Husband calls wife a 'neglectful mom' for attending her sister's wedding.
Some people would do anything to get out of going to a wedding... and others will do anything not to miss them.
When a stay at home mother was weirdly forbidden from attending her sister's wedding, she decided not to listen. After a huge family dispute, she (u/Walls_Windows1376) took to Reddit to ask:
'AITA (Am I the as*hole) for still going to my sister's wedding after my husband canceled my plane ticket?'
Here's the situation. My husband [36] and I [30] have 3 kids [2, 4, 7] . I'm a sahm (stay at home mom) full time and I take care of the kids while my husband works full time.
My sister's wedding was last week. We live hours away which is an issue for my husband. When we first got the invite he told me that he wasn't going, that he will stay for the kids and suggested I do the same. Since the wedding doesn't allow kids and my husband doesn't want to hire a babysitter after the one we had robbed us.
We had gone back and forth on this. but I insisted on going since that's my only sister and I want to attend what might be a once in a lifetime event for her. He chuckled at my statement then we stopped talking about it.
As the wedding was approaching, He brought it up and told me to miss it and stay with the kids. I suggested that since no babysitters were allowed then, I could get my friend to stay with the kids but he refused. I ignored him, spoke to my friend who agreed to watch the kids and booked a ticket to travel to my sister's town in time.
My husband found out and went on about how he had work, and that the most logical solution is that I stay home with the kids and let him make his living. I told him that I already took care of the kids and they'll stay with my friend.
Honestly? I grew inpatient. The day of my flight I dropped the kids off at my friend's place then headed to the airport. I found out he had canceled my plane ticket.
I was upset but still insisted on going so I went home and got into my car and drove 4hrs to get to the town.
At 5pm. My husband called and was freaking out on me asking where I was. I told him I made it to my sister's town and he blew up saying I wasn't supposed to go, even said he canceled my ticket to get me to stay. He demanded I return but I said not until the wedding was over.
He called me horrible, neglectful mom then had his mom scold me and accuse me of abandoning my own kids. There was a huge argument ensued when I returned home and my husband kept on saying I was horrible to leave the kids and to ignore him like that and do what I wanted eventually.
He's giving me silent treatment as of now and I can no longer take it. I felt guilty and did NOT enjoy the wedding AT ALL. Was I wrong for still going?
[INFO] My husband dislikes my sister if it's relevant.
Oh... I think it's relevant. If you are wondering why on earth this woman thinks she could possibly be in the wrong, you're not alone.
Reddit ruled a very concerned NTA (not the as*hole) and had much advise to offer her:
waywardjynx says:
Financial abuse? Yup. Isolating you from loved ones? Yup. Controlling behavior? Yup. NTA and please leave the AH (he should be required to give you child support and alimony). You are not neglectful, your kids were taken care of.
and OP responded:
Thank you so much! The childcare arrangement issue has been making my life ×10 harder. After that babysitter robbed us, my husband decided that no babysitter is allowed into our home anymore. I disagreed because of how illogical his decision was and now look at how much we're struggling...I'M struggling actually without outside help.
Aussiebiblophile writes:
'horrible, neglectful mom' From the man that did everything he could to not have to parent his own kids for a weekend. Your relationship is not healthy. He is manipulating and controlling. Hopefully the comments here open your eyes. NTA.
Vequihellin agrees:
Run. Run now. He's controlling and isolating you from family. You're already beholden to him as the 'bread winner' and he cancels a plane ticket to force you to stay away form your family, then has his mother 'scold you'? You need to gtfo of there ASAP.
Melmoth_Milton comments:
Why is he trying so hard to isolate you from someone you love? Repeatedly insisting you not go is bad enough, but cancelling your ticket is out of bounds. Verbally abusing you and sending his mother to verbally abuse you just because you want to see your sister's wedding is gross.
You were right to go, and if I were you, I would reconsider whether I wanted to stay married to a man who is this controlling- and a man who sends his mummy to threaten you just for wanting to go to your sister's wedding. NTA but seriously, consider hard whether this is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. I know I wouldn't.
jammy913 says:
NTA. I like that you did what you had to do to be there for your sister. It's just a shame you didn't enjoy her wedding though. I'm glad you didn't let your husband's tactics stop you. I think you should take the silent treatment as the gift it is, since most of the talking he did in your post was dismissive of you and your feelings.
And OP responded:
Yeah. I did not enjoy it one bit. My family noticed the look in my face after my husband yelled at me on the phone. Despite trying to act normal, they just knew since this is not a new thing. they always hear about our fights.
So, there you have it! This relationship is toxic and it seems like everyone knows it.
Well, almost everyone. Hopefully OP takes Reddit's advice and leaves this as*hole.