'AITA for not giving my fiancé's daughter money when I won the lottery?' UPDATED

"AITA for not giving my fiancé's daughter money when I won the lottery?"

All names have been changed. I (35, female) am engaged to my fiancé Brian (37, male). We’ve been together two years. He has a daughter Ashley 14 from a previous relationship. I am currently pregnant with our daughter.

I like to play the lottery sometimes. Usually just scratch tickets. This time I won 50,000. Of course, I was very excited. I decided to take the money and put it away for my future child’s future.

I told Brian about the money and that it was being put away for our baby’s future. He said we should take some of the money for Ashley since she’s going to be graduating high school in a few years. Brian and his ex do have a college fund set up for Ashley but not enough for all of it.

I let him know this money would be being used for our child since it was won by me and I’d be the one paying taxes on it since we’re not married yet. I let him know once the baby was born it would go into a trust that no one had access to. Brian and Ashley think I’m being ridiculous since the unborn baby would have more money than her set aside already and that it’s unfair.

I explained I understood how they felt but I think I’m doing the right thing. Now my mother in law is also pressuring me because Ashley went to her house feeling upset saying the baby is getting preferred treatment already. AITA?

Edit: I see a lot of people asking how Ashley knows about the money. She walked into the house while we were talking about it and overheard our conversation. We didn’t hear her come inside. Ashley then thought this meant “we” won the money as in her father and I since were engaged.

The internet did not hold back.

iranisculpable wrote:

NTA. Get a prenup.

one_night_on_mars wrote:

NTA. Ashley has two parents to pay for her, your fiance and her mum. Your baby has two parents to pay for it, you and your fiance. You are not married to your fiance, your money is not his money, his money is not your money.

Sav-M wrote:

NTA. I actually think you're doing something very smart and considerate for the future of your future child. You have in your hands an opportunity that not everyone receives in their entire life and you are acting in a very mature way. You are not spending it on vanities or anything else you can think of.

It's going to sound cruel, but realistically she's not your daughter, she has her mother and father who have had the opportunity to prepare for several years for their college fund, it's not your responsibility. Your responsibility is to think about the future of your child. Just because he's not born doesn't mean you can't save that money. The best wishes for your pregnancy and for the future of your baby 🤍

Impressive-Ad-2132 wrote:

Definitely put the money away before you get married to him. Financial abuse is real and this is a red flag in that respect. NTA you won the money, not your fiancé's kid.

Update from OP in the same post:

Brian and I talked about everything. He explained to me it’s just hard to see how much of a head start our child will have compared to Ashley. He also said after thinking about it he understands both girls will not have the same opportunities and that’s something he’ll have to work through.

We talked about it and he was just overwhelmed especially knowing Ashley overheard the conversation and was upset. He agrees with putting the money away for the baby.

Brian also sat down with Ashley and explained to her that her and sister will have different opportunities the same way her friends may have different opportunities. He explained that they will have different starts in life because their mothers can provide different things.

Ashley asked why can’t Brian just give her more than the baby to make it even. He then explained that wouldn’t be fair as he’s both their fathers. He explained if he deposits $50 for her he’ll deposit $50 for the baby and vice versa. Ashley said she understands but doesn’t think it’s fair. And Brian reminded her that sometimes things aren’t fair but they’re right.

I’ve also contacted an attorney who will be setting up the money in a trust. The only people who will have access to the money is myself and the baby when they turn 30. If anything happened to me then my sister would have access. Brian would not have access to the account in any way.

In a comment OP added this:

We’ve decided on split accounts. My finances being used towards our daughter. My Husband's finances being used towards both daughters. I own property that is in our pre nup and that will be inherited by the baby. I don’t plan to take a mother role with Ashley because she has a mother. Brian respects that.