Wife finds out her husband of 6 years first slept with her as part of a bet. NEW UPDATE
"I (24F) found out that my husband (35M) made a disgusting bet with his friends when he met me and now I can't see him the same way"
sotb1234
He (35M) is friends with my (24F) stepbrother (36M) since they were in college, and to be honest they were always respectful to me and I NEVER knew they were bad enough to do what they did to me, I thought they respected me for being their friend's younger sister, but I was wrong.
To put you in context, their group of friends dissolved when they grew up and followed different paths, and a few days ago they decided to meet again. It was held at my house and at one point during dinner one of his friends started saying things like he (my husband) was very lucky that our thing worked out, and when he said that some laughed and my stepbrother and my husband got very nervous.
So I asked what he was talking about, and when my husband tried to shut him up I knew something was wrong so I asked the same thing again. He told me that when my stepbrother introduced us he told them that I was really arrogant and a loser and that I needed someone to "teach me a lesson".
And I admit, I was very arrogant, I used to be annoying because I thought that no one was smarter than me and that they were all idiots.
Well, they (except my stepbrother) decided to bet to see who would get to sleep with me first, evidently it was my husband and we've been together ever since (this happened six years ago)
And I would feel less hurt if he had always been an a@ole because it would be my fault for falling in love with someone like that, but he was always SO sweet and cute to me since we started talking that I would never have thought that he was making fun of me behind my back.
When his friend said that everyone shut up because my face said it all, I got so pissed off that I just laughed and went to our room.
My husband followed me and began to swear to me that he is no longer like that. He said that he loves me and that he regrets what an a**hole he was before he met me, and even though we talked a lot and I tried to forgive him I can't look at him the same way.
This morning he went with me to my appointment with the doctor because I am pregnant and when he cried when he saw our baby, I was disgusted, because I don't know if he is being sincere or not. I don't know when I'll trust him again but I want to do it but I can't, does that even make sense? Could things go back to the way they were before this mess?
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this initial post:
soph_lurk_2018
A bunch of 29 year olds make a bet to have s3x with and humiliate an 18 year old in order to put her in her place. That is extremely disgusting. They are a bunch of predators. Your step brother included for being friends with these kinds of people.
PoorCorrelation
They’re all idiots and she’s definitely smarter than them.
tiredandshort
I hate to be the one to say it, but I find it suuuuuuper weird that a bunch of 29 year olds would make a bet about sleeping with an 18 year old??!! And teach her a lesson??????? Super super weird. That’s extremely immature and disgusting behaviour for very full adults.
How dare they call YOU the one who needed to be taught a lesson??? If anything, they needed to be taught a lesson. Your step brother is pretty vile too for not stopping that bet.
lecorbeauamelasse
...so you found out that a group of men who were just on the sunny side of thirty took a bet to see who would get to fuck the arrogance out of a teenaged girl. And the guy from that group who "won" is your husband. And you were the girl. Jesus Christ.
I'm so sorry, OP. What a shocking thing to find out, and yes, it is a huge betrayal, especially considering it's clear he never had any intention of telling you the truth (which imo he should have done FAR before things got serious if he cared about you).
Please consider counselling for yourself and take your time to decide whether the relationship is worth salvaging. You deserve to do what's best for you and if you reach the point where you're sure your trust is irrevocably broken, it's totally understandable.
"AITA for forcing my husband to celebrate his birthday only with me because I don't like his family?"
sotb1234
So, a few weeks ago I found out about a horrible bet that he made with his friends about me before we started dating and it was not easy to forgive him so I told him that I would forgive him if he didn't invite his family, that's why I said I "forced" him in the title.
The thing is, my (24F) husband (36M) comes from a family that really doesn't know what boundaries are. Ever since they found out I'm pregnant they tell me what to eat, what to wear, how to act etc and I can't stand them anymore. I tried a thousand times to like them but I can't they are really overwhelming.
I am about to give birth and I just want peace and I know that with them that is impossible, so I asked my husband to go to a restaurant to celebrate his birthday because I wanted to be at peace at home.
He refused because he said he wanted to stay with me so I told him not to invite his family then because they get on my nerves. At first, he didn't like the idea so much because he had never celebrated a birthday party without his family but then he accepted.
So we celebrated just the two of us at our house, and of course his family got mad at us, especially me because they know it was me who didn't want them to come. But I don't regret the decision I made because it's the first time in six years that I've dared to face them and tell them not to do something I don't like.
So, it sounds like the OP retaliated with a little dare of her own. 8 months later, the OP returned with a proper update. "Update"
sotb1234
On my first post I (24F) got a lot of nice comments and even messages so I thought it would be a good idea to post an update. After I found out about the bet we had so many fights that we thought it was the end of our marriage. We decided to start couples therapy, hoping for the best and thanks to that we were able to move on.
He (36M) apologized many times and we have had many long talks on this matter. But, today, I can say that everything is in the past. Today, we have a beautiful seven month old baby girl and I am five months pregnant and, to be honest, I have never been happier.
Of course there are days where I think about what he did but then I think about the present and what he is today and I forget about everything because the truth is that he is another person now.
Well, he was never really mean to me because from the moment we started talking he was always caring and sweet, only now I know that everything is genuine and he's not faking it. Although according to him he never faked anything because he liked me a lot when he knew me intimately.
I don't think our marriage is perfect because, from time to time, we have fights but for that reason we are still working on our relationship. Because we love each other and we want this to work and we want to grow old together, so that's all there isn't much more to say. Thank you for your kind comments and messages.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this final update:
pumpkinspicenation
A 29 slept with an 18 year old to win a bet and now she's having his baby? Oof. All these red flags look like a poppy field.
Primary-Friend-7615
Two babies under a year apart is definitely going to fix this relationship.
KyroNoHane
Normally I don't comment on age gaps, but that age gap is pretty bad considering the context of the post. Yikes.
Terpsichorean_Wombat
That's the thing that really stuck with me. 30ish dudes planning to "teach a lesson" to a 20ish kid because they think she's stuck up? What a predatory pack of hyenas.
pinktoity
I went back to reference the OP because I hadn't read it. And after reading it, along with your update......Yikes. But I guess, to each their own. Good luck girl.