'AITA for saying it’s my wife’s fault that my slacks didn’t get packed for my trip?'
"AITA for saying it’s my wife’s fault that my slacks didn’t get packed for my trip?"
Hi, first time poster. My wife (30F) and I (31M) have been married for about 7 years now. I decided to go on a last minute work trip which caused me to have to book flights, hotel, etc. late at night and then fly out the next day.
I needed new work slacks for the trip since I’ve primarily been working from home in my current company, so we had to make a late night run to the local Walmart to get a few pairs. We also got some button up shirts.
When we got home I had some stuff to finish up with the planning, so I asked my wife to wash my new clothes so that my shirts weren’t so wrinkly. I handed her the shirts to wash separately and put the pants in the dirty laundry.
While they washed, she packed my suitcase and then added the shirts when they were done. When it came time to leave, I verified everything was packed by asking her if she packed my pants. She said yes.
Cue to late the next night when I arrive at my hotel and my slacks aren’t in there—only my brown khakis and gray khakis. I called her pretty upset asking where my slacks were. She got defensive and told me she thought she packed all my clothes (I had laid them out on the bed besides the stuff to be washed) and told me they should be in there.
I made her check the laundry room to be sure and she looked around the whole house before finding them in our bedroom laundry basket unwashed.
I repeated a few times how I was frustrated that she hadn’t packed them but had told me that she did. She said she didn’t realize by “pants” I meant my slacks and that she was busy trying to do other stuff and just had a memory of packing some pants with all the other things I had laid out.
She also said it was unreasonable for me to be upset with her when they are my pants and she didn’t think she was expected to do a whole second load of laundry at midnight.
In the end she attempted to make me feel better by saying that it would be okay and my work would understand that sometimes things get a bit hectic with packing and traveling last minute (and I can buy more in the evening hopefully). I feel kind of bad cause I could tell she was frustrated with me for blaming her, but in my defense I did ask her if she had packed everything.
Here's what people had to say to OPL
Spineberry says:
YTA - you're a grown adult and should be doing your own packing and laundry. It is your responsibility to check that all the items were in the suitcase before leaving. I'm also not sure why you put the clothes in a dirty garment hamper, as the only reason they would have been discovered is if your wife decided in the middle of the chaos of your departure to put a load of laundry on.
If you wanted these specific items washed at once, they should have been in the direct vicinity of the washing machine, or you should have put them on yourself. Putting washing on takes all of a minute.
Appropriate-Sale2230 comments:
I actually can't find anything wrong at all with your wife's behavior. It played out as well as possible given the conditions you put up for her to help you with your problem. You put the pants out of sight, out of mind, and didn't check for them specifically. Be thankful for all she did for you, and apologize to her.
But eleanorlikesvodka thinks:
There's definitely something wrong with the wife's behavior: putting up with OP's bul^%$*t. I swear this sub would lose 70% of its content if women in heterosexual relationships wisened up. The amount of men who want, who expect their partners to mother them is staggering. YTA OP, be a f*cking grown up and pack your own damn bags!
r3097934 adds:
What amazes me how even in 2023 there are women who think it's totally reasonable to work full time and do all the housework because men are incapable of vacuuming or making dinner. And don't get me started on dudes who have never done their own laundry EVER.
From RoyalEagle0408:
Sometimes I read the title and form an opinion and am proven wrong by the actual post. This was not one of those times… YTA and your wife deserves an apology and probably a better husband.
But DebDestroyerTX pinpoints the heart of the problem:
No, the issue is you put the new pants in the hamper.
And OP responds:
Yes, I am realizing it would have been better to hand them to her now, but at the time since they were being washed separately I thought the hamper was fine. I just asked her multiple times if she had packed my pants and I assumed she knew I meant the pants we just bought.
It’s strange how you keep positioning this whole situation as though you were her manager at work. If this WAS a professional setting, here’s the review I’d give you:
You communicated expectations poorly, you failed to establish and utilize consistent systems, and you are encouraging resentment by failing to take responsibility for your shortcomings, and instead outsourcing blame to your coworkers. How very middle management of you!
It’s weird AF that you treat your marriage as a business relationship though.
After the internet tongue-lashing, OP decided to update his original post:
I accept that IATA and have apologized to my wife. She responded graciously and told me she knows a lot of it was just my stress from traveling and worrying about work. We are good now and I promised to do better in the future.
Thanks to everyone who engaged with me civilly in the comments. I showed my wife the post and she wants to say that she is a little surprised at how angry everyone else was (she says she was frustrated but knew it’s not a pattern), especially some individual messages that some very angry people decided to send me.