Husband forbids wife from exercising in 'homewrecker's' basement, but wife disagrees.
Ideally everyone trusts that their partners will stay loyal even under the most tempting of situations (a sweaty morning workout in a basement), but sometimes you just can't be too careful...
So, when a conflicted husband decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about a disagreement he had with his wife over an alleged 'homewrecker,' people were quick to help deem a verdict.
AITA (Am I the As*hole) for being upset that my wife wanted to work out with a homewrecker?
My (M44) wife (F43) has a colleague from work 'Joe', and Joe split from his wife a year ago. Joe also runs a home-based business as a fitness instructor. The way I understand it, he has his basement and backyard full of equipment and people pay him in either groups or as individuals for training in his basement.
My wife took part as part of a group this summer, the sessions were at 7:30 am, and she told me one day that as she was arriving, a different colleague of hers (female, middle-aged, also a client of his) came walking out of his kitchen having a coffee, clearly having spent the night.
The thing is, this woman just split with her husband 4 weeks earlier. Now I don't have evidence, but it seems to me that due to only 4 weeks passing and she is already announcing to colleagues that they are sleeping together, they very likely had something before she split with her husband and it very likely was a contributing factor in her split from her family (hence the term homewrecker).
Fast forward 4 weeks, my wife tells me she wants to go with a friend 2 evenings per week to this guy's place to work out with him in his basement. At first I said that I was not going to say no, but after thinking about it for a couple days I told my wife I didn't like it and I wasn't comfortable with it. Well she goes ahead and signs up anyway (after I told her I wasn't comfortable with it), she doesn't tell me until an hour before the first session.
Well I was quite pissed and we had a fight. She ended up canceling the workout sessions but only did it because I basically told her to. She doesn't think anything is wrong with it and thinks I'm wrong here. It's been 2 weeks and we have been cold and distant ever since. So, AITA?
Later, the post was edited to include:
EDIT for more info. I asked my wife if she thinks the guy was moving on the woman while she was still married and she agrees its likely.
I also asked my wife if the roles were reversed and I was working out with a female colleague, in her basement and it was assumed she slept with a married guy at my work contributing to a divorce if she would be comfortable with it, and she wouldn't say either way.
Again, while I understand it doesn't come off that way, I trust my wife, I don't trust the guy and just didn't like the situation.
Of course, the jury of internet strangers was eager to weigh in on this glorious marriage and gym drama. Here's what people had to say:
LeftAlbatross2546 said:
NTA - It is obvious, if the story was reversed, she would not like it. And, while I may get hammered for saying this... If SHE were here making this post, many of the people here claiming that YOU are TA would be singing a different tune.
I would be saying the same thing as you. Going to some guy's basement to exercise? Really? That seems like a good idea when you are married? Leave out the fact of the guy seeming to have an affair with someone married. It's STILL a bad idea. Your wife wouldn't like it if you were doing this with a woman in exercise clothes in HER basement.
Quey84 said:
Not to mention it sounds like a scenario you might hear in a true crime documentary. It's sketchy on many levels. NTA.
RecommendsMalazan said:
NTA. I think what's most telling about this is when you asked your wife how she'd feel if the genders were flipped. To which she didn't answer. That, to me, means she knows she would not be okay with it, and is struggling with the hypocrisy in her own actions that she's now aware of. If she wouldn't be comfortable with you doing this, then it's fine for you to not feel comfortable with her doing so.
NcgreenIantern said:
NTA there's dozens of reasons why her wanting to work out at this guys house is a bad idea. The main fact is it makes you feel uncomfortable she should understand that you have concerns and the way she's handled it doesn't make the situation better.
dabbers4123 said:
NTA that’s weird as hell she wants to workout at someone’s private home. Is it closer than the gym and did she invite you to go with her. This is red flags galore and if the roles were reversed the sub would be saying he is cheating and to leave him.
So, there you have it!
Everyone agreed unanimously here that this husband isn't wrong to question his wife's desire for a basement exercise session, but only because he told her he was uncomfortable with the whole idea. Considering there isn't any evidence of cheating here, it seems bizarre to monitor your partner's gym time, even if her instructor has a history of infidelity. Good luck, everyone!