'AITA for telling my husband not to have women over to cook a meal while I am gone?'
"AITA for telling my husband not to have women over to cook a meal while I am gone?"
I (42f) have been married to my husband (56m) for 10+ years. We live overseas and recently were invited to dinner at the home of an American colleague and his Asian wife who is the same ethnicity as my husband. There were others there of the same ethnicity so it was a themed home-cooked Asian meal. We had a great time and had some excellent food.
Fast forward several weeks and I am out of town on work travel for a few weeks and my husband tells me that one of the single women at the dinner and the wife of another colleague felt bad for him because he doesn’t get home-cooked Asian food and offered to come over and cook him a meal while I am away.
I told him if it was over at the husband and wife’s apartment, that would be fine, but I really don’t want two women I don’t know rummaging around in our kitchen while I am away. What I didn’t say is that I just don’t think it’s appropriate for my husband to have two women over while I am out of town cooking a meal in our kitchen.
If the situation were reversed and it was two men coming over while he was out of town, I don’t know how he'd feel. We trust each other and have never had any reason to doubt our fidelity but I just don’t think it is an appropriate ask. I spoke with my husband today and I sense disappointment since he loves his Asian food and am wondering AITA for telling him I would rather these women not cook at our place?
People kept it honest in the comments.
MandeeLess wrote:
NTA- what an odd offer. It feels like a bid to get your husband and the single woman together by putting her in your home, because it’s a silly arrangement. You might not have ingredients, tools, spices etc that would be necessary for this. Why not just bring him a home cooked meal in containers? I would not be comfortable either.
cebogs wrote:
NTA. Fidelity reasons aside - it’s weird. I wouldn’t want ANYONE I don’t know well coming into my space while I’m absent and touching / using my things. And like you’re saying, if the genders were reversed it would be seen as weird AF.
It would rub me the wrong way if this was being perceived as fine for some reason, due to outdated stereotypes that women need to wait on men hand and foot and this assumption that your husband isn’t capable of fending for himself in your absence. If these women feel that strongly about babying your husband while you’re away, they can cook at their house and drop it off for him.
Alone-Firefighter283 wrote:
I agree it’s inappropriate. They could also easily just cook him food and drop it off if they were so concerned. They don’t need to physically cook it in your kitchen and then hang around. Also, why would you not invite the husband too if they are all planning eating together. It sounds very suspicious.
KyotoDreamsTea wrote:
NTA. Hell no. If they truly felt sorry for him, they could cook it at their own respective homes and drop it off. But to use your kitchen while you’re away is very invasive and intimate. And to only offer while you’re away seems sus.
slackerchic wrote:
NTA this is so strange! Why are these women acting like your grown husband is an infant incapable of feeding himself? It's not even about trust, it's about two women you don't know rifling through your cabinets and treating your husband like he's a neglected child.