Wife furious after husband throws out hoarder father-in-law's belongings.

We all have different standards for cleanliness. Especially if we're not hoarders.

Hoarding is not just a quirky tendency to keep crap around, it's a mental health disorder. And one man is wondering whether he did the wrong thing by clearing out his hoarder father-in-law's cabin without asking.

The man took to Reddit to ask if he was in the wrong.

The man explains the family's situation:

My wife is livid with me and thinks I’m an inconsiderate a**hole. Idk, maybe I am. My FIL is a very nice man, but he’s definitely a hoarder. His small house has stacks of magazines, tools, etc everywhere. You can’t even walk down to the basement because it has so much stuff.

He calls the cabin 'filthy':

They own a family cabin on a lake that very run down. The property itself is very nice but there’s crap everywhere, half-knocked down sheds, an RV on blocks, you get the idea. On the inside it’s filthy with the largest room dedicated to nothing but stacks of old crap like magazines, broken appliances, etc. with a small path you can walk through.

He ignored it until they brought their toddler:

I was ok with it until we took our 3 year old son there and I saw everything that morning. We arrived late and just crashed. I woke up, looked around and realized that I didn’t want my son living in such a place. There were rat turds under the kitchen sink, crap everywhere, it was dangerous, smelled bad, etc.

It had gotten really bad from the one time I visited 7 years before. Before it was old, dusty, spider webs, a bit messy, needed some TLC but not gross over dangerous.

He got to work:

So just grabbed a bucket and trash bags and started to clean. Everyone was waking up. My wife told me to stop immediately and I could tell my FIL was getting upset at me. My wife said, “You don’t know how to handle this. Let me talk to my dad.' But I know where this was going, basically nothing was going to happen.

He didn't relent:

I bluntly told her that the place was disgusting and unsafe for our son and that if she didn’t let me clean I was going to take him and myself to a hotel. She was very angry about this and told me I had no right to take our son away. But stood firm...either let me clean or me and our son are leaving.

He ended up cleaning the cabin:

She relented and I cleaned the place for 3 house completely scrubbing the kitchen, throwing away or moving a ton of crap, swept/mopped the floor, etc, etc. Wife was livid with me afterwards. She said I didn’t listen to her how to handle the situation and that I completely disrespected her dad.

[Am I the a-hole] here? What should I have done here, nothing?

He added some more details:

the place also had loose crap everywhere that can fall on someone if pulled and had rat poison all over. Not safe for a 3 year old. I had only been there once 7 years before. It had gotten a lot worse in between that time. I had no idea what we were walking into.

He didn't 'de-hoard,' he just baby-proofed the place:

De-hoarding the place would have taken a dumpster.

And finally:

the cabin is remote. The nearest hotel was 2 or 3 hours away I think. There’s no Internet or cell coverage. Think middle of no-where Canada wilderness remote.

The people of Reddit think that while he was in a tough position, he may have handled this situation insensitively.

WebbieVanderquack sums it up:

Your wife is right, this is not how you handle a hoarding problem anywhere, let alone in someone else's house.

FrankSonata agrees:

Forcefully cleaning up a hoard is distressing at the very least and can cause trauma. Needing comfort from said distress often makes the hoarding worse, also. OP just did that to an old man in his own home.

They continue:

In general, if you think someone has a mental health problem (or any health problem for that matter), don't try to help/handle it yourself. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Leave that to the professionals. Often laypeople will make the situation worse due to lack of expertise. Cleaning up a hoard will not cure anyone--it is a symptom, not the disease.

KTB1962 thinks everyone involved is the a-hole:

I'm completely shocked with how your wife was perfectly fine with all of you staying in a place that had rat droppings in it. You definitely could've handled things a lot better.

Kerri_23 also agrees that his wife should've understood the gravity of the situation:

Your wife is an [a**hole] for not appreciating the urgency of the situation that your toddler was in a very unsafe and unhygienic environment. He needed to be removed immediately, from what you are describing.

But you are also [the a-hole] because you definitely disrespected her dad by cleaning and throwing away his stuff. Hoarding is a psychological disorder that must be dealt with in a certain way. What looks like trash to you are prized possessions to him.

So you were disrespectful of his property. And by not dealing with the hoarding disorder in a proper way, you likely made it 10x worse. Quietly checking into a hotel and letting your wife deal with FIL would have been the way to go.

But uglyschmuckling is one of the few who thinks he did the right thing:

You know who is an [a**hole]? The idiots who thought it was safe for a toddler. Idgaf if they’re hoarders, their feelings are not paramount to your child’s (and their grandchild’s) safety.

They continue:

Is it nice to be considerate of their feelings? Yes, absolutely. Was there a better way to approach the situation? Sure was. Is that absolutely disgusting and insane to invite a toddler to? Yup. Hurt feelings < dead toddler

And misskissholder agrees:

You made a mistake that had good intentions. I can see you wanting to appease your wife by staying, but now atleast you can be stern and say your child won’t ever enter that house while it’s like that. The whole family will obviously be upset but they know what the rules are now.

If they want the grandchild around, it won’t be in that environment. Apologise for not knowing the extent of your actions, but confirm that the child won’t ever be there again.

So there you have it. A hoarder's house can be a minefield, both emotionally and physically, so it's no place for a three-year-old.

Better check into a hotel next time.