Mom asks for advice after lawyer says her husband is having an affair. Updated!
'I've been informed by a solicitor that my husband is having an affair.'
Yesterday morning I was contacted by a solicitor. I was confused because I don't have any need for one for anything. She told me that her client is seeking a divorce from his wife due to the wife having an affair. Their investigator found the affair is with my husband and the client asked the solicitor to inform me since my husband is married.
She provided me with proof of the affair. My brother-in-law is to be married on Saturday. My husband is the best man and is already there to assist with everything.
Me and my 5 month-old daughter were supposed to leave on Friday morning to join them. My husband is unaware that I know. I am shocked but the proof is right in front of my eyes. I haven't told anyone but I have asked me sister to come over after work. I'm going to ask if my daughter and me can stay with her.
I don't think I can face him at the wedding. I don't want to hear excuses. My sister's husband is a solicitor and while he does not do divorces I'll ask if he can recommend someone. I have to talk to my sister but I'm mostly just getting my thoughts out on here because I feel entirely scattered.
Comments from original post:
attitude_devant writes:
If you REALLY want to f**k with your husband, set up consultations with all the top divorce attorneys in your town——then he won’t be able to use them because they have a prior relationship with you.
Editor's note: Does this really work? Wasn't this a plot line in the Sopranos?
anoncheatedthrowra OP responded:
I'm not American. That is not a thing here.
Mission_Definition_1 writes:
OP’s husband is terrible. The fact that he can help someone (BIL) with their wedding while cheating on his wife is telling of his moral compass.
Burntoastedbutter writes:
I think it's just a little ironic that he's helping with a marriage while he f**ked his one over. Kinda funnily sad.
Ms_PlapPlap writes:
I’m so sorry :( I’d make sure he can’t cut you off from any shared accounts or anything…if his affair partner is about to be served with divorce papers, chances are she’ll give him a heads up and ruin any advantage you may have for knowing of his affair while he doesn’t know you know
Update from OP about 1 month after the original post:
I told my husband I was sick and could not attend the wedding. My sister helped pack and she is letting me and my daughter stay with her until I find a flat. (Someone I work with has a family member who has one up that I can afford that's available in January.)
When my husband returned home on the Monday there was a note telling him I knew about the affair. The husband of the other woman was going to be filing for divorce later that week and I would not be far behind. My sister's husband is a solicitor and he recommended a divorce solicitor to me. My husband and I both have jobs. We don't own a home.
At the advice of my solicitor I opened a new bank account for myself but I did not touch any of our joint accounts. I'm not stopping my husband from seeing our daughter and my solicitor said the law will favour sharing of custody. Unless it is about our daughter I told my husband to have his solicitor talk to mine. I won't discuss anything else with him.
Once we have been separated for 2 years we can get a divorce. My solicitor said there is no way to shorten the time requirement. Thank you everyone who showed me kindness.
Here's what people had to say about the update:
Note: People are asking about the 2 year requirement. Apparently that is required in many countries around the world (especially religious ones), as well as some US states (at least according to people in the comments).
Medium_Classroom2600 writes:
Which country hangs divorce for 2 years!!! Dang this Country should change their law
anoncheatedthrowra OP responded:
Ireland. (Divorce was not made legal in Ireland until 25 years ago. Before that divorces were not allowed at all. Until 2019 a couple had to be separated for 4 years, not the 2 years it is now)
Medium_Classroom2600 writes:
Don't you have any strict law for punishing cheaters?
anoncheatedthrowra OP responded:
Divorce is no fault. It also would not make a difference anyways as we aren't wealthy, don't own a home or any significant assets and are both employed.
Round_Brush_4828 writes:
What was his reaction to your note? I assume he informed the AP first chance he got to make her aware that AP's husband now knew.
anoncheatedthrowra OP responded:
I have held firm on only discussing things related to our daughter. Anything else goes to our solicitors. I do know that the other woman's husband solicitor was going to notify her within days anyways. The solicitor had warned me about it.
Medium_Classroom2600 writes:
You don't want to hear his reason to cheat?
anoncheatedthrowra OP responded:
No, I don't.
Dry_Ask5493 writes:
Good for you! Info: has he given you a reaction yet? What was the aftermath?
anoncheatedthrowra OP responded:
I've held firm that I don't want to discuss anything except our daughter and anything related to her. So I don't know and haven't talked about it with him.
SnooWords4839 writes:
Check into apps for co-parenting, that way you have proof of any communication.
anoncheatedthrowra OP responded:
That's what we are doing at the recommendation of both our solicitors.
lynypixie writes:
I can’t imagine being legally tied to your ex for 2 years. I am very sorry for you, OP
legant_pun writes:
Unfortunately they'll be tied together the rest of their lives by their kid. Shame, of course, she'll struggle to move on in that time because of that 2 year thing, though.
InterestinglyLucky writes:
Thank you OP for this update (as well as your original post, I certainly remember it). Stay strong even though your husband (depending on his personality) may say absolutely anything to try and get you to accept this and stay together.
The statistics show something like 20 to 25% of marriages suffer from infidelity - so you are not in any way alone. One source. Would recommend couples' therapy if your husband is talking about reconciling, at minimum. Wish you the best.