'AITA for bringing my fiancée to Christmas despite my famous cousin's wishes?'
"AITA for bringing my fiancée to Christmas despite my famous cousin's wishes?"
My cousin is very famous. Yes, you have heard of him, and no, I won't tell you who he is. We'll call him Terry.
When we have family functions (mainly for holidays), Terry likes for them to be only family so he can 'be himself' and get drunk and pass out on the couch and share Hollywood gossip with us, otherwise he feels like he is being interviewed and having everyone talk to him or want a picture and he has to 'be in promo mode.'
He said it's because he was tired of having to meet strangers and not be able to let loose and there were some issues of these partners taking pics of him or spreading gossip.
I hated this at first because I would be dating some chick and she would want to get to meet him and it's awkward to tell them they can't come to family events and they get mad that they never get to meet him (my tinder has a pic of me with Terry). But I get it so I was fine with it. Until this year.
I began dating this chick in August. I couldn't bring her to Thanksgiving, fine. But when I walk in, I see another cousin, 'Danielle', has brought her boyfriend 'Steve' EVEN THOUGH they've been together for less than a year!!! They got together over New Years and engaged on Halloween.
Terry was fine with this because he's met Steve before (old family friend) even though I've been told that no exceptions are allowed to his rule. Thanksgiving sucked because the whole time I was mad that I once again wasn't allowed to bring my gf.
My gf consoled me after and I realized that she is my soulmate. Two weeks ago, I proposed and we got engaged. Xmas was at my aunt's. Im a believer in 'ask for forgiveness, not permission' so I brought my fiancée because she had nowhere else to go and I wanted her to meet my family. We walk into the house and all hell breaks loose.
Everyone was asking who she was and scolding me about the rules, and Terry flipped out. He was already buzzed (and looked 20 pounds heavier than he usually presents himself) and started yelling at me for doing this to him. He didn't seem excited at all about my engagement or willing to introduce himself to her.
Our grandma was telling Terry to get over it and asking to see the ring and saying she wish she had gotten my fiancée a gift, so grandma was on my side. But Terry was still arguing with me and said I shouldn't be allowed at any more events, and he ended up calling an Uber Black and leaving before we even ate.
To top it all off, my uncle (who has never even liked Terry) got upset because apparently Terry was his Secret Santa so he didn't get a gift, so my uncle started blaming me for ruining Christmas.
I get they are mad but it was clear there was an exception for fiancées and I'm embarrassed that my family was so rude to her when I just didn't want her to be alone on Christmas. Am I the a**#ole?
The people of the internet agree that he could've handled this way, way better.
Maauve91 says he's wrong on two points:
You could have asked. You could also not use your famous cousin as a pic on Tinder.
Calm_Investment explains:
You wrecked Christmas because of a tantrum and games. And your cousin knows not to trust your judgement because you sell your link to him - you don't add to his privacy, you resent you can't use it to your benefit. Give a serious apology. You were bang out of order.
Puffincake_throwaway points out that getting engaged was a dumb way to solve this:
“ Im a believer in 'ask for forgiveness, not permission'
That’s an obnoxious way to be.
You could have spent Christmas just you and your GF, then she wouldn’t have been lonely and you wouldn’t have broken the established rule for family gatherings. There wasn’t an exception for fiancées, there was an exception for Steve.
GlibTurret says:
It is never acceptable to bring someone to a party without informing the host in advance. If you wanted to spring your fiancee on everyone, then the socially-acceptable thing to do would have been to host your own engagement party. Not f*** with everyone's Christmas.
On top of that, you use Terry's pic to lure 'chicks' on Tinder and then ruin real Terry's Christmas by ambushing him with one of the 'chicks' you lured? Gross. No wonder Terry wasn't comfortable.
VenusdeMilotrap agrees:
Terry needs a safe place too. If it was so important to you to bring your fiance, you should have talked to him about it and made it clear how important it was to you. Maybe have introduced them before the holiday so he felt comfortable with her. You were acting like a child 'how come he gets to and I can't!'
You know YTA here, you need to apologize to your family and your girl for putting her in an awkward position. Also feel like you're maybe flexing here showing off by having him in your pic and wanting to show off to your lady.
So there you have it. If you have a famous cousin, you should respect their privacy!
At LEAST on Christmas.