Guy's best friend helps wife recover from surgery; now they're 'joined at the hip.'
'AITA for telling my friend that he wasn’t obliged to hang around my wife?'
My (29M) wife (30F) and my best friend Cyan (25M) do not see eye to eye. Some backstory: my wife and I moved for my new job. Cyan was the cousin of a hs friend so I was thrilled to know someone. We quickly became best friends, closer than brothers. In covid, our job was in person vs. my wife’s WFH.
Cyan is a very kind person. I think wife hated everything about Cyan. She thought he was too goofy and hated how he teased her. My wife takes things seriously, and she’s a romantic so things like date nights are a BIG DEAL to her. She hated when Cyan hung out even when I invited him.
A few months ago I had a 4 month project across the world. I needed the promotion. My wife ended up needing surgery and she, unlike me, didn’t make close friends here. her friends/fam were too far. She couldn’t do normal things post surgery and wanted me to come back.
'I complained to Cyan and he suggested that he pop on over to help her. He ended up doing a lot more and my wife heavily relied on his kindness.'
When I came back, it was like my wife flipped her switch. Things that were “immature” became “playful.' She constantly fell for his fish for compliments, and it was like Cyan could do no wrong. Cyan still hung out, but it was like he couldn’t snap out of caretaker mode. The two of them are practically joined at the hip.
When I went to work, my wife packs Cyan a lunch too – and his is a lot better than hers or mine. Cyan needs this or that or whatever. She showers him with attention. My wife can be overbearing like that.
'At a small party, I came with my wife and she immediately zoomed to Cyan and monopolized all his time.'
After he went to the bathroom, which was basically the only time she left him alone, I pulled him aside and told him I knew my wife was clingy and it was okay if he kept boundaries. He wasn’t obliged to hang around my wife. I said it kindly. He turned red, told me I was an a**hole, and stormed away. He left without saying goodbye to anybody but my wife.
AITA? I told some mutual friends about this and most of them are on my side. They said Cyan didn’t know how to stand up for himself, he was embarrassed. Cyan is still pissed.
Here's what people had to say:
dbhalberg writes:
Hmmm…do you know if something romantic happened between them while you were away?
MinuteDesigner6572 OP responds:
My wife is very maternal and affectionate to people she likes. I haven’t noticed anything that screamed affair.
dbhalberg writes:
Hmmm…do you know if something romantic happened between them while you were away?
MinuteDesigner6572 OP responds:
I highly doubt it. First of all, my wife would rather dump someone than cheat on them. I’ve seen all her texts with Cyan and there’s nothing inappropriate.
Second, I’m 95% sure Cyan is gay. He lets my wife put makeup on him, he loves cute things almost as much as my wife and he loves being called “pretty” by her. I’ve never seen him date anyone.
Also, she’s 5 years older than him which is pretty uncommon. It’s probably more older sister or motherly feelings.
redcore4 writes:
YTA - you’re jealous of them spending time together because you enjoyed neglecting your wife for your friend and now he’s less available; you’re mad that the thing you wanted to happen (them getting along) has happened; and you’re peeved that at your suggestion he was there for her and supported her when you didn’t.
Reasonable-Pen-88 writs:
It… Kind of sounds like both you and your wife are in love with Cyan.
MinuteDesigner6572 OP responds:
That’s ridiculous. I and now my wife trust Cyan completely. He helped her shower after she literally didn’t take one for a week after her surgery.