"I had the opportunity for revenge, but I couldn't do it."

I found out a month ago that the love of my life and my best friend have been having an affair for at least the past year. After looking into it more, not only did all our "friends" know, but they have also been actively hanging out with them. I'm a socially awkward individual so making friends for me is hard. I met all of them through my "best friend", so I guess it is natural they chose him over me.

I hated all of them. I spent 24/7 with one of them when their parent died because they didn't want to be alone and were a danger to himself. I was there for another when her boss was harassing her, and she needed help finding a new job. I let another one stay at my place for free for 3 months because his parents kicked him out when he told them he was gay.

All 6 of those a****les have been through so much and I was there for every one of them. Now I realize they all just kept me around to use me when they needed. Including my gf and best friend. I helped the man start his business when no one would invest in him, still hasn't really taken off and he still asks for my time to help him do things.

I've been working day and night to help her pay off the medical bills from her surgery after she had an accident. I've been out of the house for a few months because my mother was sick, and I needed to help her, but I still commute back 10hrs every weekend to make sure my gf is doing alright.

I have gone through her phone and seen all the pictures, the flirty messages and the group chats. All of them planning outings, meetings and whatnot. I have seen the disparaging messages about me, the I love yous and them basically flip flopping between still loving me, leaving me, not wanting to hurt me anymore and then realizing they need me. They all still need me.

I was pissed and I mean I was so angry I scared myself. The thing about being the go-to guy for help and being the quiet one is that people trust you. They tell you things.

Things that can get you in a lot of trouble. I spent the past month preparing my plan, getting everything in order to absolutely implode their lives in a way you can never recover without someone altruistically helping you out, but who will help them? Not me, and they can't ask each other because they will all be in the same damn boat.

Everything was ready, I had pictures, videos and text logs. The lease would have been up in December, and I wasn't renewing that. I have a new job lined up which would pay less but I know I will enjoy. All my main items were out and the rest I didn't care for. I pretended to go out to my mom's. I waited an hour and came back.

I could see them through the windows, him and her cuddling and kissing while they all sat around chatting like it's a regular day. I took a picture of that scene. I was ready to send the texts and emails basically ready to set their lives' ablaze. I couldn't. No matter how much someone has hurt me, I can't be responsible to ruining someone's life. Sure, they did the things, and I was just unearthing them.

It would still have been my decision that burned them all and there would've been collateral damage to people who did nothing. I had come this far and had to do something, so I just sent the picture in a group chat and looked in. One by one they checked the message and started panicking, I guess. One of them finally spots my car and I see them all look at me. I don't know what was going in their heads.

Was it panic, regret, guilt, sadness, who knows. I started my car and as I started driving off, my ex came out bare foot in the cold moving as fast as she could in her state. I don't know if she was crying because of guilt or regret but I didn't care I drove off to my mom. They called me a bunch of times and sent me thousands of messages. I used to read all of them and with each one, I felt less for them.

It went from asking to forgiveness to anger to groveling basically to questions about how they will do the things I used to do for all of them. I don't care. I'm getting a new number on Monday. I still get a new sobbing voice mail from my ex every 20-30 minutes asking for me to come back. I get texts my ex-best friend to come back and beat him up, that he would sell everything he owns and give it to me.

My friends apologizing for their parts and wanting to be pals again. I don't know what drives this, but they know I've read some of them. I think I'm over it. I don't feel angry anymore and I feel happy I didn't do what they did to me. It would've never been satisfying for me.

What do you think? Did he do the right thing? This is what top commenters had to say:

tkandkatie said:

Go forth now and heal yourself. Forget them. It’s in your past.

[deleted] said:

Thats a level of maturity and self control that most people don't possess. And with qualities like that - you will draw better people towards you. You've learnt your lesson - there are givers and there are takers and there are those with a healthy balance of both. Onwards and upwards OP - a friend/partner like you is like finding a diamond in todays dating pool.

gurlwithdragontat2 said:

I am genuinely so sorry. I have been in a situation very near this, and I can say the best ’revenge’ is to let these miserable humans go, and find your own happiness. I used to occasionally hear from them much later (they got stuck in the anger space when I stopped responding) and they all apologized and realized that I’m a good person who had genuine love for them.

It’s sad for them, but tbh it taught me that I deserve the energy I give. Not reciprocation, but reciprocity. It’s a weird kind of catharsis that comes with being the bigger person and refusing to dip into the toxicity with them. It sucks. And anger was definitely the easier route, but I had to worry about living with myself in the end, then trying to get back at others.

Good luck and please enjoy your fresh start! You deserve people who care for you as you care for them

And ShoulderFew4060 said:

You driving away, while somebody is running after you sounds like a movie scene 😅 you did the good thing. Now, go! Take care of your mother and yourself. You deserve a break from selfish people. Good luck 🍀

Almost a year later, he shared this update:

Hi everyone. I happened to remember this account, so I decided why not update you all. First of all my mom is doing much better and is preparing for a 5K. Her goal is to complete one by 2025. Thank you for all your well wishes, I would like to tell you everything with me is going great and I'm doing amazing. That my ex-friends and gf are doing terribly and are destitute.

Life isn't a movie or a storybook, and things don't work out the way we would like them to. But, it can get pretty close to one. I am doing amazing. My new job has been one of the most fulfilling experiences of my life. Since I stopped paying for unnecessary medical bills and rent for a place I never really cared for, I've saved up so much money. I decided to finally invest that money in something worthwhile.

Myself. I didn't hit the gym or anything, but I did get some work done on my teeth. They had some minor discoloration. When they shaped it for a crown and removed the layers, it looked like it was painted with pepsi or something. It was a boost in confidence. I started buying more and more clothes and building outfits. I started anti-anxiety meds which have brought me out of my shell. I feel so much better.

I met someone a few weeks ago. We've just been talking through text and it seems to be going well. I don't really know what's going on with the people I left behind. I heard rumors that came from a long chain of people so don't trust them really.

My ex and ex-best friend are having a baby which has caused financial issues for them with the medical debt and struggling business venture, but are somehow making it work.

The girl whom I helped get a job was caught in an affair with her boss(he may or may not be married, it's unclear), who threw her under the bus professionally to save himself but seems to have landed on her feet because the company wanted to avoid a scandal. Another one of them has gotten engaged to his gf, last I remember he was single so don't even know how long they've been involved.

The one I housed for 3 months is doing fine as well but may have gotten an std from one of his one-night buddies. I have no information on the last dude. So a mixed bag of good for me and a little bad for them but not terrible. Just normal life issues. It's as close as one gets to karmic justice I guess? The last contact I had with my ex was an email 6 months ago.

She detailed how sorry she was about the fallout of her actions. She just fell in love with him while still loving me and didn't really know how to proceed from there. It was a bad time for her as she relied on me so much that made her get resentful and something about being with him made her feel in control.

She ended it with how much she regrets her actions and the hurt she caused but doesn't regret loving me or him, and that she still loves us both and will always be here if I need her. I never responded because there was no need. I can understand her perspective in this, doesn't mean I condone her actions, but I can somewhat forgive her and move on from this permanently.

Humans are complex and so is love. Sometimes we hurt the ones we love the most. While I don't like her or her actions, I do believe she loved us both. She doesn't seem to have any reason to lie. Anyway, C'est La Vie. Have a good evening guys, and don't spend your energy getting upset or anything on my behalf.