Mom snaps at brother's infertile GF for backseat parenting; talk 'when you have one.'

Parenting, like most things, is a lot simpler to do when you're not doing it.

It's easy to speculate on how well-behaved your kid would be, the healthy food they'd eat, and the loving structure you'd enforce when you're not sleep-deprived and in the trenches. And as with most hard things in life, there's nothing worse than a smug backseat driver telling you how they'd do it far better.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a mom asked if she's wrong for snapping at her brother's infertile girlfriend about motherhood.

She wrote:

AITA for saying it’s easy to be a perfect mom when you don’t have kids to someone who’s infertile?

I (28F) have a 2-year-old son. My brother, “Tommy” (25M) has been dating “Giana” (22F) for a few months now. She’s a little judgmental, not of me particularly, but in general. She babysits for other children and constantly judges the parents. She says she’d never let her kids act the way the kids do. Sometimes it makes sense and I agree.

Others, she claims that her future kids will never, ever throw a tantrum. They’ll accept no the first time, the only time. I’ve told her good luck with that when it comes to toddlers. My son is learning no and has appropriate consequences for tantrums, but he’s learning. It’ll happen. It’s also important to note that Gia is infertile. She can’t have kids without medical intervention or adoption.

Saturday night, we went out for my dad’s birthday dinner. I messed up and didn’t prepare my toddler well enough. He got overstimulated and began melting down. I quickly took him out of the restaurant to calm him down before he could cause a scene. It took all of 5 minutes and we returned, he got food and was all good. Giana started on “my future kids will NEVER act like that in a restaurant”. I ignored her.

The next day, myself, Tommy, our parents, my son and Giana went to the mall for an event they were having. My son was playing in a structure and I had my eyes on him. My mom asked me a question and I turned to answer her. When I turned back, he was gone. Panic set in and myself, my parents and Tommy, along with some people nearby began helping me look.

It only took a few minutes to find him and he was perfectly fine, he had seen a pretzel cart and wandered off. I was still pretty worked up, holding onto him for dear life. He had never wandered off before. My mom was reassuring me, saying it happened to her with both of us kids.

Then I hear Giana “why weren’t you watching him?” I tried ignoring her. Then she said “I would’ve never let him wander off”. I was already so worked up and upset, I snapped. I said “it’s easy being a perfect parent when you don’t have kids. Come back to me when you do.” Giana got visibly upset. She then made Tommy take her home.

Tommy and Giana have both texted me telling me how insensitive that is since she can’t have kids. To me, she talks about having kids all the time, so why is it different for me to say that? AITA?

The thread quickly filled up with lively discussion.

WhosMimi wrote:

NTA. You weren't referring to her inability to have biological children. You were referring to her inability to keep her yap shut.

Powerful-Broccoli804 wrote:

I've been there! I cannot begin to describe the sheer panic of losing a young kid. It could happen to anyone. It takes a few seconds or a little miscommunication about who's watching the kids. Ginna was horrendously insensitive, judgemental and out of touch.

Obviously what you said was mean. In any other situation I'd say ESH but given what just happened and the amount of adrenaline still pumping through your system NTA.

craftymama45 wrote:

NTA. The fact that Giana says things like 'my future kids will never....' implies she's not overly sensitive about the topic of her infertility. If you had said, 'It's easy to be a perfect mom when you can't have kids,' that might have made me think differently. It's a lot different being a babysitter than being a parent.

I've been a nanny, a teacher, and a stay-at-home mom to 3 kids, so I have a lot of experience and education in child and adolescent development tantrums and pushing limits are part of the development and learning process for kids. Giana is delusional if she thinks her kids will never have a tantrum.

I'm strict, and my kids know that when I say no, that means no, but I've still had to leave a full cart at the service desk and haul a couple of crying preschoolers out of Sam's Club because they weren't behaving.

rc3wondereftw wrote:

NTA. Giana sounds obnoxious. I don't have kids myself, but I would never say those things to another parent. To me, you sound like a great parent anyway. Toddlers are toddlers, they throw fits and sometimes, it's for no reason.

You removed your toddler from a situation and Giana had no business making any further comments on the matter. Nobody does. You never know what someone else might be going through with being a parent, and it's inappropriate to say those things to anyone that has children.

This is a situation where Giana got what was coming to her, and any objections are pure deflection on her part.