you have only been at the company for a few months that your coworkers used to be my coworkers, I know all about you trying to get him alone after meetings, not only straight from my husband because you make him feel uncomfortable but also from them.

Did you think he wouldn’t talk to me after you ‘accidentally’ sent him two provocative photos on two separate occasions, did you think you could really get him? Did you look at his Instagram and think wow I want that life I just need to lie to his wife and it’s all mine?

Do you think knocking on my door when I’m hosting a dinner party to hand me printouts of your ‘conversations’ with him that I would go off on the deep-end and divorce him? I’m pretty sure HR have spoken to you already about your inappropriate behaviour and misuse of his personnel file. I’m sure you are shocked maybe you didn’t think my husband would report it.

I don’t know what repercussions you will get and I don’t care, if you come near me, my husband, our kids or our nice home again police will be called.

A word of advice if your going to fabricate messages you might want to get rid of the wrong number or at least replace it with a name.

First update:

She has been fired with immediate effect, I will update when we know our next steps. Thank you for the support so far.

Notable comments:

This is crazy as hell!! What’s hubs take on this, OP?!

OP's response:

He is worried about his professional life, yes we have actual evidence she has lied but it’s still a lot to take in. He knows he did nothing wrong. I just hope he doesn’t close off from the happy man he is.

Comment:

Do you really believe that your husband wanted nothing to do with it? The classic story of a man caught cheating, and he suddenly turns into the victim of harassment. I'm guessing HE told you that she faked the screenshots?

OP's respose:

Please read through my previous comments, the answer has already been provided, but ultimately she was texting her friend (maybe event herself if what some comments have pointed out) and left the wrong number at the top of the printed out messages, the messages were not how my husband texts with the spelling being atrocious also.

We called the number after we had both calmed down from the situation and a woman that sounded similar to her picked up. The printout was then given to my husband to hand into HR, my friends in my former department has also confirmed they have them and are investigating the matter.

Comment:

You got to let us know what the print outs said 😭

OP's response:

I had to hand the printouts in to my husband when he went to HR. I waited till after the investigation concluded to post this.

Follow up comment:

But what did they say?? What was she trying to accuse him of?

OP's response:

I can only summarise as I don’t have them but that they loved each other, he would leave me for her, the house was his so I would need to move out with our kids, (the house is mine) that she wanted to have his babies, that he wished he met her first.

Comment:

It doesn't match with your story either, however I have a question. Don't know if you answered before but...Did you laugh at her face when she showed you the dumb prints? How did you react? [link]

OP's response:

Im glad no-one asked me this until now. I didn’t laugh. I’m a calm person especially when I’m pissed off, I always try to think before I react, so last Monday it’s our turn to host our friends for dinner,

I was just about to head into the kitchen to check the food as my husband is pouring drinks, the doorbell goes, I’m closest, it’s her and she looked like she was about to cry, she hands me the stack of paper and says how I should read it, how she loves my husband, she didn’t want to hurt a fellow woman but the heart wants what it wants, told me it was best if I left and for 5 whole minutes she just kept talking.

I stood there silent, listened, she finally stopped talking and I remained silent and now just staring at a blubbering mess that she was, I just kept staring until she felt awkward enough to turn and walk away.

Maybe for a split second I doubted my husband because the woman was a mess but when he appeared next to me thinking he would save me from an over talkative neighbour he was confused seeing her car leave, I handled him the papers and agreed to go through them together…

we skimmed it alone first and by page 2 I knew it was bullshit as him kicking me out of the ‘his hard earned house’ was mentioned (inherited and prenup makes that nearly impossible) so with the tension gone within minutes of her leaving we carry on with dinner and read through it with our friends.

Not my best moment as I felt bad my trust faltered for a few seconds because who in their right mind would show up at a house with fake messages, my husband was just as confused! But a few seconds of confusion over 15 years isn’t that bad. Sorry for going on, it’s just bizarre to me.

What is your husband attitude about all these ? [link]

OOP's response:

He is currently sleeping, but he is anxious about how this will affect his job, he is not sure what she may have said during her meeting, luckily he has been at the company 16 years and was the first to report something, luckily everyone at the company knows what he is like and either knows me from working with me or knows he is very happily married with kids, we have his coworkers witness some of the behaviour in and outside of work, so we are waiting for the verdict of the HR team, who happens to be my old team.

Comment: I remember the part when she came over and tried to hug your husband, she portrayed it as him getting nervous. I believe both her post and throwaway were deleted as most people poked holes at her story and she still came up as the villain in her own story. Good for your husband to stand his ground from the beginning. Sounds like a a solid marriage to me. [link]

OP's response:

Ah! I do want to find it, I’m kinda giving up hope of finding the exact post but maybe she changed too many details so I can’t recognise her.

I did ask him earlier why he jumped away, after a few people found it odd, he said that he had started feeling uncomfortable around her just before that interaction and didn’t know why she tried to hug him in the first place,

they only worked together when their departments had meetings when my husband was addressing/presenting to the two teams and it was after those meetings that she used to try to get him alone to discuss in ‘further detail’ the points he would make that were already clearly explained in the presentation. So he jumped away because she started acting weird towards him.

She later shared this update:

First I want to say thank you to everyone who supported my husband and I in my first post, this might go on for a little bit so I’m sorry in advance. I probably wont be as articulate as I was in my first post. I never found her post by the way. If all you want is the update skip to the bottom line.

A few people implied that there was no smoke without fire, usually I would agree and have been on the other side making these comments myself on my actual account but my husband is also on Reddit and saw the comments and he wanted me to add some prior events.

My husband is high up within the company marketing department that works closely with the event team in their field, when they work together on a project big or small they have to have meetings, the bigger the project the more meetings needed.

My husband worked very closely with the colleague that went on maternity leave, the woman was highly recommended by a senior employee in the events team, so after she had training on the systems and brought up to speed by her department head and my husband for a big project he was friendly towards her. He remained professional at all times and the meetings they had were also never alone.

The project was a success and then another big project landed in their laps, it was at this time the woman started acting strange just before the Christmas period, asking for clarification after meetings when the points had been discussed thoroughly.

When my husband rebuffed this and directed her to her own manager it escalated to offering to discuss work matters over coffee/lunch/dinner countless times a week, telling him that he looked good that day, this was done using her work email. She met me at the Christmas party and sulked when she couldn’t get him alone and a few days later sent my husband the first picture via social media,

he didn’t actually see the first picture until after she apologised in person, he accepted her apology before checking his messages when he was back at home with me, she had put a ‘oops sorry wrong person’ message straight after it so when he clicked that message the first picture was there, which she could have deleted before he actually saw the message.

A week later a similar thing happens with a second picture on a different social media platform, he saw who the message was from and asked me to open it, it was a little more provocative then before, but when she apologised she asks him if he told me about the pictures as she didn’t want me to get the wrong idea as they were both obviously a drunken mistake.

She was not a friend on any of his social media, so I don’t know how she thought that was an excuse. My birthday comes along and when she went to hug my husband he jumped away as her actions were getting him worried. But after that her actions calmed down a little bit, she sort of stopped asking him out to discuss work so much. But then last Monday happened.

Update #3:

She was fired for sexual harassment and gross misconduct and this has led to someone else being suspended pending investigation. As my husband and I were both working from home due to the events that happened last week I was unaware at the time of my post that she had been suspended pretty much straight after my husband reported this to HR on the Wednesday,

he handed over the text exchange, the messages on his social media with proof he never responded and he printed out the work emails he had received also. The reason for the rapid response was due to the nature of the allegations, but I can confirm she was fired yesterday. I have not been told what she said but she did not try to raise any allegation against my husband.

In my comments I explained a little about the HR department’s system, the company uses an electronic personnel database which only HR employees can log into, no other employees should have access to this system, yet an employee in the IT department gave the woman unauthorised access to the HR system. A report was ran and she had been in my husband’s file 34 times,

I don’t know what she actually did in there but apparently there was so many amendments that they had to restore his file from a recent backup. So the IT employee has been suspended pending an investigation but I don’t know much else about that as it’s not my job to know, I’m only recounting what I have been told by my husband and former colleagues.

The past 48 hours has been crazy but I am glad that this post reached other platforms as a relative of hers found the post and reached out to us to apologise for the woman’s actions, after a few messages were exchanged we had a very long telephone conversation. I will not go into specifics due to their privacy however I can say the following things with permission.

The woman has been fixated on other men before, resulting in an order of protection against her and her needing treatment, the family believes this is due to a traumatic event she witnessed as a child. She is normally very stable when she has medication, the only problem with that is when she is stable she believes she is completely healthy and stops taking the medication causing a relapse.

The person that she had the text exchange with was her teenage niece, who was not aware of her aunts condition, the niece was under the impression it was a joke, then became scared when we called Wednesday morning so she hung up, she reported this to her family and they found out later that day the woman had been suspended.

The family found the post and my comment referencing the text exchange and got my husbands name from the woman after confirming the post was her. The woman is currently staying with other relatives about 4 hours away from where we are, we will be contacted if she goes missing from their care especially while the medication is working its way back into her system.

We will not be pressing charges at present but we have logged this with the police especially after talking about it with our friend and her family are aware of this. Our security is being updated within the next two weeks, the school and daycare are also aware of the people who can and can’t drop off/pick up my kids with photos of them.

They have also been provided a photo of her and to contact my husband and/or I if they see her near the schools or attempts to pick my children up. Hopefully I won’t need to provide a further update to this and I’m going to have a bottle of wine and hopefully my husband and I will have a very good nights sleep.

Edit: The niece found the post and recognised the some of the text exchange I referenced in my comments, possibly the part about kicking me out of my house with my kids as that was the only part I was not too vague about but I don’t actually know what else has gone on in their family behind the scenes as I didn’t speak directly to her.

Notable comments:

Comment: Yikes, what a saga. Glad the situation has been figured out and dealt with so you can begin to exhale. Let’s all hope the former colleague continues to get the help she desperately needs. Hard to imagine how traumatized her brain must be.x

OP's response: Yeah I feel a little guilty for posting now but it ultimately did get her the help and support she needs.

Comment: This is so scary! Glad she was fired. What do you mean by amendments? I'm assuming she was editing stuff on your husbands file?

OP's response: She had changed a lot of information on his file, I’m not allowed to know the exact extent but she had access to everything HR would. They managed to confirm that she didn’t access anyone else’s file also, and the amendments were reverted back when the backup was restored.

Comment: Yikes that’s terrifying! I’m glad there’s been a swift resolution to this situation. She sounds absolutely unhinged and I’m glad to read you guys are staying vigilant in case she tries to escalate her obsession. It’s also insane someone in IT gave her unfettered access to your husband’s personnel files. WTH?!

OP's response: Not just my husband’s, access to the entire company’s personnel files.

Comment: Did you ever find her old post? Was that just a lie? Was she feeding her husband baked good? I got so many questions and none are answered.

OP's response: I never found the post, but with people making so many suggestions I admit I was overwhelmed with crazy posts, I looked through them and none of them matched. But I honestly don’t know what I’m looking for because she either fully believes she was having an affair with my husband and posted about that, or she admitted she lied to get me out the way.

I also think it’s a possibly she has posted but changed too many details to remain anonymous so I couldn’t recognise it. I didn’t ask her family for her Reddit post history when we spoke. she never baked anything for my husband, she wasn’t in the a relationship either. Hope that answers a few, let me know if you have anything else I can clarify for you. :)