'AITA for divorcing my pregnant wife because she looked into my phone?'
"AITA for divorcing my pregnant wife because she looked into my phone?"
My wife started "jokingly" making snide comments that I was having affair. I thought she was teasing me so I mostly ignored her or laughed with her. I didn't know she was actually serious. Then she was getting more irritated and arguments increased.
In one argument, I asked her what her problem was and she told me that I am cheating. She started telling me all the time I was late from work, or how I was staring at a woman in the park, etc.
I tried to explain everything and resolve her doubts. I even offered her therapy to clear her doubts. Then she started demanding to see my cellphone. I was like nope, I dont have to do it. I never asked to see her cellphone by the way. She told me if I have nothing to hide, I should do it.
I told her, she should trust me, and I should not have to give proof of my honesty to her. But she would not let it go so I unlocked it and told her if she looks into my phone, we are done.
She checked my phone and I just went numb. Of course she didnt find anything. I never cheated and I dont plan to ever cheat. I told her I will move out and we can figure out the rest. She freaked out and tried to apologize but there is no going back.
Now she is blaming it on pregnancy hormones saying she was having dreams that I was cheating. I understand that, but she should have trusted me, I dont have to provide proof, it should be implicit otherwise why marry me? If she was having bad thoughts we could just talk it out, went to therapy.
She should not have put me in this position its very insulting that my own wife wants proof of my fidelity. That she thinks that I am a kind of person who will cheat on his wife, pregnant wife on top of that.
She called her parents and they called mine and they all are trying to make me forgive her. I have made up my mind. She crossed the line. Its over. I just feel sad. I had planned a lot of things, I had spent countless hours baby proofing my house, I just wanted a happy family for myself and its all gone. Now I have to figure out how to be a single parent.
My phone is buzzing all f$%@#ng day, I have stopped replying to texts and receiving calls. I do think I have a right to be trusted in my own marriage without having to give proof every step of the way
EDIT: I largely work from home, I did not spend lots of time away from her, I have to go to work 2 days a week.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
okpoolman says:
Pregnancy hormones can do some strange things to women. So, unless you want to pay child support for the next 18 years I’d highly suggest you find a way to move past this. Counseling, something. You ever hear the term “cutting off your nose to spite your face?”
Ifeelsoso OP responded:
Children are gonna cost money either way
Harley-stars says:
If you had nothing to hide why wouldn’t you do what she asked to ease her fears? YTA for overreacting and not listening to her side of things even if it is irrational.
Ifeelsoso OP responded:
I showed her my phone, I have nothing to hide. But I told her if she needs proof, she might as well divorce.
JandAFun says:
Welp, I knew a woman who, every time she was pregnant, became SUPER suspicious and antagonistic towards her husband. She came and stayed with us for a couple weeks. She seemed rational and lucid, but after every pregnancy she went back to normal self.
She would just go crazy from hormones. I'm not minimizing the hurt you feel, but she literally may not be in her right mind, and so some grace might be in order.
choochoomgang says:
When I told my boss I was pregnant, her first words were “Are you feeling rage yet?” I was bewildered until a month later… Then the rage came.
CrabbyGremlin says:
I dunno man, this is a bit like finding a spider in your house so you decide to burn the whole house down to the ground.
She should have respected your boundaries, but the punishment doesn’t match the crime, so to speak. Honestly, it sounds like she’s feeling insecure now she’s pregnant and you’re using this as an excuse to leave a relationship you weren’t that happy in anyway.
She’s a bit of an AH for asking but you’re an even bigger AH for leaving the marriage over this.
BlueGreen_1956 says:
NTA. You were exactly right. Be done with her. Pregnancy hormones? Baloney. They are used to excuse bad behavior all the time. I'm glad you actually held her accountable.
You even TOLD HER what would happen if she looked through your phone. She got exactly what you said she would get.