Woman says, 'I’m one step away from calling off my engagement because of my MIL!'
"I’m one step away from calling off my engagement because of my MIL!"
Just like the text says. My fiancé is literally the best man I have ever met. He’s been one of my biggest supporters. He does absolutely everything in his power to protect me and make sure I’m alright.
We barely ever fight, except for the issue I have right now The one problem: his mother! She’s mentally unstable. I personally do not believe that she’s that mentally unstable that she doesn’t know what she’s saying, but his “family” says she is, but won’t do anything. I believe she’s manipulative, vindictive, and wants me out of the house.
I’m on the verge of leaving our house. She lived here before me with him because she had nowhere to go. She has been an absolute NIGHTMARE since I moved in. I cook, I clean, I pay half the bills around here, including over half the food.
We have four cats here and I pay for the majority of their food and litter as well. She stopped working because of her “supposed health” but I don’t believe it anymore. She functions just fine. She just doesn’t want to work and collect SSI. I can’t afford any more on my plate, yet she proceeds to mentally abuse me and spread lies to all of her family about me.
This happened about an hour ago:
I heard her telling her daughter that I’m controlling (Lie #1), I’m inviting everyone in the world to our wedding (lie #2), my fiancé is paying for the majority of the stuff (lie #3).
I pay electric, gas, garbage, groceries, car payment, car insurance, pet food, pet litter, pet visits are split, our couch payment split with him, my credit card, and even sometimes HER bills that she’s supposed to take care of like the water bill and internet).
I’m a full time college student and full time caretaker. I come home and I’m exhausted but my fiancé works in a factory so I try to help him out. He tends to cook some days when I’m working & he’s off.
He’s a mechanic there. His family seems to enot know all I do here and only understand the way she speaks to me. She criticized my religion (she’s Christian, I’m Catholic). She’s called me a wh’r3 before. She’s accused me of cheating on her son when that’s not even remotely true!
She does absolutely nothing. She makes excuses for everything. She “hides” in her room and when you call her out for the things she should be doing, she uses the “I’m old” excuse.
She’s 63 years old with health problems she never takes care of but is able to walk around and complain about everything. I’m at my wits' end because she either needs to change, grow up, and realize her sons marrying me, or I’m stepping away.
He doesn’t wanna throw her out either because she doesn’t have anywhere to go (which I don’t want him doing that either). I want peace and if she’s not gonna change one of us has to go and if I go: he’ll lose the house. I don’t know what to do at this point.
Edit: my fiancé pays the mortgage, his truck payment, other half of the couch payment, car insurance, helps with groceries when he can, credit card payments, and tries helping with pet necessities like the bills and pet litter/food. He does help tremendously but the mortgage is over 900 bucks and he’s paying similar the amount I am.
Another quick edit: my fiancé is on my side with this. He can’t take the constant stuff either, but he also doesn’t want to see her homeless either. He wants to find a place where she can afford and live on her own.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
TraditionalMess6392
Why can’t she live with daughter who likes to post threats on social media????
The OP responded here:
IceCompetitive2465
I’ve asked that before. They have a nice house in the country. It’s just her and her husband. She could live with them. I believe she doesn’t wanna deal with her issues and that’s why she doesn’t want her there, which is a bs excuse to me. 🤷🏻♀️
chosemyusername40
Oh honey… first mistake was dating a man who you have to provide for (yes you providing for his mother means you provide for him). Honestly this is what he expects from you now. If I were you I’d radically take back all of that and give him an ultimatum. But it kind of sounds like you’re marrying a dude who likes that he’s getting a girl that provides a fair share.
This would’ve never happened with my husband because ain’t no way in hell I would’ve gone for a dude that expected me to pitch in. He is my biggest supporter, and if anything he began taking care of me before I was even engaged with him.
Ladies take this advice from a girl whose dated everything (I’m 33): you choose the kind of guys you let into your life, choose wisely, set boundaries, and do not settle.
Aim high.. and this does not mean marrying rich.. it means go for the kind of guys that will support you and take care of you in the way you’d like to be cared for. This whole situation kind of sounds like you’re living in hell.. you don’t sound happy. Set boundaries NOW.
R0mansM0mmy
I suggest giving her a notice to move out. That’s what we did, but then she got caught trying to steal from me (and later actually did) so we had her move out the same day.
appleblossom1962
This is the rest of your life till she passes away. Can she live in an elder care home or Sr apt.
Can you live with her for the next 20-25 years? Will your relationship stand that?
The OP again responded:
IceCompetitive2465
I personally don’t think she’ll be here past her late 70s but you’re right. We’re not gonna be able to handle this with our careers and the stress she’s putting us thru. I did talk to him a few minutes ago and he agrees it can’t be like this anymore. He wants a future with me and will do anything to ensure that we have the best future we can have. I believe him too. He’s gonna make calls Monday.
BaldChihuahua
If you want a life with him, then she needs to go. He needs to make you the priority, not his Mum. He was not put on earth to take care of her like he is, she’s a drain on his life. She’s not old, I’m around 8yrs younger than her, she ridiculous imo.