'AITA for wanting my wife to call me 'husband' instead of 'partner'? She's stubborn.'
"AITA for wanting my wife to call me 'husband' instead of 'partner'?"
I (M32) and my wife (F31) have been married for 5 years and have a two-year-old son. However, there's something that bothers me: she always introduces me as her partner and not as her husband.
She says that husband/wife is a role that anyone can have, but she believes that I'm her life partner more than anything else. She says she loves me more than a husband, which is sweet, but people assume we're not married.
I understand she has good intentions, but I don't agree with this logic. For me, husband/wife is a term that signifies commitment, loyalty, and unity. I think calling me a partner is too vague and generic and doesn't reflect the depth of our relationship.
As I mentioned, this could cause misunderstandings with other people who think we're not married, and one even assumed we're in an open relationship.
I've talked to her about this several times, but she won't change her mind. She says I'm being 'insecure' and that I should respect her choice of words. She insists it doesn't affect our love at all and that I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. I don't want to argue with her over this, but I feel she's being stubborn. AITA?
Here's what people had to day to OP:
iamdougaf says:
YTA. This is about control for you.
Trailsya says:
What a dumb problem you have.
Bladenkerst_Baenre says:
just say "in crime" every time she says partner
Radiant_Maize2315 says:
So your main concern is how other people perceive you and your relationship? YTA. I promise they don’t think about you as much as you think they do, and even if they did, why should you care?
Throwaway_partner1 OP responded:
It's not about that, but it would cause the same sense of strangeness as the word 'partner.' This, again, could generate comments about the use of a word that is not commonly used.
Playful_Self_8685 says:
YTA why does it matter what your wife calls you if it’s not disrespectful? You are being insecure. Why does it matter what other people think about your relationship
Throwaway_partner1 OP responded:
In my country, although 'partner' can refer to 'spouse', it sounds somewhat impolite and is not commonly used (Actually, I've never met a woman who introduced her husband as 'partner'). It's not a way wives tend to mention their husbands.
UnivScvm says:
I use “spouse” without issue.
Throwaway_partner1 OP responded:
But unlike your country, in my country, this word is mostly used in documents. Basically, we would just be exchanging words that would generate the same questioning comments.
_DingoDango_ says:
NAH. I think you are both aiming for the same thing out of love. Maybe you can ask for her to say "my husband and partner", but ultimately what others think of your relationship is irrelevant to what you actually have, their opinions shouldn't matter.
It's a good option, I think this is a great way to please both sides. Thank you!