Guy asks if he was wrong for baking bday cake after wife got flavor he didn't want.

AITA because I baked my own birthday cake after my wife bought one?

For my(32M) birthday I always like one specific kind of cake a chocolate-covered cherry cake. My mom or dad always made it for me since it wasn't one of the available flavors at any bakeries or stores near where we grew up.

When I moved away I started to make it myself. I've been married to my wife just under a year but we've been together for 6 years so she knows all about this cake. During that time we've either baked it together, my parents made it, or I've made it on my own. I've never asked or expected her to do it.

Before my birthday this year my wife asked me what kind of cake I wanted. Same kind as always but she told me she didn't feel like baking. I told her she didn't need to worry about baking it because I can just do it myself.

She asked me a second time and I gave her the same answer. The day before my birthday I get home from work and have all the ingredients to make my cake. Go to get something out of the fridge and there's a pair of cheesecakes in there with 'Happy Birthday' written between them both.

I asked my wife about it and she said those were the cakes for my party the next day and she thought of switching things up this year since 'everyone loves cheesecake'.

I don't hate it but she gets cheesecakes at least once a month. I only ever have the cherry cake on my birthday. I told her I appreciate it and they look good but I really want the cake I like so I was going to make mine and we'll just let everyone have a choice of what cake they want.

She got pissed off and yelled that I ruined her attempt to make things easier on us by not having to bake and bringing cake that everyone would love. It's been two days since the party and she was cold at the party and is still acting cold.

Usually I move mountains and heaven to give her the things she wants on her birthdays and celebrate how she wants, I just wanted one specific cake for mine. AITA?

Comments:

Liseyloop123 says:

NTA, like at all! This cake sounds amazing, can you share the recipe, pretty please?

Whole_Ferret9774 OP responded:

Its really easy! Chocolate cake mix (or from scratch if you want), cherries (whole or maraschino), almond extract, whipped cream, cherry pie filling, chocolate sauce, and a bit of rum.

Make the cake mix and then add the cherries, rum, and almond extract. Mix it really well, put it in a cake pan and bake it.

I top it off with a whipped cream icing. Mix the cherry pie filling in it, slather on the cake and then drizzle the chocolate sauce over it. I use the regular chocolate cake mix so the chocolate doesn't get overwhelming.

GimmeUrNachos says:

Your birthday, your party! It sounds like you were kind about the whole thing, so I don't even get why she is so angry about the cake you wanted. Many people have something they love that reminds them of mom or home or when they were a child and it stirs up some nice memories to recreate it when we can.

Maybe it's a mom thing?? Is she cool with your mom? Are there any feelings of resentment or jealousy there? Do you have other things that you do frequently that 'mom used to do?' Just a few thoughts...the only thing I can think of as to why she'd be so upset!

The best thing I can say is talk to her...find out why she is so angry and listen to what she has to say. Don't settle for 'I just don't get why you have to....' There is something there...dig it out of her!

Whole_Ferret9774 OP responded:

My wife gets along alright with my mom. The cake isn't really a 'mom used to do', she knows both of my parents used to make it. I'd say I do more things that my dad does or used to do but they're more hobby related.

SilentSnortingCrack says:

NTA but I feel like there's something missing here. Is there a reason she seems to dislike the cake? Does she like it the other times? I don't know, since it seems like she had no problem baking it with you before, then something seems off here.

Whole_Ferret9774 OP responded:

She hasn't complained about it prior but I do know she's not a big fan of chocolate.

SamSpayedPI says:

I N F O: Did you tear the kitchen apart baking your cake, and make a huge mess that you expected her to clean up?

If not, NTA. Surely it's not too much to ask that you bake your own cake for your own birthday.

I can understand not wanting a big mess in the kitchen a day before having a big party. But if you took care of the mess yourself (cleaned to her (party) standards, not yours), I can't see what the big deal is.

Whole_Ferret9774 OP responded:

No I clean as I go whenever I cook or bake something.

Suitable-Cod-1381 says:

NTA and it's weird for her to have even bothered asking what kind of cake you want if she was going to ignore you and choose her favorite cake instead. Also I've never heard of a party being ruined by too much cake, that's patently absurd. Is she weirdly controlling about other things as well or is this just because she's doesn't like chocolate cherry cake? I don't get it.

PinkedOff says:

Parties are never ruined by too much cake. Wife prefers cheesecake, isn't a fan of chocolate cake. She should have reserved buying cheesecakes for HER birthday, and let OP bake his own cake, as he offered.