'AITA for not reimbursing my friend for an ingredient I used for dinner?' UPDATED

"AITA for not reimbursing my friend for an ingredient I used for dinner?"

So the gist of things is that I (M28), have a friend (F32) who I meet up with around once a week for dinner. This will usually be at my home, since she doesn’t have much space at hers, and because I will be the one cooking. I love cooking, have been doing it since I was 6, and I’ll usually prepare us dinner with a mix of pantry staples and a few things I’ll add into my weekly grocery shop.

It’s a nice little break in the week, and we both really enjoy it. The issue arose when my friend contacted me and told me they would have other friends visiting from abroad on the day we were set to have dinner. She wanted to hang out with them, but also wanted to make our dinner. I suggested if they were open to the idea, they could come with her and I would cook for all four of us.

She spoke to them, and they agreed. On the day of, I asked my friend if they had any requests. She asked for a local dish that comes with a steak topping (baked Japanese curry rice with steak if anyone is curious), and I said that would be fine, I would get the cheese if the three of them could get the steak they wanted for themselves. I myself am vegetarian, but I don’t mind cooking meat for guests.

She agrees. I also give her some suggestions for what she can ask for in Japanese to get a good, mid-priced cut of steak. When they arrive, I’m already doing my prep. My friend hands me the steak, and I notice it’s a very high-quality one - practically coated in marbling. I mention how surprised I am, and she laughs it off saying that the assistant she spoke to recommended it as a very good cut. I carry on cooking.

We end up having a great dinner, everyone was very complimentary about the food and I opened some wine I’d bought for the dinner too. We ended up chatting until quite late before everyone left. Things got a little awkward after they left. I received a text from my friend saying they’d all enjoyed the dinner, and asking me to transfer her around 9500円 ($64) for the steaks.

I refused, pointing out that I hadn’t eaten any, and that I’d paid for everything else. She then said that I should have told her I wouldn’t be willing to include the steaks in the dinner and prepared something else, and she wouldn’t have bought them as her finances were tight at the moment. To me, this doesn’t really hold water.

Firstly because she’s aware I’m a vegetarian and wouldn’t include steaks unless asked, but more so because she specifically bought a more expensive cut of steak that my recommendation, which feels very presumptive if she truly believed I was paying for it. However, responses from her and some of our friends have been mixed.

Some support me, whereas others highlight that she’s been struggling financially, and that it’s unfair to spring a charge on her now after I covered the cost for all of our previous dinners, making her expectations reasonable. A few have also cited the maxim of “the person who extends the invitation pays” which I’m not very familiar with, but is apparently a thing? So, AITA for not paying this back?

The internet didn't hold back.

whatcakepopsdouhave had a good question:

NTA in what world would she expect you to pay for the steak?? What the hell is even going on here. Do you usually pay for the meals entirely? Even if you do I'm not saying that suggests you should pay her back, it would just piss me off more. You get to do all the cooking and presumably all the cleaning since it's always at your place, AND you get to pay for everything? Yikes.

And OP responded:

I don’t normally ask her to pay for anything because they’re usually simple dinners made with things I already have in the kitchen, plus maybe a couple dollars worth of vegetables. It very much seemed like a non-issue before this.

ckptry wrote:

NTA at all. It’s rude that she asked for steak knowing you’re a vegetarian; got very expensive steak and wants you to pay. I guess you need to stop paying for the weekly dinners as she’s acting entitled and spoiled. If her finances were so tight she had no business requesting an expensive dinner. Continue to stick up for yourself and stop worrying about what others say.

ParsimoniousSalad wrote:

NTA. You specifically asked them to get the steak they wanted to eat. Why would you be paying for their groceries? You aren't charging them for your time and effort cooking. You are not their personal short-order cook. Your friend's request for reimbursement is incredibly entitled, and does not fall under the "host pays" rule.

Violating that would be like you presenting them with a check for all the ingredients for every meal you've prepared for them. Her comment that she wouldn't have bought such expensive meat being short on funds is also kind of telling. She was trying to take her friend out for a very nice meal on your dime. That's using you.

WantToBelieveInMagic wrote:

NTA. If you didn't agree to pay for steaks, you don't have to pay for steaks. Which is why you didn't bill her for anything. Next time she wants to be reimbursed, she needs your agreement before she shops. That is, if you are going to remain friends with this strange person.

Clearly, OP is NTA - and he may have a user on his hands.