Woman hires housekeeper to do husband's share of chores; he says 'use your own money.'
'AITA for hiring a maid to help me with household chores?'
Me and my husband (f31, m33) have been married for almost a year, and we usually have a good arrangement for sharing chores.
He's recently gotten really swamped at work. If he's not working in the office then he's either working at home or tired. What this means is that he's not keeping up with his portion of the housework and I have to do most of it.
I do understand it's his job, but this is a lot for me as well so I decided to hire a maid to come in every couple of weeks. She came around for the first time a few days ago.
My husband isn't at all happy with this and is saying it's not much and I should be able to take care of it myself, and he does what he can. If I really need a maid, then he's telling me to pay for her using my personal savings.
I told him that's not fair on me, and we've been going back and forth on this. I know it's a silly issue but it's kind of blown up now, and my sister suggested I make a post here. So AITA?
Info from OP:
My husband didn't have to 'take up' extra work to cover expenses, we're financially sound. He's an attorney and is currently working on a big case, so the extra time at work. He's not 'taking up' anything, this is just what his job's like.
And I'm not expecting him to follow the chore distribution, I understand he can't keep up with it. Not once did I tell him he has to do the work. I only hired a maid to help out. I still do what I need to do
We can definitely afford a maid. I understand he's swamped at work but having a maid around also helps me out and gives me time to relax you know?
Here's how people judged OP:
Mollyarty writes:
You and your partner had an agreement on how you were going to handle chores, that's literally the only relevant thing here. If he's not going to keep up his end of the agreement then you need to rework the agreement or he needs to find a way to get his portion covered.
Ramscales writes:
NTA. The chores still have to be done — why are they all pushed off on her?
ImKiliW writes:
NTA - and you're hiring someone to cover HIS share of household chores, so HE should pay for it.
Eventually someone asked:
v2den asks:
INFO: What are the chores arrangement beforehand? Do both of your work full time? How are joint finance distributed/handled?
Ramscales writes:
NTA. The chores still have to be done — why are they all pushed off on her?
aitathrowaway7684 OP responded:
So previously he did most of the cooking (since I'm not that great of a cook and he enjoys it), cleaning the toilet, kitchen, things like that. Now because he has a heavy workload, he'll just make sandwiches or something basic for dinner.
He also doesn't keep up with his portion of cleaning (does it some weeks, not the next, etc). I lost my job at the end of last year and have started looking for a new one.
Here's how people judged OP after finding out she doesn't work
Direct_Surprise2828 writes:
No! You are not the AH! You did a very intelligent thing by hiring someone to come in and help with house cleaning… I have cleaners come in every two weeks… It’s a godsend.
By the way, Are you working as well?
I should’ve read some of the comments before I said anything… I’m changing this to YTA.
Pale-Mammoth-9340 writes:
YTA - So you currently have no job (and haven't had one since the end of last year)
- You don't mention kids so I'm going to assume there isn't any
- Your husband does (or did before he got a heavier workload) all the cooking and sounds like a lot of the cleaning and other housework too, while working a full time job
- Now that he can't keep up the pace with chores, you can't chip in despite sitting at home all day
- You don't need that much time to relax, most adults don't
If you don't have a job - and this goes for male, female and non binary partners - you should be doing a lot more around the house than the working partner to begin with. He's completely right, if she wants a maid, she can pay for it with her own savings.
Medium-Antelope-4593 writes:
YTA why did you not include the fact that you are not working? All of the financial burden is on him. Are there kids involved that would make you less able to clean?
AveryDiamond writes:
An obviously intentional omission. OP knows she’s the asshole but wanted to muster up some internet sympathy.