Man forbids wife from modeling underwear; says 'I don't want your body out there.' UPDATED

'AITAH for telling my husband he has no right to tell me what to do with my body?'

My husband (m38) and I (f42) have been together for 7 years. Married for 5. We have a son together who is 4. We love each other. I respect my husband’s opinion but ultimately I’m the one to decide over my body.

An acquaintance of min and his husband have a small gym wear company and now they have expanded with swimwear and underwear. It is not a very well known company, but apparently they do well. Now they asked me to stand model to their underwear line. They’re having models of different ages etc.

When I told my husband I didn’t expect him to fly off the handle. He was very angry and told me I was not allowed to do it. I’m sorry but NO? Yeah, I don’t want your body out there for everyone to see. I mean what does he even mean? I always wear bikinis on the beach so what's the difference? Every woman wears bikinis and underwear. AITAH to tell him that he doesn’t decide over my body?

Here's what people had to say:

NessOnett8 writes:

I'm going to go out on a limb and say this is probably not a word for word summary of exactly what was said. And the specific words used are pretty important here. But overall, he can be uncomfortable with it and ask you not to. You have no obligation to listen to him. But when couples completely ignore each other's wishes out of spite, it tends to hurt the relationship.

Like with everything else. You're free to do it. But you're not free from the consequences of doing it.

thats_MR_asshat-2-u writes:

Amen! When my wife and I first married (in our 30s) we got into some arguments because I was still acting like a single guy much of the time. I added to the problem by arguing back, dismissing her feelings as ridiculous, while showing no understanding of her concerns.

A good friend of mine who was married for 10 years at the time helped me realize that sometimes, your spouse might be upset about something and maybe they are overreacting, but if you don’t listen to the reason why and if you disregard the reactions and emotions and tell them there’s no way you’re going to change, you should re-consider why you got married and joined as partners for life.

“Don’t just shut her out,” he said. We worked it all out - I listened and learned more about communicating instead of arguing. We both learned about compromise. Plus, now I’m healthier than ever and sober for 16 years.

Accomplished_Yam_422 writes:

I'd be proud if some company asked my wife to do this ....

OrdinaryLawyer2473 OP responded:

Yeah no, he was furious instead.

stingeragent writes:

I'm about 99% certain this lady is completely exaggerating her husbands response based on all her subsequent comments here. Honestly feels like she's just looking for the internet to validate her divorcing her husband.

MyTesticlesAreBolas writes:

NTA. Your husband is treating you more like property, than family! When someone shows you who they truly are, believe them.

AnonOnKeys writes:

I'm stunned by the comments here, although perhaps I shouldn't be.

You own your body and can do whatever TF you want with it.

Thousands of comments saying that your husband has at least some input into that, and that his opinions should be valued on this topic? That's just proof that our culture is extremely fucked up and misogynistic. Yes, I realize that I will now be downvoted to oblivion. Doesn't make this false.

Pastor_Satan writes:

So you're going to divorce him for him not wanting others to see you in your underwear? YTA, no doubt

Note: There were a lot of hateful comments telling OP she's being a bad wife, calling her names, etc.

Here's the update one week later:

'My husband and I are separating. I guess many of you will be happy for my him. The witch is dead.'

Hi everyone! I’m here for an update. My husband and I are taking a break. He wants us to start therapy and marriage counseling and he will be moving out soon to his parents house until he can get his own apartment. I still don’t know what that means in terms of divorce but in my heart I believe that my husband and I aren’t meant to be.

I have declined the offer to model for my friends’ company and thanked them for the opportunity and for trusting me. I wished them prosperity because they’re awesome and their business model is great.

About my husband, I have always loved him and valued his opinions. My goal was always mutual trust and respect and I would never have done anything that would hurt him and his feelings. But he didn’t make it about love, trust or respect.

He made it about ownership and property. That left a bitter taste in my mouth and it made me think about other aspects of our relationship. I realized that we weren’t compatible. I will never be what he wants me to be.

I told my husband everything that I wrote in the previous paragraph and that I didn’t want to stay married to him because of it and that I wanted to separate now before we started resenting each other. He said, what?! Are you going to ruin our marriage because of a modeling gig? I realized that he will never understand.

Here's what people had to say after the update:

ATyeMoreBinding writes:

'I realized that we weren’t compatible. I will never be what he wants me to be.' I think this is more the crux of it than one of you being right or wrong.

The original issue isn’t something my partner would be comfortable with me doing, but it’s also something I’d be uncomfortable doing for very similar reasons. So it never becomes about control, because our values already match in that regard.

The idea doesn’t make you uncomfortable, it sounded exciting and fun and fulfilling. Plenty of people of both genders would agree with you. You can both be wanting to respect each other, but if deeper values aren’t in agreement, that will mean different things to each of you. (The angry/flying off the handle response wasn’t good, and is a separate issue of conflict resolution methods.)

pizzaisapie69 writes:

I genuinely don’t understand why you’re getting so much hate. In a healthy relationship, conversations like this are conversations.

If I brought this idea up to my husband, he would genuinely want to know why I want to do it, and he would definitely express if he wasn’t comfortable with it, but in no way shape or form would he fly off the handle and tell me I am not allowed to.

Marriage is a partnership between equals, not a superior telling an inferior what they can and can’t do

Downtown_Invite4092 writes:

I’m married. I wouldn’t be comfortable or ok with my husband just deciding to become an underwear model Yes he can do what he wants, like I can file for divorce.

Far_Strike_4106 writes:

Weird. I read the original post and you were right, but it seems like a dumb af thing to divorce over. I don’t get it. What was the real issue?