Man asks if he was wrong to buy wife smartwatch in color she doesn't like.

Being 'seen' by your partner is important. Intimacy is all about knowing each other's likes, dislikes, secrets, and peculiarities. This makes you closer, and ideally makes you special to one another in ways no one else can be.

In this story a man takes to Reddit's 'Am I The A**hole' subreddit to ask what people think about a gift that he got for his wife, which didn't live up to her expectations, and in fact, showed he wasn't thinking about her preferences. Here's his story...

I feel kind of stupid for asking this but I can’t reconcile what went wrong in my head?

Basically I’ve been away with work for a few weeks. We both have Apple Watches which after a few years have shorter battery life so we were due a replacement. I shopped around for a little while even thinking to change from Apple Watch to some other smart watch.

Anyway, I caved and decided to replace the watches through our phone provider who only had a limited range of colors and sizes. I got mine which was the same size and colour but my wife’s the only one I thought she’d like was silver and white.

So I get parcel tracking and thought it would be a nice surprise for her to open when I knew it arrived (being that I’m away with work it was going to be a remote surprise) and I asked if she would open the parcel that came for me that day.

Initially she was happy that I’d surprised her that way until she opened the box and said words to the effect of “ugh, why did you get me a silver watch? You know I don’t wear silver?” 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

This has since been turned into an accusation that I deliberately decided to hurt her by buying a watch in a color she KNOWS she won’t wear. I acknowledge that she prefers gold jewelry. But I wasn’t thinking of colours, more the practical requirement that the smart watch would be for her? I can also acknowledge that yes, I should’ve been more thoughtful but I was limited in the range that was available?

Now I have a $600 watch that won’t be worn and an angry wife. I suppose the hardest part I can’t reconcile is that I can’t think of what type of person would try to gift or surprise their beloved with the intention of hurting them? Am I the asshole?

Here's what people said in the comments:

Jennabear82 writes:

NAH - I had a similar experience with my husband this past week. I was feeding the baby and he offered to get me something. I asked for a bagel. I got a cold bagel. I was bummed, but thankful for food. He gets a hot English muffin with butter and honey every night before bed.

I will even make it for him when he's feeding the baby. I later asked him why my bagel was cold. He froze like a scared cat and said 'I thought you liked them that way. I always see you eating them cold.' I told him that while I was grateful, I eat them cold most of the time bc I'm tired, starving and don't have the patience to wait for it to be warmed up. I'm also typically in a hurry.

You tried and fell a little short, and she's hurt bc she feels you didn't pay enough attention. It's not the end of the world. Take it back to the store and exchange it, or change watches with her.

ThrowRAdefeatedguy OP replied:

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I get the part about trying and falling short. I’m probably that guy more times than I’m not. 😞

PheonixKernow writes:

Can you switch out bands like a Fitbit? If so order just the band in gold?

ThrowRAdefeatedguy OP says:

Yes, and I’ve since suggested this but I think she doesn’t want me to fix the problem anymore. Just make me feel bad seems to be the motive at the moment.

Unit-00 says:

NAH, but you should have just asked her about it instead of trying to guess what color she would like. Not every gift has to be a surprise.

ThrowRAdefeatedguy OP says:

My wife likes surprises. If I was to ask beforehand or something then I get accused of not caring or valuing her as a person.

sixfootapart writes:

NTA? Is it not returnable if she didn’t like the color?

ThrowRAdefeatedguy OP says:

She has tried to return it but due to the limited range available she was unable to unfortunately.

sheath2 says:

According to his post history, she's been depressed for two years and everything he's done is wrong. It doesn't matter what gift he gets, she finds some reason to not like it and instead expects gifts that are unreasonable for their budget.

His first post on his account was 'I don't feel good enough for my wife anymore.' That's not someone who isn't trying -- that's someone who's tried and been shut down repeatedly.

mongoooses says:

Five kids and he’s been away for weeks. I wonder why she’s depressed.

LimitlessMegan says:

Convenient you skipped she’s gone alone with five kids. So she had depression and is struggling… what’s he doing to help with that? Making sure she’s seeing a dr/therapist? Making sure she gets time to go out with friends? Or have time alone?

Taking the kids for extended times when he’s home? Or is he just buying things he hasn’t paid enough attention to to know if they suit her and expecting that to fix her?

MagicCarpet5846 says:

If you’re that guy more often than not, nicely, stop trying to surprise her. Recognize that you’re bad at picking up the small details and just ASK her.

You think you’re being nice, but I can promise you, every ‘nice’ thing you do that misses the mark is the exact opposite of a ‘sweet gesture’. It’s actually upsetting her, making her like you less because it feels like you don’t pay attention to her at all