Wife's loses husband in 'freak accident,' becomes terrified of MIL. UPDATED
Losing your partner is a grief that never leaves you.
One woman shared her story on Reddit after her husband dies in 'freak accident.' She was devastated but trying to be strong for their 2-year-old son. She always knew her mother-in-law was not fond of her. But, after sorting her husband's affairs, she wants to get as far away from this woman as possible.
My husband died and I just found out the true extent of MIL’s hatred towards me.
So my(29F) DH (29M) passed away in a work accident in February. He drowned after falling off a boat. It was a freak accident and the company’s one and only fatality in their decades long history.
We have a 2 year old son together and as you can imagine, I am reeling. He basically left for work on a normal Friday night and never made it back.
His mother has always disliked me from the moment she knew about my existence. All these years he did his best to protect me from the insanity and in the past year it seemed as if MIL had finally come around and wanted to make amends. Because DH was still hopeful that his mother could change.
He wanted my son to have a relationship with his grandma, I agreed on low contact even though I didn’t feel good about it.
Well, after he passed, I had the unenviable yet necessary task of going through his stuff. I couldn’t help but look through his conversation with MIL.
You guys. I knew this woman was off the rails but I was left shaking after reading their conversation!
All these years she had been wishing ill upon me and my parents. She’d regularly accuse me of trying to “divorce” her and DH. On multiple occasions she said that she prayed to God that He will take away someone that I love the same way I took away DH from her.
She told DH that karma will come for my son. She accused me and my parents of being gold diggers. For the record, my parents paid for our wedding and DH’s funeral because that’s just how much they loved him.
My poor husband did a wonderful job of defending us and shutting her down, and there were many instances where he would cut her off mid rant by blocking her. In the past year, the vitriol did ease up considerably, though there were still many instances of it.
Despite her and her family’s terrible relationship with DH and me, I made sure that the whole lot of them had priority and sufficient access to DH at his funeral. I know I didn’t have to extend the courtesy to them but I’ve also buried a child and I was willing to put aside our differences for a couple of hours so they could say their goodbyes proper.
Turns out I shouldn’t have cause they supposedly weren’t happy with how the funeral went. Pretty rich coming from people who said they wanted to foot the bill for the funeral but never ponied up. And don’t get me started on the inheritance. DH didn’t leave a will and that’s another wild ride on its own.
My rant is getting all over the place now but more than anything I just need to get this off my chest. This woman is evil. I feel sorry for my DH, he didn’t deserve a mother like this and he tried so hard to work things out with her up to his death.
Some days I feel like telling her that she got what she wished for. God did take away someone I love. Her son. Talk about sinking the ship to kill the captain. I miss my DH terribly. I wish he had a much better mother in his short life.
Here were the top comments after the initial post:
I'm sorry for your loss (es) and that you are dealing with this. You're married, so even without a will everything SHOULD go to you. I would move far far away from this bat sh*t crazy MIL. No visitation with the grandbaby, nothing at all.
I'd keep it on the DL so they won't know anything and can't try to file for visitation because their son has passed. She did get what she wished for, but she probably never expected that karma to hit her so hard in the process. Absolutely heartbreaking. I hope you get a huge settlement from his company as well to help you and your child.
I am so sorry for your loss. Some advice. Save those messages. If she is as evil as you say, it’s time to protect your child.
'she prayed to God that He will take away someone that I love the same way I took away DH from her'
She was able to say this knowing that you had lost a child? It's unspeakable. It never ceases to astonish me how JNs fail to see how their own actions drive people away. I hope you are soon able to put boundaries, barriers and many miles between your family and her nonsense.
The OP responded here with a devastating comment:
After the death of my first she texted DH and told him she hopes we’ll have difficulties having children. Then proceeded to throw a fit when she was the literal last person to find out about my 2nd pregnancy. Told DH how much it broke her heart and this was prove that I was alienating him from her. I swear she lives on a different plane of reality.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Think about it like this your parents loved your husband like he was their own child so he did have a better mother than her.
A month later, the OP returned with an update.
UPDATE: My husband died and I just found out the true extent of MIL’s hatred towards me.
First off I really want to thank everyone for your support in my last post. I honestly didn’t think it would get much attention and I truly appreciate every single response.
Some time has passed, and some matters have been taken care of. I received a couple of calls from MIL via BIL’s phone, and they were…odd. There was some hostility, some sympathy pandering and a whole lot of question marks and odd requests. I kept each conversation brief and civil.
As expected MIL did try to make a play for my house but the law states clearly that I’m the sole legal owner so no dice for her.
Interestingly, the calls have stopped since the inheritance have been distributed. I’m hoping this is it and I’ll be left alone, though I’m pretty sure I will receive another one at some point. None of the calls were to ask about my son’s daily needs.
Strangers have come forward with milk, diapers, and food, yet there’s been radio silence on my late husband’s family’s part. MIL did ask me to bring my son to see her, but each time I told her she’s more than welcome to see her grandson at my parents’ house, I don’t get a response after. Lol!
To me this is a clear indication of their disinterest in my son. Not that it matters to me. I’ve got a wonderful support system and my son doesn’t need to be surrounded by such toxicity either.
Just thought I’d hit you all with this little update since I did see a number of you followed me. I hope there’s nothing interesting to follow up with, but if there is, you’ll be informed.
Here’s to a lifetime of grieving peacefully. And happiness, whatever that means anymore.
Here were the top comments after this latest update:
The grief is really weird. My husband died two and a half years ago. I still get blind-sided and mentally bombed by what seem like ridiculous little things. Grief isn't tidy.
Did you give them any money? Without a will, it technically all goes to you and LO. I wouldn't give them any money since that's what they're after.
I would instead give them some favorite possessions. And she really trying to throw you all out of your home? That's as low as she can get. I'd be done with her completely and tell her if she needs something can contact a third party you select.
I would assume that they will have interest in your son sometime in the future when it suits them or they need something. Keep your guard up.
Not that she deserves the gift of being in your child’s life but I cannot believe the hatred in that woman’s heart to not want to maintain a relationship with the last bit left of her son in this world! She could keep the woman he loved more than anything and his son in her life and keep his memory alive with love but she chooses hate instead…..
I want to again offer my condolences to you and your family.
I'd block them. You and your child don't need them in your life.
Love and light to you and your family. I hope someday you find some peace.
The OP responded:
Thank you 🙏 I wish it was different but I have accepted that some people are sent to make you realize you’re worth so much more than their horrible treatment of you. And to not take crap from anybody regardless of who they are.
As a non confrontational person who lets people walk all over her, this was an important lesson for me. I thought I became mama bear when my son was born but this turn of events have made me become a fire breathing dragon.