Man snaps at his mom after she suggests he pay less child support in order to help her.
Blatant favoritism can rot the goodwill of a family. Especially when that favoritism seeps into finances.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he's wrong for snapping at his mom and telling her he won't be paying taxes on their home. He wrote:
"AITA for telling my mother I won’t pay the taxes on their paid-off home while my brother lives there with his kids?"
Both my parents are old enough to retire and collect social security and their pensions. My brother is 43 yrs old, has a full-time job, uses three of the four bedrooms at my parents' home. One room for himself, two other rooms for his kids My brother pays $1200/month to my parents for rent. The normal rent for a three bedroom home in that area is a $2300 and up.
My parents just paid the house off two months ago. They are now asking my sister and I to help out with paying the taxes . My parents have told me I will receive 25% ownership of the house, my brother living with them 50%, and sister the remaining 25% after they pass. (No favoritism there). I told my brother “how much do you need?” (So I can pay 25% of the taxes). He said “I don’t know.”
My mother then said “your father and I want to retire, we would like you, brother and sister to pay the taxes.”
I asked if the rent my brother pays isn’t enough. (My brother NEVER MOVED OUT OF THE HOUSE, and has been leeching off my parents his whole life).
My mother defended him because he takes care of running errands. Then proceeded to tell me to lower the child support I pay to my ex-wife whom I have two boys with.
I said “let me get this straight- you want to f#$k my kids over, just so my brother and his kids, can live a better life? Or did you prefer, I take money out of my retirement account, penalties and all, to keep CODDLING my brother? I’m sorry but I will not continue to enable him like you have all these years. I have my own family and bills to take care of.
People kept it real with OP.
theitguy1968 wrote:
NTA. Stick to your guns, let your mooching brother pay it. One question, I am in the UK what taxes are these and why would you pay it on a fully paid-up house?
Curious_Puffin has a theory:
I don't see how it would be the responsibility of anyone neither living in the house, nor owning the house to pay the taxes. Surely it's your parents' asset, and the taxes are owed by them entirely. If they haven't got enough they could downsize, as so many people do when their kids are grown, or your brother can pay more rent.
I suspect this is the warm ip to them asking you to pay a share of repairs and maintenance on the property too with the inheritance being the dangled carrot. NTA.
And OP responded:
My sister and I have told our parents they should downsize so they could retire 5 yrs ago. But my parents couldn’t stop coddling my brother. “Where will your brother live? What about our grandchildren?”
Now that it’s paid off I still can’t believe they’re asking me for money when my brother should be paying at least $1800-$2k for the amount of rooms he’s taking up. Not to mention he has admitted to me that sometimes he only works 30hrs/week (by choice!) WTF.
Meanwhile im putting in 40+ hrs with a permanent disability (which I take pain meds for daily), making sure my kids are good. I love my mother, but she has no idea what coddling and boundaries are. I understand these behaviors are taught from a young age. I don’t blame her for not being conscious of her unconscious behavior.
It’s just tough trying to be kind to family who can’t see the whole picture. (I have a family to provide for too).
Proud_Ad_8830 wrote:
NTA. Just tell your parents to leave the entire house to your brother and he can pay all the taxes.
FormerRunnerAgain wrote:
NTA - tell them you want 25% of the rental income they are receiving on the house. They will likely sign the entire house over to your brother before they die, so you won't get anything. Even if they don't, you and your sister will own it jointly with your brother, who will decide to live there rent free, not do any maintenance and trash the place. Your 25% will be a liability.
Clearly, OP is NTA here, his parents have created a very weird situation.