Husband forces surgery on family dog, wife refuses to clean up post-op mess.
When this wife is angry with her dog and husband, she asks Reddit:
'AITA? Family dog had major surgery but I’m not very motivated post surgery?'
Me (f45) and my husband (57) usually groom our Standard Poodle at home and schedule professional visits every season.
This time around I noticed a lump near his rear end while I was brushing him off. My husband did not notice this at all when shaving him down. I told him the lump felt weird and we immediately scheduled a vet visit.
He needed a biopsy and after a week it turned out to be an anal tumor. He’s had issues with impacted glands/infections on and off for years and we were warned that he could develop some issue as he’s aged. He’s 10 (11 in a week).
After consulting with the vet(s) we were told that the Cancer was isolated and hadn’t appeared to spread. It was a solid mass that could most possibly be extracted with surgery.
However, the vet was pretty optimistic that since it was isolated and hadn’t shown any signs of spreading, leaving it well enough alone could provide that same outcome as any possible removal.
After discussing the outcome and risks associated with the surgery, I wasn’t immediately feeling like that was a great option.
Considering his age, his past history with the issue and the trauma that the surgery could inflict (he would lose a portion of the sphincter muscle and surrounding tissue, need two days of recovery at the veterinary hospital and would need plenty of recovery assistance as he wound most likely bleed from the wound) I was definitely not pro-surgery.
My husband would hear none of it and said that it should be removed, regardless because “Cancer is unpredictable and can spread when you least expect it”. We obviously viewed the situation from different perspectives.
Here’s where I’m not sure about my mindset: We went ahead with the surgery this week. He’s back home on meds and painkillers. He’s obviously in distress but he has been eating & drinking water.
He finally pooped and blood started to trickle from his rectum. I cleaned what I could but felt overwhelmed by the sight of the blood and the swollen 5 inch scar near his rear end. Now, each time he poops, he’s bleeding. Vet said this was normal, but, can’t say when, or if, it will stop any time soon.
My husband is pissed that I’m refusing to clean his butt or the blood from the areas in the house where he’s resting. Even our teens are skiddish on putting a compress on him or cleaning up the blood in various parts of the home.
Last night we got into a disagreement over my lack of willingness to clean him or deal with the situation and I reminded my husband that I didn’t agree with the surgery in the first place.
Our poor dog looks miserable and we spent thousands of dollars on a situation where the outcome could have been the same if we had left well enough alone. He’s pissed and exhausted and called me a witch just in time for Halloween. Am I the asshole?
Let's see what Reddit had to say. They were divided.
gordiescare writes:
YTA you owe to your dog to have his medical needs met. Your husband was correct to insist on the surgery. Clean up after your pet. Get your kids to clean up after your pet. Think of it as a practice for when your family faces real medical emergencies.
vvetspecimen writes:
NTA exactly, but that doesn’t mean you can abandon your pooch to deal with its own surgical recovery.
It sucks that you were right about how this would turn out, but screaming I WAS RIGHT to the sky can’t get you out of the situation you’re all in now.
august850 disagrees:
YTA. You're not taking care of your dog because you would have made a different medical decision for him on your own? Grow up.
And don't use the 'our teenage kids aren't helping either'-- you're right, they're not acting like adults in this situation, and I expect better from you than to join them!
Well, OP roxywalker claps back with this:
Harsh. My teens are busy with school, part time jobs, after school activities and one is getting ready for college so every weekend this month is a college tour. They used to help out a lot more…