Pregnant woman snaps at husband when he complains about being tired after week away.

Jun 27, 2023 | 9:04 A.M. ET

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Marriage takes a lot of work, no matter what. But the emotional stakes get higher when a pregnancy is involved. Now, on top of the stress of daily life, you have the physical exhaustion of pregnancy and the looming knowledge that a child will be joining you.

Even couples with amazing communication skills are bound to hit some snags in these circumstances. So it's hardly surprising that the internet is full of quandaries from couples who are expecting.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was too harsh when she told her husband his exhaustion was his own fault.

She wrote:

AITA for telling my husband it's his fault he's tired?

I'm in my third trimester of pregnancy, first kid. My husband wanted to travel to visit his friends and family, knowing that once baby comes, he probably won't be able to see them for awhile. He is taking some summer courses to get an advanced degree, but had a week-long break between classes.

I said okay, knowing I wouldn't be able to go with because of how busy I am at work (if my doctor would even sign off on me traveling). He had a great time there, but had a miserable time traveling home for reasons outside of his control. He got home early yesterday (when he was supposed to be back late the night before) and was exhausted.

He slept most of the day, got up, did some homework and played video games for a few hours, and then went back to bed. Which brings us to today. He had class from 9-3. We had a meeting with a birth coach at 6, and the meeting lasted about two hours. Immediately after the meeting, he turned to me and said 'great, now I'm not going to have time to do anything tonight.'

This isn't the first time he's said something like this after something birth/pregnancy related I've asked him to do with me (and I haven't even asked him to come to my doctor appointments with me, so I don't think I'm asking for that much). I told him that when he says that, it makes me feel like this pregnancy is some big burden and inconvenience to him, when in reality I'm doing all the heavy lifting.

He said no, he just hasn't had any time for himself. I reminded him that neither had I - I worked all day and didn't have a three-hour break between the end of my day and the birth meeting like he did. And I also didn't just come off of spending a week chilling with my friends and family, playing games and having fun. He replied that that didn't count as time for himself and it was exhausting.

My response was that if it was so exhausting, he shouldn't have gone or should have gone for a shorter period of time so he could have relaxed at home during his break. He got really angry and left. AITA?

The internet did not hold back their assessments.

blackgirlmagicplz wrote:

He doesn’t go to doctors appointments with you?! 🚩

He left you alone when you’re in your third trimester?! 🚩

He thinks he’s tired now? The baby isn’t even here. 🚩

NTA. But if you have any other options available you should pursue them, the flags are VERY red.

Edit: I’ve seen your comments here you say you don’t ask him to go to appointments with you. Sweetheart, you shouldn’t have to ask. The father of your child should be giddy and insist on going.

WraithLord2322 wrote:

NTA. Your points are completely valid. I don't really understand what your husband wants as personal time? He had a week and wasted it (a conclusion drawn from his own statements)

Being a parent is hard, me-time wise (saying from experience) but you have to cope with it. Your husband is most probably not gonna get much time for the first two years after your kid is born, coz if he is an involved parent, well...even after that, spending time with the kid will be important to develop a relationship and not end up like the millions having parent issues.

It is a byproduct of pregnancy (to put it crudely), but you will have to sacrifice some of your personal time for your child (not all, some). IMHO, you should take a stand against your husband, have a serious discussion, maybe even get counselling, and set things straight.

General_Relative2838 wrote:

NAH. Women are constantly reminded that they have a baby inside them. We feel the changes in our bodies and the baby’s movements. My children were born years ago when husbands going to the doctor appointments wasn’t the norm. My husband was excited about the baby, but he couldn’t go to birth classes because we worked opposite schedules. I’m sure not being able to go didn’t break his heart.

I will never forget the expression on my husband’s face when our daughter was born. He has been a devoted and loving father who puts the needs of his children above his own. My point is being pregnant and being a parent are different.

Your husband has a lot on his plate. Because he made the trip to see his friends understanding his life will change after the baby’s birth bodes well. Just because he’s not enthusiastic about birth classes doesn’t mean he’s going to be a bad father.

Single_Vacation427 wrote:

NTA. First, you said he has complained about activities related to pregnancy before, so I don't think this is the stress from his mom. Second, he should be wanting to go to your doctor's appointment. He is your partner! He is not behaving like a partner. YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO ASK HIM!!!! Having to ask him is more mental load. Your health and the baby's health should be of interest to him.

Finally, I think baby exhaustion is worse than exhaustion from his mom. He was sleeping. He had time for himself. Baby exhaustion is worse because of the lack of sleep and having a baby screaming. He needs to step up. You are doing all of the heavy lifting here.

After receiving a good deal of feedback, OP jumped back on with an update.

UPDATE: Husband came home and we had a long heart to heart. Apparently the trip was stressful for reasons other than just the travel (his mom thinks we're going to be terrible parents and he had to spend most of the time fending her off, so his nerves are frayed-they have a complicated relationship that I thought was fine now, but evidently not).

He didn't want to tell me about the issues with his mom because he was worried the things she was saying would hurt my feelings (he wasn't wrong). So he got frustrated that I thought he was off having fun when he was actually having a hellish week. But he apologized because he realized there's no way I would have known that without him telling me.

I told him I wanted to feel like we're a team and we're not communicating well with each other. And that we're also going to be tired when baby comes, but that doesn't mean we can shut down on each other. He agreed but also pointed out that he thinks baby exhaustion will be different than exhaustion from his mother. Hopefully he's right.

I feel kind of dumb for posting now because this was all a miscommunication, but it was so unlike my husband to just storm off on me that I thought I must have done something wrong. So thanks everyone for your insights.

Luckily, it sounds like OP and her husband were able to talk it through and get to a place of mutual understanding, which is key.

Sources: Reddit

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