Husband asks for polyamory; wife is upset until she 'realizes all the perks.'

"My husband suggested polyamory a few years ago and I love it."

We’re 5 years into our marriage with 3 year old twin girls. After the girls where born he pushed for a polygamous relationship and at first I was against it. He kept pushing and I finally said yes.

At first when he would be out with someone else I would cry. I debated divorce for a while. After I cried and processed everything, I realized how over him I was. I also realized that leaving him would put me in an awful position and the girls would have to live their whole lives moving houses every other weeks.

Then while I was deciding what to do I realized the perks. He works full time, and I do part time teaching a few yoga classes in the morning. I get great insurance through his work, a great place to live, and barely pay any bills. He worked from home most of the days but I convinced him slowly into going into the office after I get home from my morning yoga classes (around 9am).

I then pushed him to go out on more dates and I would do whatever I wanted with the twins. We go out on play dates with my mom friends. We see movies, go to parks and do anything we want. He’s almost always gone at this point on multiple dates with multiple women. I get to pick what I want to watch every night after the girls go to bed. I rarely have to clean up after him because he’s gone all the time.

I basically get all my bills paid for. I get a free place to live. If I want a night off I just tell my husband I have a date and he takes care of the girls or takes them to his parents place.

I typically don’t have a date, I just go shopping, eat at a place by myself, read a book at Starbucks. I’ll even do girls nights and get us hotel rooms so none of us have to Uber home. I’ve gone on a couple dates but honestly, I don’t really care to date. Our relationship is basically over but I enjoy the perks of it now.

Here's what people had to say about OP's take on polyamory:

Brave_Window9140 writes:

It’s funny how a poly relationship ended up with you enjoying having time for yourself and kids, never seen a post like that lol

Loud_Complex_2322 OP responded:

I mean when the kids are off in college and out of the home it will probably be a different story… or if he stops going out on dates.

theshadowbudd wrote:

NGL, I thought this was how all marriages worked. Really all relationships.

Loud_Complex_2322 OP responded:

Based on a lot of comments it seems like that’s how half the relationships work lol!

justhereagain23 says:

I think more people are in your position than people realize, but one read of these comments will show you why they keep these situations private.

Loud_Complex_2322 OP responded:

A good portion of them kinda just make me laugh. They make me out to either be really bad or that I’m really sad. I get to see my girls every day (I’m about to take them to swim class!) and now when I have a night with my besties I don’t feel guilty if I flirt with a cute guy.

Talgaaz says:

Nothing like being financially stable because of a dead dad and a safety net of child support and alimony. It's shameful in hindsight though, only if you have a conscience. It's not like those little girls will eventually figure out you both clearly don't love each other and only stay together for them, and they will feel guilt for it.

Loud_Complex_2322 OP responded:

Or they could realize their parents divorced right after they were born and feel guilty thinking it was their fault… but then they would have to basically move homes every week and divide their items between two houses and have weird holidays with one parent.

IanCusickquips:

Surely this won’t result in an absolute meltdown with tons of fallout

Loud_Complex_2322 OP responded:

Oh I’m sure I’ll have another one, and probably another one! Or I’ll get lonely. Or maybe meet someone else and fall in love. I’ll just have to figure those puzzles out when I come across them but right now I’m actually surprisingly happy and I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts.

JohnnyVierund80 asked:

What the hell are you enjoying about this?? It's just sad and depressing.

Loud_Complex_2322 OP responded:

I still see my girls every day. 🫶🏻

Here's what OP had to say after reading the comments:

Wow. I really appreciate everyone’s concern. Especially my financials. I’m not poor or broke myself. I have a cushy inheritance from when my father passed and I’d be able to full time my yoga classes and not have to worry about a place to live or such. I also know about alimony and child support.

I currently like the set up because I won’t have to only see my girls every other week. They won’t have to divide up their items between two houses. They still see their dad almost everyday as well. He always makes it home by 430 am to be with the girls while I go to instruct my yoga classes.

I also said that there’s a chance I’ll meet someone. A chance I’ll decide I’m done. A chance he’ll want a divorce. I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. I mean, what’s the difference between deciding to divorce now or in 5 years, or 10 years or whenever it happens? Ill at least know I tried to give my girls stability in their younger years.

Someone asked about her sleeping with her husband and OP said this:

I don’t even think he realizes how long it’s been since we have!! I have my handy dandy toys. Only one date went that far honestly. It would be much harder to keep things going if he started being home all the time again. I’m too used to my freedom now. 😅