GF shreds BF's free plane tickets when he confesses to sharing bed with ex. AITA?
"AITA for promising my partner free plane tickets, then changing my mind and ruining the trip?"
I (26F) work for an airline, and one of the best perks of the job is the free travel - not just for myself, but also for my loved ones. My boyfriend (27M; bisexual) asked last month if I could book him a flight to go to an art exhibition with his long time friend, who for period of time he used to date. At the time I didn't think much of it.
Earlier this afternoon I was asking what hotel he was staying at and how much the room would cost. This was when he mentioned to save money they'd be sharing a hotel room with only one bed.
Even though I believe their relationship is completely platonic, this still makes me feel uncomfortable and I don't personally feel it appropriate to be sharing a hotel room with someone you used to be in a relationship with.
I found him some cheap hotel rooms which don't cost more than $150 for the night, and even offered to let him use my industry discount on the room to cut the price even more.
Nonetheless the conversation escalated into an argument, where he started accusing me of being insecure and paranoid and insisted that they were just sharing to save money.
I got upset and in the heat of the moment told him if he isn't going to respect my boundaries he can pay for his own ticket (which would cost over $700 on short notice). That is outside of his price range, and if I don't book him the ticket the trip will be cancelled.
On one hand I feel like an a**@ole because at the end of the day I don't really think anything would happen between them, and I don't want him to miss out on the exhibition he has been excited to see.
I also feel it'd be an a**@ole move to renege on my promise. But at the same time it also irks me that I have set a boundary that I feel is reasonable, and he doesn't respect it or seem to even care about it. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Wait what, why is the vote Y T A? if my SO was going on a trip with their ex who is also a friend, i would very much expect them to not share a bed, regardless of the gender. They can also share a room with twin beds, why does it HAVE to be one bed?
And as their partner i would completely respect the fact that my SO is uncomfortable for not being OK with me sharing a bed with my ex. WTH people? NTA.
This comment led the OP to provide a clarification:
That's my bad. I edited the post as I realised I never mentioned that it was a single bed (that's the only room the hotel was offering for that price)
EDITED FOR CONTEXT: In the original post I didn't mention they were sharing a single bed. This was the only room available at that hotel for the price they wanted, and in the past we have both shared hotel rooms with our friends to save money. If it was anyone other than his ex I probably wouldn't care.
Comments began pouring in after this:
NTA. So he requested that you organize free plane fare for him, and then dropped the bomb that he'd be sharing a room and bed with his ex? No. He purposefully waited to fill you in on that. You're not paranoid nor insecure. If he respected you, this arrangement would have never been in his plans. Drop him.
NTA - if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you can assume it’s a duck. There are so many red flags here.
NTA. He's going on vacation and sharing a bed with his ex? Yikes. Not only were you right to cancel the plane tickets, I would be having some serious concerns about the relationship, too...
NTA. To the “you either trust him or you don’t” crowd - that’s not how trust works. It’s not a binary do or don’t. Trust exists on a scale, and must be fostered to continue to exist. It’s also not entirely rational. You can trust someone but also be uncomfortable with a certain situation.
I think it is eminently reasonable to not be comfortable with your partner sharing a bed and hotel room with their ex on a trip. It also blows my mind that your partner’s reaction to your feelings about it was anything other than “oh of course, if you’re uncomfortable with that we’ll make different arrangements.”