Bride's mom threatens to bail on wedding if she invites stepmom. Family taking sides.
When this woman is torn between her bio mom and stepmom, she asks Reddit:
'WIBTA if I invited my stepmom to my wedding?'
This has been eating at me for a while. (F) For context: My mother and stepmom have not gotten along in years. They literally don’t speak. There was a big argument my parents all had at an event of mine years ago when I was a child. Big enough to cause a scene and make my dad and stepmom storm out after driving 8 hours to be there.
My mother still thinks my stepmom should apologize for her actions. And in her defense, my dad and stepmom had been rude to her around the time of the event (which my mom told me back when I was a child) but they’ve since corrected their behavior. My mother never expressed to them that she wanted an apology from them.
The thing is, I love my stepmother. She’s been so sweet and caring to me and my sister, she’s never treated us unfairly, is protective, and loves us like we’re her own children. She means a lot to me and my dad. But because of my mother’s perspective, she’s quiet and meek when it comes to me or my sister’s big milestones.
My mother speaks ill of my stepmom and sometimes my dad, she’s got her whole large family on her side. She refused to invite my stepmom to me and my sister’s graduation at first until I told her I wanted my stepmom there.
My mother was appalled, and graphically reminded me of the details of the altercation and how hurt she was by their actions at the time. I’m not at all saying that she needs to get over it, but their relationship with each other does not affect MY relationships with them. I felt that if my stepmom wanted to travel to come support us that she was within the right.
Recently my mother stated that she didn’t want my stepmom at my wedding. She went as far as to say that if my stepmom showed up, she would leave immediately. I was really hurt when she said that.
I want all of my loved ones to come to my wedding but now I feel like I’m put in a bind. It feels like I’m stuck in a decade-old argument that has nothing to do with me. I want to respect my mother’s wishes, but it would break my stepmother and my father’s hearts to not be invited. I’m completely torn on what to do. AITA?
Let's find out.
thememoryliveson writes:
NTA. You love them all and their arguments have nothing to do with you. I understand that your mother is hurt, but she is being very selfish now, putting her wants and needs before yours. A loving mother would never do that to her child. However you turn it somebody will get hurt.
Either your mother or your stepmother and father. But this is your wedding and your stepmother is your father's chosen partner, whether your mother likes it or not. So they should all act like adults and put your day and your joy before anything else and celebrate it together with you. Don't feel bad about this, you love them and there is nothing wrong with that and wanting them all to be with you on your big day. Congratulations and I hope everything goes well.
bina101 writes:
Op your NTA. But I also wanted to point out that your mother told you, as a child, that your dad and stepmom were being rude to her first. With the way she is acting, I’m surprised you still believe that. She involved you in her beef with your dad and his wife as a child and no parent should do that to their kids.
searchapprehensive9 writes:
NTA. Tell her that all three of your parents are invited and wanted, but that any guest whatsoever whose behavior takes focus from the bride and groom's happiness will be immediately ejected by security, and that includes her. She is welcome to quietly leave at any time and you won't be interfering if she needs to do that for her own self-care.
She can either attend and choose to have a nice time celebrating with you and everyone else you love, or she can decline/leave if that's too overwhelming for her. What she may not do is make your wedding in any way about HER. Tell her you will not be making special accommodations like arranging to keep them apart. How she conducts herself and manages her emotions is her responsibility, and you will not be allowing anyone to make it yours.