Woman tells fiancé she wants her own room; he refuses; keeps his home gym. AITA?

"AITA for wanting my own room?"

I (24F) and my fiancé (25M) are moving into a small three-bedroom house together in a couple of months. I had never had my own room growing up and share a room with a roommate in my current living situation to save up money.

I always felt the need to share and felt guilty when I wanted to be alone in my room but couldn't since someone else was there. The only time I had a room all to myself was when my roommate or sibling was away. Even so, I didn't feel like I truly had a room to myself.

When discussing the use for one of the spare rooms in our soon to be house, I mentioned wanting to turn it into a bedroom for myself when I want to be alone. My fiancé was confused and said he wanted to use the spare room for an at-home gym instead. The other spare room will be an office for when my fiancé needs to work from home.

I argued that he already has a claim over one of the spare rooms and I should be allowed to use the other one for myself. I told him that I was looking forward to having a space all to myself, where I can be alone when I want, and am the only person that has access to. He argued that the point of moving in together was to share everything with each other and not just coexist in the same space.

He said he would change his mind on wanting a gym if we agreed to turn the second room into a guest bedroom that both of us can use when we want to be in our own space. I feel like I would still be sharing. If I have a room to myself to use and he wants to be alone at times, I can just go into my own room, and give him the space he wants.

We would be splitting expenses 50/50 so I don't think I am being that unreasonable. AITA for wanting to have my own room?

People quickly weighed in with their thoughts.

DragonFireLettuce wrote:

NTA - if you are moving into a three- bedroom house, and you both share one bedroom to sleep in, and your are sharing expenses equally - your fiancé can not FAIRLY claim both other rooms for himself (gym and office.) His COMPROMISE is that he gets one of the rooms to himself and he 'shares' the other two with you.

You're allowed to ask for a room of your own. You don't need to justify why you want it, it could be a home library, an office, a craft room - whatever you want. You do not, I repeat, DO NOT, need to justify wanting one of the two spare rooms to claim for yourself.

Die on this hill. This is your fiance showing you. 'What mine is mine, what is yours is also mine.' Which is total bull$#@t. You don't want a future with a partner with that selfish of a mindset. You can ask for fair. And you don't need a reason or justify why you expect fair.

Left-Car6520 wrote:

Just call it your office. It's very bold of him to claim one room for himself and also want to dictate the use of the other room. He gets an office, you get an office. He can put his gym in his office if he wants. Easy! NTA.

vintagelego wrote:

NTA. I feel like men have their own rooms (mancave, “office”, “gym”) is so normalized, yet when women want one it’s a whole ass thing. If you NEED a guest bedroom, maybe you can work it into a little part-time office/space for yourself and a guest room as needed. Or maybe he can do the same with the gym. But otherwise, it’s a him problem.

Outrageously_Penguin wrote:

NTA. I don’t get people saying otherwise— he’s getting an office all to himself, also wanted a gym for himself, but says it’s selfish for you to want a room for you? You can have a bed in one of the rooms that guests can sleep in while still not sharing it.

There’s nothing wrong with couples having space for themselves. Don’t let people shame you for wanting it and certainly don’t let him tell you it’s OK for him to have his own too but not you.

terpischore761 wrote:

NTA. But I think you need to live by yourself for at least a year if you can. You’ve gone from living at home to living with a roommate to living with your fiancé. You’ve never had a space that is 100% your own.

It's crystal clear, OP has the full support of the internet on her side.