Bride's dad threatens to walk out of wedding if she doesn't follow list of '8 rules.'
When this woman is angry with her stepmother and her father leading up to her wedding, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for not making peace after leaving my stepmother out of wedding dress shopping and not abiding by my dad's 8 insane rules?'
My fiance (21M) proposed to me (22F) last Aug. My mom decided to host an engagement party and invite her side of the family (her and Dad are divorced). Later, Dad and stepmom(A) asked to speak with my fiance and I. A was upset about being left out of the celebration and not being treated equal to Mom.
I apologized, reminded her I love her like a mother, and explained to her that Mom arranged the party and we did not mean to hurt any feelings. A said if there is any chance of that happening again, to PLEASE not involve her in the first place. I asked her if she was SURE. She said she was.
After this, I kept A involved in the things I wanted her to be a part of. I cant involve Mom and A in the same things at the same time. The venue would be A's thing. This went well, we picked one (mostly) together. In Oct, A asked when we should start dress shopping. I told her I already had a dress I picked out. I went with my MOH before she left to study abroad, my mom, and sister a month earlier.
I didn't invite A because she asked me not to tell her about things I wasn't involving her in, and I would have had to pick between A and my mom. So I picked my mom. A sent me a message saying she couldn't be involved in the wedding anymore because it was too hurtful. I apologized. I visited again in Jan. and didnt speak to A. Dad gave me all my childhood Christmas ornaments. I apparently wasn't invited back.
A week later my dad asked me apologize to A for not inviting her to go dress shopping. I told him I have been the one making peace and apologizing since I was a CHILD. It is a pattern for A to blow things out of proportion and not take accountability for it.
This is the first time that I have decided not to be the peacemaker, and left it to Dad and A to fix things. After I made it clear I wasn't going to apologize, Dad said, 'I don't even want to go to your wedding because of this' Ouch.
A month later, Dad asked us to meet and talk. I insisted we needed a counselor present so my side would be acknowledged. Before meeting, he set 8 rules I had to follow for him to be in the ceremony: 1. I can't treat A the way I've been treating her 2. A will be at the wedding to support Dad, 3. It will only be the 2 of us walking down the aisle 4. Mom and stepdad will NOT be up in the ceremony at the same time as Dad.
5. I must seat Dad away from Mom. 6. Dad will not include Mom in anything. If asked 'who gives away this bride', he'll respond, 'A and I do.' 7. If I do not treat A with respect, Dad and A will leave as soon as the ceremony is over. 8. If I do not abide by these expectations, Dad will walk out during the ceremony I told him I won't be following his rules for MY WEDDING.
So I understand if he chooses not to be a part of the ceremony. My aunt and cousin told me later that at Christmas Dad and A told everyone I was cheating on my fiance before he proposed. This statement is completely fictional. Yesterday I asked Dad for his RSVP. He said he booked a vacation instead to celebrate Father's Day. AITA?
Let's find out.
duzines writes:
I’d have been too hurt to continue a relationship after the returning of the childhood Christmas ornaments. Then the statement that he didn’t want to go to her wedding would have sealed it. NC immediately. That cheating lie though, wow! That one takes the cake. Dad and A are monsters.
elsiedelusy writes:
NTA. A is delusional. Why would she be invited to the engagement party your mom threw? That makes no sense. Why would she be treated equal, when you two don't have the same relationship? No. To assume SHE was going dress shopping with you instead of your mom? Wtf... Good for you, for enforcing your boundaries with your dad. He doesn't get to make the conditions for your wedding.
morphonotic writes:
That's rich! He's booked himself a vacation to celebrate Father's Day while completely failing at being a father. Your dad and stepmom are only interested on having you in their lives on their terms, even when it comes to your wedding day. NTA for standing up to them, and have a wonderful wedding! May it, and your life to come, be drama-free without people who only want to use you to prop them up.