Woman pissed after MIL 'destroys' her home while she's on honeymoon. AITA?
"My new MIL had her way with my house while I was on my honeymoon."
My type-A mother-in-law tried to “help” and completely overstepped. She and my father-in-law opened every single wedding present my husband and I received, threw every box away, and proceeded to re“organize” the entire kitchen. I feel so violated while also feeling so overwhelmed by the task of trying to get things back to how they were.
She called the day after our wedding while we were leaving the house for an overnight flight to Italy and asked how she could help. We said one task we have been avoiding is swapping out all the old plates and bowls for new plates and bowls, and maybe swap out the old toaster for the new toaster. (I just wanted them to swap the upgrades)
She opened every single wedding present and basically threw away every single box in the entire house. I can’t return a single thing. (If I CAN return it, I’ll have to purchase a vessel to transport the item in)
She reorganized my whole kitchen and now I can’t find anything (she put my new lazy Susan underneath the existing lazy Susan on my counter and I didn’t know it was there for 2 weeks).
I used to love to cook and would combat my lack of appetite by getting excited about trying a new recipe or perfecting a specific dish. Now I don’t even want to be in my kitchen. I can’t find anything and the process of looking usually leads to finding out they moved or threw away something important to me.
It feels like they squeezed all the toothpaste out of the tube and I’m left to try to get it back in. I keep trying to let it go, but now the insurmountable task of writing a hundred thank you notes is even more painful and miserable.
I honestly haven’t been this depressed in years. I am usually a very positive and optimistic person, but I genuinely can’t see the light at the end of this. My safe space has been taken away from me and I don’t know how to fix it.
Additionally: My spouse did ask her where a box from my favorite custom engraved champagne glasses (my brother had made for my 21st birthday) were and she apologized to him for throwing the box away. I was not a part of the conversation considering I was still crying on the floor.
Here were the top comments from readers:
Make sure she has no access. No keys. Change locks or codes if needed.
Talk to husband about consequences for her. Serious ones. It's his job to then communicate BOTH of your boundaries were broken to l and how, the consequences, and what is necessary to try to make things right, including maybe taking care of any returns or refunding you the money lost.
See if you and hubby can take a day to literally get some boxes or bins, empty the kitchen as if moving out, and then 'move in' again. I know it won't change what happened or what was lost. But it will help you hopefully to gain some feeling of ownership and control over your home again.
If possible and you want to, get some therapy. If husband is struggling to set boundaries and consequences he may need some help to start seeing how wrong she is. I imagine this is not the first time she has overstepped. Growing up with someone like that can make it hard for him to tell what's normal.
I hope you can find some measure of peace and comfort in everything going on. Best wishes.
Oh my goodness, tell her to never, ever do this again. Key back asap.
Make DEAR HUSBAND take everything out of the kitchen, since HIS parents ruined everything. He needs to get a stack of boxes from Uhaul and empty every single cabinet and drawer into the living room or spare room. Then you can go in, clean the kitchen completely and wipe out MILs presence entirely and then start putting stuff away.
Wont help with you discovering missing things, but you can then write down everything they got rid of and then DH can FULLY have a conversation with them about what they did. And dont let them back in until they apologize to YOU, not you through DH....she needs to ask forgiveness from YOU DIRECTLY. And a REAL apology, not some 'Im sorry you are upset by my 'help'' bs.
But try the purge and then clean of an empty kitchen to make it your safe space again. Hell, REPAINT or paper if that would help. A new color, even just on the walls might do the trick.
Also Hugs, if you want them, I totally get the safe space thing. I HATE having people in my house. Their energy just messes it up for me. My home is my sanctuary, and i NEED that. I would absolutely be destroyed if someone came in and 'helped' like that.
Call her out in the thank you notes. You can't properly thank people for the individual gifts they gave bc MIL opened everything and tossed the cards and boxes. Now everyone knows. Might be enough of a consequence.
Holy f*$^. What has your SO said to them to handle this situation beside just asking about one box?
The OP responded here:
He’s apologized about a hundred times now, said he’s going to fix it, and genuinely wants me to feel safe in my space again. But neither of us have a solution as to how, so nothing has changed and it just keeps getting worse. He usually goes to his mom if he has a problem and this is one of the few times she can’t fix it for him.